2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

I hate to say this, but be prepared for her to ramp up the drama even more. These people do not like it when others draw up boundaries. This is possibly the first time in your friendship that you have established a boundary and in her view, you are not behaving in the way you are supposed to - you are no longer the compliant, easily manipulated friend.

People like this don’t like to be thwarted and not content with a firm ‘no’, they can go into backstabbing mode, gathering allies and making out to anyone who will listen that you are the unreasonable one.

@AuntMasha

I hate to say this, but be prepared for her to ramp up the drama even more. These people do not like it when others draw up boundaries. This is possibly the first time in your friendship that you have established a boundary and in her view, you are not behaving in the way you are supposed to - you are no longer the compliant, easily manipulated friend.

People like this don’t like to be thwarted and not content with a firm ‘no’, they can go into backstabbing mode, gathering allies and making out to anyone who will listen that you are the unreasonable one.

yes I agree...

she'll go rogue to destroy your reputation now ...

your personal private MH business will be shared to anyone who will listen...

be prepared for this... and you will get through it 🌸

@AuntMasha you’re right but if someone told you their friend wouldn’t let them and their dog stay at their house when they’ve got their own house wouldn’t you just think they were the entitled one anyway, she could try and spin it I suppose but I’m not sure there’s any way to spin this that anyone would actually think badly of the OP.

Attack is the best form of defence.
I'd tell your mutual friends that your not sure why, but CF was asking to move into yours and live rent free until she sold her house.
You can guarantee that she'll be onto someone else to move into their house.

I have a friend who ended up with her DHs pal living with them for 5 years, a huge chunk of her children's childhood. He eventually moved out owing them thousands in unpaid rent.

You’re right not to let her stay, but it seems a bit extreme to block her and end your friendship, just because she’s panicking and may be under pressure from other people?!

Surely a conversation is a basic minimum. Not back and forth by text?

She can go and impose on her other friends then

@WildfirePonie

Boundaries are walls. You set them up, alert anyone who needs to know that it’s there, then walk away from your side of the wall back to your life. Don’t hang around your wall, getting worn down hearing the toddler wailing happening on the other side.

This is brilliant, one to remember for sure.

Agreed.

OP, hopefully you can put her out of your mind for a while and enjoy the long weekend.

[quote TheRebelle]@AuntMasha you’re right but if someone told you their friend wouldn’t let them and their dog stay at their house when they’ve got their own house wouldn’t you just think they were the entitled one anyway, she could try and spin it I suppose but I’m not sure there’s any way to spin this that anyone would actually think badly of the OP.[/quote]
You'd think so but in some cases people can be super-manipulative.

However, having read just the first page of the original thread, the OP is perfectly reasonable to say no and should not worry about being manipulated or friends being told lies.

If anyone says anything "yes CF friend wanted to move in with us for a few months with her dog which doesn't get on with our dogs and we don't have space for more than a short visit anyway" and emphasise the MONTHS.

[quote saraclara]@islandhoppin do you have any mutual friends who might have an insight into what's going on? Also, if you do, I think it's important that they hear your side of things. She sounds just the sort of person who'll spin a whole different narrative to them.[/quote]
This is a very good point. Agree it’s definitely worthwhile talking to mutual friends to get your side of the story across before CF starts badmouthing you.

@Derbee

You’re right not to let her stay, but it seems a bit extreme to block her and end your friendship, just because she’s panicking and may be under pressure from other people?!

Surely a conversation is a basic minimum. Not back and forth by text?

OP hasn’t ended the relationship. She’s giving herself some breathing space.

You could you just have the dog to make it easier for her to find somewhere else perhaps

Er what?

Maybe she could stop being a CF and pay money to rent a house and/or a kennel for the dog! Why the hell should the OP have the dog, and anyway the dog is a pain, the OP said in her first post.

Why does everyone think that everyone else should look after their horrible dogs? First of all we had the MIL thread where the DIL had said before she even got the dog that she doesn't like dogs and wouldn't' be looking after it and got called a selfish bitch by the MIL and now we have a MNer breezily telling the OP she should look after CF friend's badly behaved dog!

FGS.

What matters most are the people who truly love and know you. Cultivate those people and build up those connections. It’s important to surround yourself with straightforward people who have your best interests at heart.

That way, you’ll feel more protected if she tries to blame you. These kinds of people will twist, turn and weaponise.

@Penistoe

The worst thing about this is your messages were very firm, yet she kept trying. Like she thinks you are weak and will keep chipping away until you give in, even when you specifically asked to respect the decision. A true friends does not behave like this.

I know someone like this. Will not take no for an answer. Goes on and on and on. She isn't a friend but an acquaintance at a club. It is exhausting for the committee which fortunately I am not on. You have to be strong and not give into the manipulation.

Just read your first thread with my jaw literally on the floor. I'm so shocked by the audacity, she sounds unhinged OP. Well done on saying no, stuff like this makes me feel sick with anxiety too.

She probably thinks the dog smell etc will put buyers off. Well done OP on standing strong!

Can you imagine the carnage this CF would have caused if the OP had let her move in?!

@Derbee

You’re right not to let her stay, but it seems a bit extreme to block her and end your friendship, just because she’s panicking and may be under pressure from other people?!

Surely a conversation is a basic minimum. Not back and forth by text?

Have you RTFT? And the previous one?!

OP, you might need to disable the voicemail as well as blocking. I had to block someone once and the phone just put their calls straight through to VM rather than disabling contact entirely.

Apologies to everyone as I have just skimmed through both threads but have read all of OP's posts.

I am sat here jaw dropped!

The amateur dramatics from this girl are bad enough but when I read, "Of course I won't be able to pay any rent or help out with bills as we'll need every penny,". 😱 Is she for real??

She expects to move both her and her partner plus dog in FOC, allow the dog to sleep upstairs - not a chance - have all meals provided and pay NOTHING?? Words absolutely fail me!

Thank God you have blocked her, OP!

I do agree with some pp's though inasmuch as I would let your DP - who sounds great - step in with her too if this carries on. You can both be the bad guys then! 🤣🤣🤣

@Lightisnotwhitevyoi may have read the updates but you obviously didn’t read the OP which clarifies why she can’t take the dog. Op is not obliged to do anything to facilitate this ‘friend’

Op are you OK with this being the end of the friendship?

@islandhoppin

Thanks everyone I've blocked her number.. I didn't want to have to loose a friend like this but I suppose it's within my best interests.

Glad she’s blocked! Did you listen to the last voicemail from her?

@CookPassBabtridge

She probably thinks the dog smell etc will put buyers off. Well done OP on standing strong!

I think you have nailed part of the reason here *@CookPassBabtridge*!

Excellent point!

I’d maybe get your other half to contact her just to re-iterate ‘no’ and back you up. He can just drop a text.

Well done OP. The only thing that concerns me about the blocking is that it might give the CF an excuse to turn up in the doorstep. Y'know because she's entitled to a response (in her mind...)

Will DP be around to fend her off if she decides to do that?