2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

Why have you not blocked her?

Unbelievable. I mean if you ask a big, unreasonable favour and your friend says no you accept that with grace and move on. Not whinge, beg and bully them into giving you the answer you want. It’s the behaviour of a spoilt child. I’d listen to the voice mail when you can and then give her a final response saying something like, you’ve been really clear in your reply, it’s not unreasonable not to want to share your home and she needs to stop pestering you now. Your not going to engage anymore on this issue. Stay strong OP.

I suspected you hadn't heard the last from her. Yes, it is bloody draining. I hope you're feeling very proud of yourself for saying no to her initial request - imagine all of this drama if she was actually living in your house, with no sign of getting rid of her!

My guess is that this time she will tell you the “truth” and why she really needs a place. And it will be something she has done. And she will guilt trip you. Stay strong

Don't give her another response .. it's unnecessary and would just encourage her more.

She has crossed several big fat red lines and you don't owe her more explanation - (you never owed her an explanation in the first place but nice of you to give her one)

Send her a message (at your convenience) to say.
"If you continue to harass me I will report you to the police" (even if you have no intention of doing so. Just put the fear of God into her).
Then block.

Did no one ever say No to her when she was a child?

Is she about 18 or so? seriously asking

hold strong OP, and find your anger. Its such a shame when you have to deal with this. It can help to imagine yourself standing firmly on a rock and surviving the waves of her fury and manipulation.

I'm sorry, I've read both threads fully, and I think the time has come to press the block button, for the sake of your own mental health.

This 'friend' has manipulated and bullied you, because she can't get her own way, and not respected your boundaries or privacy.

This must be very hard, because you've always had such a good relationship with her, but if that relies on you effectively doing her bidding, and not rocking the boat, then I would question the depth of the relationship.

Block her, or this will never end.

Sending strength and hugs.
x

@MrsMoastyToasty

Send her a message (at your convenience) to say. "If you continue to harass me I will report you to the police" (even if you have no intention of doing so. Just put the fear of God into her). Then block.

I would do this, maybe she will back off.

I would say from the sounds of things, your friendship will be over, and I think it's a blessing for you. You don't need people in your life who behave like this, and throw your struggles with mental health in your face. The trash took itself out.

@islandhoppin

I've had another call this morning but not answered, another voicemail but I can't listen to it until my break later today. Not sure I even want to. It's draining.

Let your DP listen to it when you get home. Don’t worry about it now, use him as your filter.

What is she playing at?!

She sounds totally unhinged!

BTW, as someone working in the field, her serious boundary pushing, boundary violating, and emotional manipulation hint she has far more serious MH issues than you do - without judging her on that. Just don't let her manipulative comments re your anxiety etc get to you.

'...she has far more serious MH issues than you do...'

Very much agree

This woman is not your friend. She’s a user. I can’t believe she’s not taking no for an answer and pestering you when you’ve said no multiple times.

Well done for staying strong. Might be time to bin this friend - she’s shown her true colours x

So much drama.

She's dug herself such a massive hole. Hopefully that voicemail is her giving up and realising she's acting like a toddler now she's slept on it.

@Heliachi here you go www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4331805-friend-wants-to-move-in-for-a-few-months?pg=1

Basic summary:

Friend asks if she and her (untrained) dog can move into OP’s house for a few months while her house is sold (no explanation why she needs to be out for it to sell)

Turns out friend wants her boyfriend there too

Friend admits to having no intention of paying any rent or contributing to bills

OP says no multiple times but friend continues to beg/emotionally blackmail OP and has left (at last count) 2 voicemails on OP’s phone

Your friend is batshit crazy for moving out of her house before it is even up for sale, does she not understand that it's normal to live in your house until it's sold, all the while house hunting for a new home for her and her partner and keeping her house clean and aired, which you can't do if you aren't there.

The assumption that she can automatically come and live with you, with her dog that sleeps in her bedroom and that her smoker boyfriend can also come and and go into your home as he pleases, plus pay nothing towards any increase in utility bills is astounding in its entitlement. Honestly, she sounds as though she has a very slim grasp on reality if she thinks this is in any way reasonable or normal.

She is very definitely a Cheeky Fucker of the first order.

‘(Friend), I have said no. It won’t work so please stop pressing this issue as the answer will continue to be no. I have a Partner and pets to consider as well as myself and this won’t work for us all. Again NO!’

If you can don’t respond. Ignore.

Its just insane - crying down the phone twice now because you don't want her to move into your house for free when she has a perfectly good house of her own shes already living in?
There MUST be something else going on surely, eviction or something that shes just not telling you?

@1WayOrAnother2

If you lose her friendship over not going along with her plan... then it wasn't the deep relationship you imagnined. (Are you sure you want to continue with someone who really takes you so much for granted and seems to have little empathy with you even though she is supposed to know you so well?)

I doubt that even a very strong friendship would hold up after a CF stay like the one she has planned.

Being firm and quietly knowing that you are in the right is your best chance of keeping things even in your life and in this friendship.

The OP will lose this 'friendship' whatever she does. If she did allow this person and menagerie into her home they would be constantly arguing, the woman would have won one battle and will push for everything else she wants.

This is all very dramatic. Couldn't you just block her number @islandhoppin? And block her on any social media too?

I think the friendship is over after this anyway right? You won’t ever view her the same again.

It is very dramatic, ridiculously so. I've never had these issues with her before. Granted she's a strong character but it's never been to this extent.