2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

What did you say to her?

Your need to contact the police.
This isn't normal behaviour and it's very worrying.

I can't believe how much this has escalated...

@islandhoppin

Hi everyone so sorry for the radio silence. It's been a hard weekend. She's tried everything. Been to the house twice, I caught her trying to open my back door to let herself in..

You need to call the police and report this, it's madness.

What!? Ok I’m a rational person but seriously - now is the time to log this with the police …. Hope you’re ok. What happened?

Omg. Please tell us you’ve called the police.

Whaaaaat?!

Please update in full OP

WTAF!! Does she really think you'll change your mind after how she's behaving?!?!

What did you say to her when she was trying to get into your house through the back door? How did you get her to leave?

@islandhoppin

Hi everyone so sorry for the radio silence. It's been a hard weekend. She's tried everything. Been to the house twice, I caught her trying to open my back door to let herself in..

Please contact the police. Please.

This is harassment and stalking behaviour. Let the police have a word with her.

Is it possible that's she's in trouble?

She sounds absolutely desperate to me!

Could you not hear her out and then once you can determine she's safe just repeat no and continue as you are?

I actually think getting in touch with the police would be good for her too. She's clearly got some serious problems - but these should NOT be your problems OP. If you bring her into your home they will become your problems. She probably needs professional help at this point and if you involve the police she is more likely to get it.

If she'd wanted to reveal her problems to you she would have done at the start. Given her erratic behaviour I think the OP needs to prioritise her own wellbeing and safety first.

@islandhoppin

Hi everyone so sorry for the radio silence. It's been a hard weekend. She's tried everything. Been to the house twice, I caught her trying to open my back door to let herself in..

What on earth? I would have called the police. This is not normal behaviour!

@supadupapupascupa

Is it possible that's she's in trouble?

She sounds absolutely desperate to me!

Could you not hear her out and then once you can determine she's safe just repeat no and continue as you are?

If she does have genuine problems they are probably financial and Op cannot solve them by allowing CFer to stay with her and bankroll her.

Trying to break into the Ops house is not normal I also add my voice to contacting the police.

It really is like the behaviour an abuser displays when their victim leaves / they are loosing control.

OP I bet they'll be loads of areas in your life that you are unpicking and seeing the control she had over you.

@islandhoppin
Hi there. This sounds stressful. I appreciate you are stressed out and busy, but can you update properly, as you've not really gone I to any detail, just left us with yet another cliffhanger.

You 'caught her'? What was said? Did you have a conversation?

I hope you are informing the Police of what's happening.

Hope you’re okay, op.

Another one saying to you should call 101.

Yes, maybe she has got serious problems, trying to escape an abusive situation etc but they’re not op’s problems, and op doesn’t need to rescue her. Had she explained any such problems, then op may have been able to help her -help to find a woman’s refuge etc.

However, stalking at the train station, trying enter the house, is not normal behaviour.

Either the op is making this up, and spinning us a story, or the situation has escalated into a worrying situation. Protect yourself op - call the police, and record every point of contact, social media, stalking behaviour etc.

How utterly bizarre. Why would harassing you make you want to let her live in your home for 3 months?!

@islandhoppin

Hi everyone so sorry for the radio silence. It's been a hard weekend. She's tried everything. Been to the house twice, I caught her trying to open my back door to let herself in..

@islandhoppin

OP I think you've tried long enough to be understanding of your former friend and given her more than enough leeway.

Please stop giving her any more consideration - it's past that time.

It really is time now to bite the bullet, make this official and contact the police to report her. Otherwise, really, what next? 🌹

Why are you not going to the police?
This is all a bit vague.

Sounds like she has had some kind of mental breakdown. If you don't want to involve the police can you speak to anyone in her family?

She sounds unhinged. That said I can sort of understand why she is frustrated given that you have blocked her and completely cut off all contact and so are not giving any opportunity for things to be resolved. Obviously from your point of view I can see why you don’t want to resolve things as she has undoubtedly been very unreasonable throughout the situation, but I can sort of see her side as well in that she wants to be heard out.

I think in your shoes I would agree to speak to her in a neutral place and with someone else present to give her a chance to say what she needs to say and get closure. Obviously the friendship is over and there’s no chance of her coming to stay now but it sounds like she is struggling with the abruptness of the end and with not being able to express a final word. That said, if you don’t feel strong enough to put yourself in that position given how angry she is that is completely understandable! In that case I think I would at least send a message to say you’re sorry things have come to this but that you both clearly have different expectations of how things should work in a friendship and that it seems like the differences are going to be irreconcilable. You enjoyed the time you spent together as friends and thank her for the times she was there for you but the friendship has clearly run its course so you don’t wish to talk to her again but you wish her all the best in the future. At least something like that would give her some closure and hopefully enable her to take a step back from all of her very unreasonable behaviour and hopefully diffuse some of her anger.

As others have said you have no option but to go to the Police. Sounds like she is having some kind of mental breakdown. Has her ex been in touch with either of you?

@islandhoppin

Hi everyone so sorry for the radio silence. It's been a hard weekend. She's tried everything. Been to the house twice, I caught her trying to open my back door to let herself in..

That really is batshit, she’s going way too far. Does she think her crazy actions will persuade you to give in?!

Lunatic. She is going to being absolutely bat shit now so I would say police - the warning might be enough for her to get the message