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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

970 replies

islandhoppin · 25/08/2021 23:11

As continued from my previous thread.

OP posts:
Thiscantreallybehappening · 27/08/2021 11:36

I think she made these plans before she had discussed it with you, she assumed you would agree to her demands and the fact you haven't has thrown a "spanner in the works" . She is now trying to bully, emotionally blackmail and intimidate you into agreeing.

IMO there is more to this situation, she is way too desperate to get you to agree.

Why exactly does she need to move out? Another poster raised the prospect that maybe she wants to rent to the property out. I don't know but there is something more to this and you are not being told the full story. The full picture would become clearer if she moved in and then I would expect she would be there for many months not just a few weeks.

Also, why can't she pay you any rent, money for bills etc? She made this clear in one of her messages. She didn't ask if that would be okay, she didn't say she would owe you some money and pay when the house was sold, she just told you she wouldn't be paying.

She isn't a friend she is a bully and a CF. A genuine friend would tell you the whole situation, offer to pay now or later but more importantly when you initially said no, it wouldn't work, a genuine friend would understand and accept your decision and then not mention it again.

I understand how you feel, I would haven felt exactly the same if a friend had put me in that position.

This is a situation she has created, she needs to sort it out. This isn't your problem. I think the friendship is over but I don't think it will be a great loss as she isn't a decent or reasonable person and this definitely isn't a friendship, she has shown that she is a CF. Maybe your DP should call her and tell her not to contact you again.

Howshouldibehave · 27/08/2021 11:43

She’s really done you a favour showing her true colours like this now.

Imagine if you’d let her move in and then tries to get her and he boyfriend/dog to leave?!

SpittinKitten · 27/08/2021 11:45

@Mountainpika

If any of us older ones lived nearby, we could be the Feisty Grans. How many do you need, OP?
^ I'd volunteer for the MN Nan Van!

Good luck OP, I'd definitely be in contact with the police.

islandhoppin · 27/08/2021 11:48

Haha! Thank you all! Unfortunately my grandma isn't very well so wouldn't be up for the challenge.
I am going to see if DP hears from her boyfriend today.. since she did say she would be asking him to get in touch. 😩

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 27/08/2021 11:48

Can I suggest that you screenshot her messages, and not delete the aggressive voicemails in case you need to involve the police.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/08/2021 11:49

"You requested a favour. I said no. It's that simple. You refused to accept that 'no', continued to attempt to persuade me and now you've left me threatening voicemails saying you will come and 'find' me, insulted me and caused deep anxiety and stress. Do not message me or call me again or I wi consider it harassment as it's now unwanted contact. I will call the police if you do so because harassment is a crime."

Then follow through.

ParrotsAteThemAll · 27/08/2021 12:00

@youvegottenminuteslynn

"You requested a favour. I said no. It's that simple. You refused to accept that 'no', continued to attempt to persuade me and now you've left me threatening voicemails saying you will come and 'find' me, insulted me and caused deep anxiety and stress. Do not message me or call me again or I wi consider it harassment as it's now unwanted contact. I will call the police if you do so because harassment is a crime."

Then follow through.

This!

I think you need to send a message spelling out her behaviour and what will happen if she continues. Im scared for you where this will end as she’s just not getting the message, I can’t believe she’s now involving her bf and your dp!!

islandhoppin · 27/08/2021 12:04

@youvegottenminuteslynn

"You requested a favour. I said no. It's that simple. You refused to accept that 'no', continued to attempt to persuade me and now you've left me threatening voicemails saying you will come and 'find' me, insulted me and caused deep anxiety and stress. Do not message me or call me again or I wi consider it harassment as it's now unwanted contact. I will call the police if you do so because harassment is a crime."

Then follow through.

This is a really good message. I've just unblocked and sent it to her. We'll see what happens. I'm hoping it's enough to silence her and keep her away.
OP posts:
Dontbeme · 27/08/2021 12:07

"DP and I have discussed this at length and do not want you to move in under any circumstances. In light of your current behaviour I no longer wish to have any contact from you, any further attempts at contact from you, or by anyone else on your behalf, I will consider as harassment and will take appropriate action"

@islandhoppin Send it today, why bother waiting for her or her BF to contact you or DP by phone, or corner you out in public. Stop hiding away, you have done nothing wrong.

islandhoppin · 27/08/2021 12:11

@Dontbeme I've sent the below 👇 x

OP posts:
AlCalavicci · 27/08/2021 12:14

She has gone from CFer , to batshit nutter with scary stalker tendency's !

Do you have any mutual friends that would be on your side that would join in with you telling her to fuck off ?

I agree with PP , it would be wise to let the local police know the situation , this is obviously not a 999 situation , but calling 101 would put things on the record , they may also be able to advise @islandhoppin what next steps she should take if CF carries on ,

And although engaging with CF is not what @islandhoppin wants to ( or should have to ) do I would be tempted to write to her , a proper formal letter saying FECK OFF , I am sure someone on here can help with the wording , to make it sound more official / legal .
then take a photo of it with a time stamp and send the letter via recorded , needs to be signed for by CF .

I would also so take a screen shot of all the text msgs and keep the ranting voice mails and if she turns up at OPs house photograph her too . (through the window )
CF is bound to ask why she is been photographed , OP should say as evidence of harassment that will be passed on to the police

Lottapianos · 27/08/2021 12:16

Well done OP. Very good message that spells out how appalling her behaviour has been

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 27/08/2021 12:37

Great message, well done OP

Sparklfairy · 27/08/2021 12:46

I know she's having a tantrum, clearly used to getting her own way, but honestly what does she hope to achieve from this?

"Oh okay I'm sorry CFScaryFuckingStalkerFriend, you can come and stay with me for free after all!"

As if living together wouldn't be unbearably awkward after her behaviour.

If this was a man/ex acting like this I think you would be thinking about the police more readily. Following you is Fatal Attraction territory and really scary.

Noshowlomo · 27/08/2021 12:52

Well done OP

purplecorkheart · 27/08/2021 13:02

Well Done op hopefully that message will be the end of it.

ClawedButler · 27/08/2021 13:03

I think @Sparklfairy has hit on it - if this was a man behaving like this, you'd have contacted the police already. The "find" message crossed a line from abusive to threatening. It is causing you great distress, you are fearful (rightly, it has been shown) that she will physically stalk you, scared to open the door or answer the phone.

I'd use the online harassment reporting portal, as you can sit on the line for 101 for aaaaaaaaaaaaages:

www.police.uk/pu/contact-the-police/report-a-crime-incident/

ClawedButler · 27/08/2021 13:06

Note that it's for reporting crimes OR incidents - it doesn't have to be a major crime. Something similar happened to a friend of mine and there weren't even any threats - the police took it very seriously and went to have a 'chat' with the perpetrator.

The trouble with unreasonable people, you see, is that you can't reason with them.

Harvestyo · 27/08/2021 13:21

Has she tried to contact you again today op?

Iwantamarshmallowman · 27/08/2021 13:23

I have a close family member who displays exactly this behaviour. Unfortunately its a fairly regular occurence.
I've never gone to the police becuase i don't want to get them into trouble.
I think the message you just sent was spot on but don't be surprised if it gets worse. Don't engage any further and get DP to listen to any further voicemails. Hopefully she will give up eventually.

BingBongToTheMoon · 27/08/2021 13:27

Wow. You poor thing.

whynotwhatknot · 27/08/2021 13:33

Good message op shes gone beyond nuts

coming to find you?

RandomMess · 27/08/2021 13:39

Well done OP stay strong 💪

National domestic helpline can talk you through applying for a non-harassment order I believe. It may reassure you chatting to them as they've heard so many stories like this!

Thanks
Delphigirl · 27/08/2021 13:48

Well done OP

PolypGrunterPulpit · 27/08/2021 13:55

I can't believe she thinks threatening and stalking you and getting her boyfriend to MAKE you take them in is going to result in a happy living situation. Does she think she's going to move in after all this and everything between you will be all happy and bright? She's a nutcase.