2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

She's absolutely bonkers imagine thinking she could get her bf to talk your partner round now after all this and still come to stay!!

Her original idea was inane, especially as she was planning to sponge off you financially but she's not bordering on the farcical

Lord she sounds deranged

@islandhoppin Thinking of you and wishing you a calm day and relaxing & healing weekend.

Abusive ex-friends don't deserve your attention.

@YellowandGreenToBeSeen

If I block a number, they no longer have access to my phone / voicemail. Never had a VM from a blocked caller.

All that means is that no one you’ve ever blocked has left you a voicemail. That’s different to them not being able to leave you a voicemail.

@nellly is right. She's bordering on farcical. I'm still open mouthed at the "obviously I won't be contributing". She's so out of touch with reality/ manners/ being a decent human. As ever, another bit of advice I read often in here is what would YOU say to a friend going through this. It can help achieve the distance necessary to see it through other eyes

I often find people are lovely until you say no. Then you see their true colours.

I really hope she leaves you alone now. Last night’s update at the station was really quite worrying as she is clearly unhinged.

I agree with posters that she might well be lying about her home and financial situation. It is more likely that she is about to be made homeless for some reason or other.
Whatever it is it is not your problem.

I rather suspect this isn’t the end though.

wow! just been trawling through these two thread and am really struck by her comment after you had said a very clear no at least twice.

she's going to speak to her BF to get him to talk my DP round

So having been refused, been abusive towards you she thinks that getting her BF to talk your DP round will FORCE you to allow her to stay. That's just crazy.

If this is what happens the first time you say no to her, imagine how awful it would be once she was indefinitely installed in your home with her dogs and smoking BF.

It sounds as if this is not the first time she's behaved badly towards you, and as if you are doing the right thing by staying firm. There's probably no coming back from this but it looks like it is her loss, not yours. I hope she accepts that no means no and you can move on from this stress.

I have listened to the 2nd voicemail. She said that she was heading to the station (last night) to find me. Her exact words.. FIND me.
I don't know what her problem is!

Blimey @islandhoppin she sounds unhinged. What next? Is she going to show up on your doorstep with boyfriend and dog in tow and announce she's sold her place and has nowhere else to go??

She’s a bully. She’s going to attempt to intimidate you into getting her way. I think your DH does need to speak to her DP and let him know that if this shit doesn’t stop immediately and they start taking responsibility for their own financial, dog and housing situation - and leave you the fuck out of it all, then it will get legal.

Bloody hell ' her behaviour is not normal . Thats stalkerish

She's obviously made all these plans on the basis that she'd be living and sponging off you. Clearly never dawned on her she should have discussed and actually properly asked you.
She thought a casual, hey, can i live with you? Would suffice.

She's one of lives takers. OP you've done so well. Hold firm. She would be a nightmare to live with.

At this point maybe its time to get the police involved. You've got a screaming voicrmail, a threatening voicemail and then you saw her car confirming she tried to "fond you". She knows shes been blocked so speak to the police for advise now before it gets worse. Ask them to speak to her on your behalf to leave you alone. It might not work but its all on record then at least.

I'm guessing she thinks if she can see you in person that she can wear down your defenses and get you to agree.

This is why you should continue to not engage at all.

And yes, why you must consider your plan for when she shows up at your door, and how to keep yourself safe and sane.

Actually I'm normally a bit  when mn insists 'go to the police' for someone kicking a ball in your garden etc but I agree with @Pretenditsaplan, this isn't normal and could be bordering harassment, at least log it with police and they might have a nice calm chat with her to help her see sense that her behaviour is out of line!

OP she sounds like a complete weirdo.

She had obviously absolutely banked on you saying yes to her request and is refusing to explore other options. She is being ridiculous, she has family who have space, or a BF she can presumably go to?

You've done the right thing to ignore her.

@OhSmellyCatSmellyCat

Bloody hell ' her behaviour is not normal . Thats stalkerish

It is. I'd be wary.

You've got absolutely nothing to lose at this stage @islandhoppin by sending her one final text message and I'd go so far as to leave her a voicemail message too. Both the text message and the voicemail would have exactly the same content.
"Hi CFer, I've stated this so many times and this will be my last contact with you as I can see very clearly that our friendship is gone due to your behaviour. I cannot and will not be opening my home to you to stay. Not now. Not ever. Your recent behaviour has demonstrated just how lucky an escape I've made here. You are being extremely unreasonable and verging into stalker behaviour with your messages sayting that you'll wait at the station to 'find me' and screaming down the phone at me. You are not to contact me again. This is no longer a conversation I wish to have with you or anyone else. If you contact me again, I will be left with no option but to report this to the police as harassment and that you're stalking me. Consider any form of 'friendship' that we may have had well and truly gone. Good bye".

That's what I would do at this stage.

@LookItsMeAgain

You've got absolutely nothing to lose at this stage *@islandhoppin* by sending her one final text message and I'd go so far as to leave her a voicemail message too. Both the text message and the voicemail would have exactly the same content. "Hi CFer, I've stated this so many times and this will be my last contact with you as I can see very clearly that our friendship is gone due to your behaviour. I cannot and will not be opening my home to you to stay. Not now. Not ever. Your recent behaviour has demonstrated just how lucky an escape I've made here. You are being extremely unreasonable and verging into stalker behaviour with your messages sayting that you'll wait at the station to 'find me' and screaming down the phone at me. You are not to contact me again. This is no longer a conversation I wish to have with you or anyone else. If you contact me again, I will be left with no option but to report this to the police as harassment and that you're stalking me. Consider any form of 'friendship' that we may have had well and truly gone. Good bye".

That's what I would do at this stage.

So would I. She sounds utterly crazy.

How stressful OP. Do you have any family that can come over? A gran is particularly helpful in these types of situations.

I would add 'DP and I have discussed this and are both in agreement' so she knows it comes from both of you

Oh gosh, op. I've just seen both threads and read all your updates. I'm so sorry you're going through this, your "friend" sounds like a nut job and a creepy stalker.

You've definitely seen her true colours, well done for sticking up for yourself and it's great that you have such a supportive DP. I hope she leaves you alone soon.

@Bollockstothat

How stressful OP. Do you have any family that can come over? A gran is particularly helpful in these types of situations.

I pictured that you had a feisty Gran when I read that!

OP. I agree this is stalking and confirms you made the right decision.

As if she thinks you'd give in if she leapt out and harangued you at the station! Bonkers.

I hope you have a door chain on your front door.

If any of us older ones lived nearby, we could be the Feisty Grans. How many do you need, OP?