2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

Is there a cafe in the station? Grab yourself a drink and sit down, it's highly unlikely she'll cause a scene in front of other people.

She’s declaring herself as unhinged, hope DP picks you up soon.

This gets crazier and crazier.

What's she expecting to happen?

Oh gosh Sarah! Now that you have sent me numerous abusive messages both via text and voicemail, and have threatened to somehow have my partner overrule me like this is 1850, and have turned up to ambush me at the station on my way home from work, NOW I see how much FUN it will be for me to pay for you to be in my house for months with your skanky dog and skankier partner! Do you need a hand with the move?!

@LAgeDeRaisin

This gets crazier and crazier.

What's she expecting to happen?

Oh gosh Sarah! Now that you have sent me numerous abusive messages both via text and voicemail, and have threatened to somehow have my partner overrule me like this is 1850, and have turned up to ambush me at the station on my way home from work, NOW I see how much FUN it will be for me to pay for you to be in my house for months with your skanky dog and skankier partner! Do you need a hand with the move?!

The thing is... I know what it's like with people like this.

If the OP asks why, it just opens up dialogue and an opening for her to argue her case.
Bottom line... the OP is in her rights to say no. If there was a decent reason the CF would have said it by now.

Do you have a way of contacting her parents? I suggest you let them know her behaviour is really disturbed and she seems to be having a breakdown. Then, duty done, pull up the drawbridge.

Goodness OP.
What a crazy situation to be in.
Keep strong and keep all the messages for evidence, should you need them.

There was nothing stopping the friend from saying, "I need to move out of my place because [description of urgent need and explanation of why it cannot be met any other way ]."

Add in the friend declaring that she wouldn't pay her own expenses (i.e. expecting to be subsidised by OP), that she would be breaking the OP's house rules by having her dog upstairs, and it starts to look like entitlement rather than need.

At no point in the increasingly rancorous messages has the friend explained the "need" for OP to do her this extremely burdensome favor.

I've not seen her so far but her car is still here. I wish this wasn't happening

Boldly hell OP, let us know that you're ok when your DP gets there.
You are doing the right thing. She is being absolutely unbelievably unreasonable. Definitely not a friend.

Gosh poor you. She sounds unhinged and I think you blocking her is absolutely right. She was asking a massive favour of you and yet because it doesn't suit you (even if you hadn't had a valid reason it would still be your right to turn her down) she is now shouting at you. I never get over how unreasonable some people are.

Op concentrate on your own mental health, your lovely dp and your wedding. Then at some point get some better friends!

Stand strong OP. She really is a nutcase, if she turns up at your house after this I’d be calling the police (not 999) to ask for harassment/stalking to be logged. You’ve got plenty of evidence in the form of her texts and voicemails.

If she tries to talk to you at the station then it’s grey rock all the way, or let your DP deal with it (though be careful that he doesn’t raise his voice to avoid claims of him verbally abusing her).

If she really thinks the best way to change your mind is harassment and stalking then she really is two sandwiches short of a picnic.

Hope you're okay, OP. Your DP sounds fabulous.

If it gets to a point where you or DP find yourselves in a situation where you can't avoid speaking to her, I would be tempted to point out that given she knows some of your struggles, and she knows that you would usually try to help her when you can, perhaps she might consider that your refusal indicates that there is stuff going on which she's not aware of, and accept what you say.

She's behaving appallingly.

This is no different from a man who has been rebuffed screaming that he's a NICE guy and you owe him sex because he'd give it to you if you asked for it. She didn't want your body, she wants your home.

Seriously, if she does turn up or otherwise contact you anymore, you need to call the police - they can perform a quick welfare check (ie, look to see whether she's off her tits on coke or exhibiting signs of a psychotic episode) whilst ensuring she fucks right off before she's arrested for causing a breach of the peace at your front door.

This woman is insane. She can’t do anything to you other than demonstrate how unhinged she is in her insistence that she MUST LIVE WITH YOU!

She should really stop wasting her own time and get finding somewhere to live. She must have had complete conviction that you were her free room and board and can’t get her head round any other option.

You are being completely sane and strong and well done for it. Hopefully in the future this will just be a funny anecdote.

She's nuts. You've done exactly the right thing asking your BF to pick you up. If she causes trouble don't react, just start videoing her behaviour.

Thanks guys. DP has picked me up thank god. Her car is still in the car park..

Hopefully your dp has arrived now.

I do hope that her car being there is just coincidence. But I'm not convinced.

This is actually bordering on harassment now- she needs a firm warning that if she keeps up with the constant calling, leaving messages and turning up without warning that you’ll be taking legal advice.

Glad to hear you’re with DP now. Stay safe x

this is shocking

This has got to the point where you should be talking to the police, OP.

Wow she is unbelievable. Glad your DP arrived before you seen her.

@islandhoppin

I've just listened to the first of the two messages she's left me. No tears.

Shouting.

She's shouting down the phone on a voicemail to me, about how unfair I am. How I'm a s* friend, I don't deserve her, she's going to speak to her BF to get him to talk my DP round.

I don't want to listen to the other one. I feel deflated, and numb.

I like to think of how that conversation might go:

BF: So you want me to complain to islandhoppin's boyfriend that she won't give you free accommodation for an undefined period when she's already said no several times and you've got somewhere else to stay? Why on earth would I do that? He'll tell me to fuck right off, and he'll be right.