2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

@saraclara

You have absolutely no reason to apologise to us! I am SO glad you came here, and that the positive side to Mumsnet has given you the confidence and support that you needed.

There is something really wrong with this ex-friend. her behaviour is so far across the line that it clearly has nothing to do with you.

Her moving in with you would have been absolutely disastrous. Thank goodness you said no.

Please read and re-read this post.

It speaks the truth.

(nicely worded @saraclara - very eloquent)

So I got off the train at my stop, through the station etc and I can see her car is parked at the end of the car park. I can't see if she's in it. I'm staying out here inside the station and asking DP to collect me from here. I usually get the bus the rest of the journey but I don't want to risk it ☹️ why is she doing this!

[quote VillanellesOrangeCoat]@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer

Why did you not at least ask her why she needed to come for a few months? Wouldnt that be the first thing someone would do normally?

Why should OP have to ask? It was the responsibility of her ‘friend’ tell her why. And the tone of the messages the CF has been sending OP doesn’t suggest an emergency.[/quote]
I understand the follow up messages have been awful. But I stand by what I said. If a really good friend of mine messaged asking to stay with me for a couple months the very first thing I would do is ask "why they needed to"

Good for you @islandhoppin - Let your DP have a word with her too as he gets into the carpark if she is still there when he gets there. She needs to be set straight. She is bullying and harassing you and you've done absolutely nothing wrong.

@islandhoppin

So I got off the train at my stop, through the station etc and I can see her car is parked at the end of the car park. I can't see if she's in it. I'm staying out here inside the station and asking DP to collect me from here. I usually get the bus the rest of the journey but I don't want to risk it ☹️ why is she doing this!

As soon as you said you were worried she would be at the station I just KNEW the next thing would be her being at the station.

Well, if she's your best friend, I suggest you send a big bunch of flowers to your worst enemy and ask if they'd like to meet up for a drink!

Stay strong - you can get through this. She just still hasn't accepted that she can't bully you into doing what she wants any more.

xxx

She seems an absolute bully. I bet its not the first time she's used bully boy tactics.

You have your DP on your side, that's a great thing. Just stick to No, not possible. Although how can she ever look you in the eye again agree treating you like this??

Oh, bless you OP, you shouldn’t have to go through this. 💐

@islandhoppin

So I got off the train at my stop, through the station etc and I can see her car is parked at the end of the car park. I can't see if she's in it. I'm staying out here inside the station and asking DP to collect me from here. I usually get the bus the rest of the journey but I don't want to risk it ☹️ why is she doing this!

What?! She really is batshit isn't she?

Jesus Christ.... I really feel for you I hope ur partner is there to pick you up soon!!!!

@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer

I've read all your posts OP on both threads (but not everyone elses, so not sure if this has been asked). You said you think she wants to do this so she can sell house, and you think the other owner is pushing this. But I have not seen you say anywhere if you actually ASKED her why she needed to come to your house. I only saw you assuming you knew why. She is approx 24 with an almost paid off house? You THINK she thinks she can sell her house quicker if not in it, but again I dont see where she said that to you. I understand not wanting someone to say with you. I have anxiety and that would stress me too. But at minimum the first thing I would have done was ASK my friend why they needed to come stay. All I've seen is lots of assumptions on your point. What if she has a true emergency? Why did you not at least ask her why she needed to come for a few months? Wouldnt that be the first thing someone would do normally?

Surely if you had a desperate situation you'd say, "friend can you help xyz has happened, I need somewhere to stay for a few months"

Not brag about paying of a mortgage at 24, while asking to move in rent free?

She is absolutely mental. Her behaviour is hardly going to get you moving her in is it?! She’ll never bloody leave!

Thanks, DP is 15 mins away.

I think you need to warn police action and then follow through if she continues.

Wow, what I nut job! Let us know when your DP gets there OP.

Op you are in a public place, what's the worse thing she can do?
Stand firm she's not moving in.

Will she wait, or will she leaves once the passengers have left?

Her behaviour is worrying.

@islandhoppin

Thanks, DP is 15 mins away.

Op what on earth?? Poor you. This person isn't acting normally at all. I think I'd wait and see if she asks why you didn't catch the bus home she usual rather than question why she was there first. That way she won't be able to come up with excuses as to why she was there.

You cant hide from her forever but it's no bad thing for you and DP to face her together.
Good luck

Wtf?! She's at the station?? She's bloody batshit!

@islandhoppin She is not allowed to harass you. You’ve said no, so it’s no.
Has she got form for wearing you down to her will?

Keep all her messages and voicemails as evidence of her harassment and generally unacceptable behaviour.

Hope you have a lovely relaxing evening x

Let's be honest this isnt normal. There must be some financial hardship on her part driving this. Whatever the reason you obviously can't allow her to move in as look how she's treated you! However, personally I would either call her or go up to her with DP there and state clearly it's never going to happen and ask wtf is going on?! mainly just to stop the calls. That's not to say her response should mean you let her stay. After this no way.

@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer I agree with you. I'd definitely ask why.

@islandhoppin Also, if you do bump into her, you’re quite within your rights to blank her completely.