2nd Thread: friend wants to move in for a 'few months'

[islandhoppin]

As continued from my previous thread.

I fell out with my best friend growing up in my early 20s. She had spotted me on the train and loudly said what's up bitch as she approached in a jokey but not actually passive aggressive joking manner if you know what I mean. A bit of superficial chit chat until I could extricate myself at our stop.

If she does corner you at the station, keep it brief and neutral, extricate yourself ASAP.

Good luck.

What I find extraordinary OP is that she seems to think she can circumvent your wishes and come live under your roof by pressuring your DP! That is just jaw dropping. With regards to understanding MH a lot of people sadly talk the talk but real empathy and respect for someone’s situation means sometimes making changes to what you ask of them. After shouting down the phone, she’s dreaming if she thinks anyone would want to live with her - no waaay! Zero humility.

Stay strong Op and keep her blocked! No true friend treats another friend the way she is treating you.

Do you think she and her boyfriend might turn up at your house? Could you be away or out over the next few days?

TBH, I'm flabbergasted that she is displaying such self entitlement - as if she has a right to impose on you for several months rent free. Her complete and utter lack of self awareness and disregard for your feelings and mental health just shows what an awful human being she is.

She has her own house
She has a boyfriend
She has her parents.

Why oh why can't she stay with any of these options?

I wouldn't put it past her coming to my house. I'm unfortunately not able to 'go' anywhere as such as I'm working the rest of the week and Saturday too. ☹️

@islandhoppin

I've just listened to the first of the two messages she's left me. No tears.

Shouting.

She's shouting down the phone on a voicemail to me, about how unfair I am. How I'm a s* friend, I don't deserve her, she's going to speak to her BF to get him to talk my DP round.

I don't want to listen to the other one. I feel deflated, and numb.

Wow! You dodged a bullet there, Op. can you imagine how bad it would have been if you had let her, the stinky boyfriend and the dog come live with you? Can you imagine the shouting and abuse you would have gotten if you mentioned anything about the smell, mess, noise or their over-entitled behaviour?

Keep strong, you're doing well.

OP, remember that just as you don't have to answer phone calls, texts or emails, you don't have to open the door to anyone. Sure it goes against every polite grain in your body , but you really don't have to.

@islandhoppin

I wouldn't put it past her coming to my house. I'm unfortunately not able to 'go' anywhere as such as I'm working the rest of the week and Saturday too. ☹️

You know now what she is really like, she has told you, in no uncertain terms. Surely you would not allow her to move in under any circumstances?

If she should arrive, don't answer the door.

Can you make it look as if you are out?
Move the car away from the house?
Work in the back of the house
Not have any lights on except for upstairs at the back in the evening?

OMG if you’d said yes she’d still be in your house when you were being wheeled into your nursing home, stay strong you’ve definitely done the right thing!

I'm absolutely astonished that she thinks that her bf will massage to persuade your dp to change your mind, after that voicemail.

How bizarre! And frankly, deluded.

If she turns up at your house, with or without her partner, you should absolutely call the police, I'm afraid, @islandhoppin, and complain that she is harrassing you (if that's a thing for the police?). Hopefully it won't get to that stage and she'll take the hint soon. Her behaviour is almost incredible but as I'm dealing now with someone equally obnoxious myself, about something very different and with lawyers involved, (and have had to deal with another similar one in the past) I'm afraid I find it all too believable that someone could behave so badly and bullyingly.
It is so strange that this is the first you've heard of her wanting to move at all, and that she foists herself on you with no explantion, only expectation. A Very Peculiar Person. Well done for handling it so well, and I'm very glad your DP is so firmly backing you up. Good luck till this is over!

Op I didn't think you were so young either. But she sounds vile and you are well rid.

I don't believe she is almost mortgage free at 24 either. Sounds like bull shit to me. I bet lots of other things she's told you will start to unravel.

Hope you're OK, don't be surprised if other people around you start pointing other things out to you.

Did she bully people in school?
Is she part of the reasons why you have anxiety?

So what if she comes to your house. You don't have to let her in. You don't even have to answer the door. If she does turn up and starts to cause a scene - just ignore - or call the police to remove her. Live your life. Don't hide. Go about your daily business. Your friendship is over. You do not owe her any explanation.

she's going to speak to her BF to get him to talk my DP round.

I hope DP is going to tell him to get to fuck and for neither of them to contact either of you ever again.

I hope your DP does not acquiesce. He needs to support your decision or the bully wins. Grrrr

Holy Crapballs! She is most definitely not a friend so we should probably stop referring to her as such.
She is a cheeky fucker of the highest order here @islandhoppin. You, under no circumstances, would deserve to be shouted at down the phone for saying no to any of this.

If she accosts you on your way home, have your mobile ready and phone the police. Say that you're being harassed and stalked by this woman, you have told her to stop contacting you and she hasn't and can they help you please?
She should not be approaching you at this stage but I really wouldn't put it past her. She sounds unhinged.

I've read all your posts OP on both threads (but not everyone elses, so not sure if this has been asked). You said you think she wants to do this so she can sell house, and you think the other owner is pushing this. But I have not seen you say anywhere if you actually ASKED her why she needed to come to your house. I only saw you assuming you knew why. She is approx 24 with an almost paid off house? You THINK she thinks she can sell her house quicker if not in it, but again I dont see where she said that to you. I understand not wanting someone to say with you. I have anxiety and that would stress me too. But at minimum the first thing I would have done was ASK my friend why they needed to come stay. All I've seen is lots of assumptions on your point. What if she has a true emergency? Why did you not at least ask her why she needed to come for a few months? Wouldnt that be the first thing someone would do normally?

@RampantIvy

Can you make it look as if you are out? Move the car away from the house? Work in the back of the house Not have any lights on except for upstairs at the back in the evening?

There's no need for any of that. Why should OP hide in her own house? If she turns up causing a scene don't engage with her, call the police and let them deal with her. Cowering in the house like you've done something wrong is not the way to go.

This needs to be stopped .. and stopped NOW.

You DP must contact her or her Partner to tell them both that this stops now... WTF

She’s batshit, Island, this is insane behavior! Your DP sounds like he can handle her bf so I wouldn’t worry about that.

She sounds so immature, why on earth should a friend house her and pay her living expenses for months?!

'Cowering in the house like you've done something wrong is not the way to go.'

One hundred percent

If she does turn her, explain that you will not be discussing things any further as you have made yourself perfectly clear. DO NOT APOLOGISE. Do NOT use the word 'sorry'. Then shut the door on her, and if she doesn't bugger off, phone the police. Be a total ice queen about it all. The time for being reasonable is long past

I agree with @Chikapu - OP doesn't need to hide and pretend she's out. It makes more of a statement to her ex-friend anyway if OP just doesn't answer the door and engage with her bullshit, it highlights that this is utter nonsense and she won't get her own way by screaming and shouting.

OP you're so strong, you've handled this really well I'm just sorry she isn't listening to you

You have absolutely no reason to apologise to us! I am SO glad you came here, and that the positive side to Mumsnet has given you the confidence and support that you needed.

There is something really wrong with this ex-friend. her behaviour is so far across the line that it clearly has nothing to do with you.

Her moving in with you would have been absolutely disastrous. Thank goodness you said no.

@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer

Why did you not at least ask her why she needed to come for a few months? Wouldnt that be the first thing someone would do normally?

Why should OP have to ask? It was the responsibility of her ‘friend’ tell her why. And the tone of the messages the CF has been sending OP doesn’t suggest an emergency.