To expect not to have to detail my medical history when parking my car !!

[Rosscameasdoody]

Just need to get this off my chest really, before my head explodes. I’m a disabled driver - obvious disability once I get out of the car. Went to the supermarket yesterday as usual with a friend who helps me with getting in and out of my wheelchair, dealing with shopping etc.

Found a disabled spot and friend gets out of the car - is immediately challenged by an older lady who comes barrelling over with a really horrible attitude - the usual ‘you don’t look very disabled’, but very aggressive and loud. Friend tries to explain that she’s helping me, but Mrs Nosey is having none of it, and the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot, as per guidance. I was about to put it in the window after parking up.

For some reason this is happening more and more since Covid - people just seem to think they have a right to ask what I feel are personal and intrusive questions about medical conditions. And yesterday, instead of just showing her the badge and the wheelchair hoist, as I usually do if challenged, I snapped back. Said I have a current legal blue badge, which I had no obligation to show to anyone but traffic and law enforcement officers and that she had no right to ask about my disability - said that it was confidential, between myself and my doctor and I had no intention of discussing it with a stranger.

By this time friend had hoisted down the chair and asked Mrs Nosey to move aside so she could help me get into it. As soon as she realised I was a wheelchair user it must have dawned in her on her that she looked a bit of an idiot - she mumbled an apology and scurried off.

My question is AIBU to think that my medical history is no one’s business but my own ? And has anyone else had similar experiences ?

*even i dont really understand why some people need to park near a shop entrance if they are physically capable

It's just as well you aren't the one deciding who should be entitled to apply for a Blue Badge. The scheme was widened for good reason.*

after 40 years of severe illness and 30 years needing a wheelchair I am in a position to judge a bit.......why does a depressed person need a BB? I can sort of understand anxiety needing a BB but really if you have a healthy body, bloody use it and be glad you can!!

I would never confront a BB user but seeing fit looking men leaping in and out of works vans has tempted me but I never ever do.
Though one time I did see a neighbour with a BB and I questioned her because I know she is fit and healthy she said it was her husband's BB. And this is a man I see walking his dog twice a day and that walk includes an uphill stretch.
So she was illegally using his badge and he can wal at least a mile twice a day and is seen constantly out and about.

But I say nothing.

sorry i was interrupted and forgot to edit.....

I meant to bold the top part and also say I understand a person with anxiety. not just anxiety

What is so wrong with being known to have a disability anyway?

It’s no one’s business.

@PurpleDaisies

What is so wrong with being known to have a disability anyway?

It’s no one’s business.

but it's hardly a secret when you park in a disabled bay..

@goldfinchfan

*even i dont really understand why some people need to park near a shop entrance if they are physically capable

It's just as well you aren't the one deciding who should be entitled to apply for a Blue Badge. The scheme was widened for good reason.*

after 40 years of severe illness and 30 years needing a wheelchair I am in a position to judge a bit.......why does a depressed person need a BB? I can sort of understand anxiety needing a BB but really if you have a healthy body, bloody use it and be glad you can!!

I would never confront a BB user but seeing fit looking men leaping in and out of works vans has tempted me but I never ever do.
Though one time I did see a neighbour with a BB and I questioned her because I know she is fit and healthy she said it was her husband's BB. And this is a man I see walking his dog twice a day and that walk includes an uphill stretch.
So she was illegally using his badge and he can wal at least a mile twice a day and is seen constantly out and about.

But I say nothing.

Are you saying you know someone given a blue badge specifically because of depression? I have never heard of that happening, ever.

Chronic and extreme anxiety I think has been mentioned in a couple of applications I've known of but I don't know if even they were successful.

My Son is disabled, paralysed from the chest down, but he drives a vehicle which is adapted for his driving needs, his wheelchair is usually in his vehicle which he has to transfer to. Recently he gave me a lift to a Wickes store, I was just rushing in for two tins of paint, he was staying in his vehicle. We were in a disabled bay, A mouthy woman nearby, was staring at us. She saw the disabled badge thing.

When I came back after a few minutes, she said, why are you parked in this disabled spot, you seem not disabled. I said my Son is disabled, so she said, well he never got out of the vehicle, so he didn't need to park here. I felt like slinging my two heavy tins of paint at her for her tone of voice, and her stupidity.

Thanks for your replies. I’ve been challenged quite a few times and usually just flash the badge to prove eligibility and that takes care of it - and in actual fact most people have then offered help if I need it, so I do appreciate and accept that some people are just be making sure that the spaces aren’t being abused, but this was not that - which is why I blew a fuse !!

It wasn’t just a case of accepting what my friend said - this woman was angry and aggressive and came round to confront me. She asked me to show her the badge, and wanted to know whether I had a mobility problem, commenting that I was parked right next to the door and in her opinion these spaces should be left for people who had difficulty walking.

As soon as she saw the chair she hurried away, not giving me the chance to point out that the space was a wide one for wheelchair users (or to tell her to bog off and mind her own business !!)

I posted mainly to get it off my chest, but also to get some perspective - and for those saying I’m a drama llama, I’m also asking because since the pandemic, people seem to be more aggressive and entitled, asking intrusive and frankly rude questions as though they have every right, which legally, they don’t. And for context, blue badges should not be permanently displayed in a vehicle - guidelines are to only display the badge in disabled facilities or permitted parking in restricted areas. My normal routine is to park and then display the badge - theft and subsequent sale of blue badges is well documented.

but it's hardly a secret when you park in a disabled bay…

Displaying your blue badge as legally required is different to discussing it with someone who is demanding to know whether you are disabled or not.

She was correct

If you break the rules
You can still get a parking fine when you're using your badge.
If you misuse your badge on purpose you could be fined up to £1000, for example if you:
• give it to someone else to use if they’re not your driver
• keep using your badge when you no longer need it
• use your badge to park if you’re just waiting, and don't plan to leave your car

@1forAll74

My adult daughter is a wheelchair user. We were out the other week and I returned to the car with a load of shopping while DD still inside trying on some tops. I got told off for using disabled bay when there was nothing wrong with me. Her blue badge was on display. I just ignored it. I have no wish to discuss my daughter’s complex medical condition with the self appointed parking police.

When my brother's friend was 19 he had an awesome car with hand controls, he had put in a cool sound system, tinted windows, a big spoiler on the back. From the outside it looked like a boy racer car.

He was about to swing into a disabled bay when a woman jumped in front of him and said he couldn't park there he calmly replied that he could, she said it was for disabled people, he said he was and showed her his blue badge, she then said he was young and healthy and didn't need the spot.

He was getting annoyed by her continuing rudeness and invasive questions. Eventually he reached down and took off his leg and waved it at her and asked her if that was disabled enough or if he needed to take off the other one and crawl over to shove it up her arse.

For those who don’t understand why things like extreme anxiety can be a reason for a blue badge. Ds has had an appointment this afternoon, luckily we got the disabled space near the door. It still took 20 minutes to get him safely from the car through the door because of his anxiety.

If we hadn’t been able to park in a disabled space today then chances are we wouldn’t have managed to actually get to the appointment at all

You are becoming ridiculous.

Put the badge BEFORE you open the door and get out. If you had time to be out, like in the OP, you had time to put the badge first.

As I have said, disabilities affect different people in different ways. Certain movements and orders of doing what, to most people, are very simple things, can be anything but simple to disabled people - and it's quite insulting to belittle them. Just by way of illustration, take, for example, if an AB person parks up, removes their key from the ignition and accidentally drops it into the footwell. They would take five seconds to bend down and pick it up. Can you not see how challenging this could be for somebody with very restricted bodily ability - maybe even a person without fully-formed arms driving an adapted vehicle.

You think it's ok for anyone to park in disabled bay? Your choice. Not everyone will agree. It's just going round in circle here.

I have never, ever said or suggested that I believe this. Do you believe it? We're talking about rightful disabled bay-users being abused, not AB people abusing bays that they have no right to use.

@1forAll74

My Son is disabled, paralysed from the chest down, but he drives a vehicle which is adapted for his driving needs, his wheelchair is usually in his vehicle which he has to transfer to. Recently he gave me a lift to a Wickes store, I was just rushing in for two tins of paint, he was staying in his vehicle. We were in a disabled bay, A mouthy woman nearby, was staring at us. She saw the disabled badge thing.

When I came back after a few minutes, she said, why are you parked in this disabled spot, you seem not disabled. I said my Son is disabled, so she said, well he never got out of the vehicle, so he didn't need to park here. I felt like slinging my two heavy tins of paint at her for her tone of voice, and her stupidity.

While she shouldn't have questioned you as there was a blue badge on display you and your son were misusing the badge

Shame on you

@1forAll74. But with all due respect, that IS misuse of the badge. You’re taking up a disabled space when you don’t need it. Not sure about private car parks but if you did that on a public road or LA parking facility your son would be fined and could possibly have badge withdrawn for misuse.

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.

From the Original Post: 'the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is'

Well done to the boy who took off his leg and waved it! That will teach people not to press people on these issues (although yesterday an Indian man in a massive range rover pulled into parent and child parking (not disabled) and I nearly spoke out - he had no child with hm, no child seat in the car - definitely no right to be there; but then I thought may be he had a really rotten day so let it just go - no point in having rows with people as you never know whether they are going through awful things or that they break rules and laws left right and centre.

@1forAll74

My Son is disabled, paralysed from the chest down, but he drives a vehicle which is adapted for his driving needs, his wheelchair is usually in his vehicle which he has to transfer to. Recently he gave me a lift to a Wickes store, I was just rushing in for two tins of paint, he was staying in his vehicle. We were in a disabled bay, A mouthy woman nearby, was staring at us. She saw the disabled badge thing.

When I came back after a few minutes, she said, why are you parked in this disabled spot, you seem not disabled. I said my Son is disabled, so she said, well he never got out of the vehicle, so he didn't need to park here. I felt like slinging my two heavy tins of paint at her for her tone of voice, and her stupidity.

You were wrong, he wasn't leaving the car so he didn't need to use the space

I normally give them a hard stare

Maybe you could brandish Paddington out the window?

Put the badge BEFORE you open the door and get out. If you had time to be out, like in the OP, you had time to put the badge first.

I DO put the badge on before I get out of the car and was doing just that when she came barrelling over and didn’t give me a chance to do much of anything before she launched herself.

@Xenia

Well done to the boy who took off his leg and waved it! That will teach people not to press people on these issues (although yesterday an Indian man in a massive range rover pulled into parent and child parking (not disabled) and I nearly spoke out - he had no child with hm, no child seat in the car - definitely no right to be there; but then I thought may be he had a really rotten day so let it just go - no point in having rows with people as you never know whether they are going through awful things or that they break rules and laws left right and centre.

An Indian man? How is him being “Indian” relevant. How do you know where he was born?

I don't have my blue badge out at all times as I don't drive so only use it when I am in a car with dp or my mum.

I am 31 and don't 'look' disabled. I can't walk well. I have been questioned lots of times. Including a parking warden asking me to show him the picture to make sure it's mine and 'not my nans'

you and your son were misusing the badge

That depends. Some adapted vehicles can't be parked in normal spots. People with disabilities are allowed to go about their business normally, helping family members just as an able bodied person would. They need adjustments to play on a level field in every area of life. So if he can't park elsewhere or there is another reason relating to his disabilities why it's best for him to even just park there, he can.

If one parking spot is just like another for him provided he's not getting out of the car, then I do think it's ethically questionable to park there. But I wouldn't have challenged you.

YANBU.
If you have a Blue Badge, then you are entitled to park in the disabled spaces. What happens then would be between you and a parking warden, not some random nosey member of the public. I don't really understand the mentality of people who approach strangers and have a go at them. It is so fucking rude!

@isthisareverse

She was wrong, OP had a badge, she hadn't left the car so hadn't yet displayed her badge. As is her right

if you can't choose not to display your badge, you can't complain that people are not mind readers and haven't guess you do have one.

You are parked in a disabled bay... It's not like you want to keep your disability private! or you would park in a regular space

She was going to. She just hadn't done it yet. You don't need your badge out all the time incase some twat wants to question you