To expect not to have to detail my medical history when parking my car !!

[Rosscameasdoody]

Just need to get this off my chest really, before my head explodes. I’m a disabled driver - obvious disability once I get out of the car. Went to the supermarket yesterday as usual with a friend who helps me with getting in and out of my wheelchair, dealing with shopping etc.

Found a disabled spot and friend gets out of the car - is immediately challenged by an older lady who comes barrelling over with a really horrible attitude - the usual ‘you don’t look very disabled’, but very aggressive and loud. Friend tries to explain that she’s helping me, but Mrs Nosey is having none of it, and the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot, as per guidance. I was about to put it in the window after parking up.

For some reason this is happening more and more since Covid - people just seem to think they have a right to ask what I feel are personal and intrusive questions about medical conditions. And yesterday, instead of just showing her the badge and the wheelchair hoist, as I usually do if challenged, I snapped back. Said I have a current legal blue badge, which I had no obligation to show to anyone but traffic and law enforcement officers and that she had no right to ask about my disability - said that it was confidential, between myself and my doctor and I had no intention of discussing it with a stranger.

By this time friend had hoisted down the chair and asked Mrs Nosey to move aside so she could help me get into it. As soon as she realised I was a wheelchair user it must have dawned in her on her that she looked a bit of an idiot - she mumbled an apology and scurried off.

My question is AIBU to think that my medical history is no one’s business but my own ? And has anyone else had similar experiences ?

Surely all your friend should have said was words to the effect of, 'it's not me but my friend here. Thanks for checking'. What a fuss.

@BashfulClam

‘You don’t look disabled!’ ‘Really, you don’t look like a thick dickhead but here we are!’

😂😂😂

I think that so many able-bodied people just don't have a clue about the daily lives of disabled folk - and, even worse, they don't actually care either.

I still remember when our town council decided to start charging BB holders to park in the main town centre car park, when it had previously been free for them. I'd have loved to have been at the meeting and seen exactly who it was who proposed commissioning the signs that are now there, which say "Blue badge holders still need to pay and display a ticket".

Leaving aside the fact that disabled people will frequently have a much lower income and don't have the same choice to park free nearby and walk the last five minutes, a number of high-ranking, supposedly-intelligent people clearly didn't care about all of the extra effort (not to mention chargeable time) that it takes a wheelchair/walking frame user to go back and forth to a ticket machine (which may even be too high for them to reach properly), and then have to reach across to display the ticket etc. - loads of challenges and struggles that so many AB people just don't consider to be of any importance.

I wonder how many men get challenged vs women? I’d wager it’s a fucking depressing comparison.

Or parking up to go and fetch them..

Yes, that's a very good point, actually - if the vehicle is brought for the benefit of a BB holder but without them personally arriving in it.

I don't think you've quite grasped the issue here - nor do you apparently have any appreciation that disabled people will frequently take far longer to do/process basic things than able-bodied people will. They already have more than enough 'drama' in their lives and don't need busybodies adding more.

You are becoming ridiculous.

Put the badge BEFORE you open the door and get out. If you had time to be out, like in the OP, you had time to put the badge first.

I don't go challenging bad parkers, and maybe I should - even if MN is about "minding your own business" but only when it suits the narrative of the day

But such a drama about someone who wasn't wrong is not necessary, that's the point.

You think it's ok for anyone to park in disabled bay? Your choice. Not everyone will agree. It's just going round in circle here.

As someone with a hidden disability, I believe people are far too precious about privacy. My condition isn’t something shameful to be hidden away, it’s just a simple fact about me. I can explain an accommodation in one sentence and maybe educate someone in the process.

I don’t require a blue badge so don’t face this particular issue. I’ve never been accosted by a random passer-by. I’ve always been asked questions in a reasonable context. It’s possible I might feel differently face to face with an angry woman in a car park.

What if it escalates to that - which I've repeatedly heard from BB holders that it frequently does?

Been a BB holder for ten years for DD. Been challenged many times, it has never escalated beyond, "here's the badge".

Like everything, it is about how people communicate.

I needed to use the loo in Asda last week. There was a queue and the disabled loo (which I needed) was unoccupied. I asked if anybody in the queue was waiting for the disabled loo and somebody told me I’d have to queue as I couldn’t use the disabled. I advised politely, that I could and they asked me to prove it! I was so taken aback I showed him my about to burst ostomy bag! Must admit, it was worth it for the look on their face 😂

@isthisareverse

I don't think you've quite grasped the issue here - nor do you apparently have any appreciation that disabled people will frequently take far longer to do/process basic things than able-bodied people will. They already have more than enough 'drama' in their lives and don't need busybodies adding more.

You are becoming ridiculous.

Put the badge BEFORE you open the door and get out. If you had time to be out, like in the OP, you had time to put the badge first.

I don't go challenging bad parkers, and maybe I should - even if MN is about "minding your own business" but only when it suits the narrative of the day

But such a drama about someone who wasn't wrong is not necessary, that's the point.

You think it's ok for anyone to park in disabled bay? Your choice. Not everyone will agree. It's just going round in circle here.

but such a drama about someone who wasn't wrong is not necessary

She was wrong, OP had a badge, she hadn't left the car so hadn't yet displayed her badge. As is her right

As someone with a hidden disability, I believe people are far too precious about privacy. My condition isn’t something shameful to be hidden away, it’s just a simple fact about me. I can explain an accommodation in one sentence and maybe educate someone in the process.

I agree with this. People speak about invasion of privacy when their hidden disabilities are made visible, but I wonder whether they consider that for people like my daughter, who has a very visible disability, they have no option but for the world to know about it. What is so wrong with being known to have a disability anyway?

We always get it, my 3yr old is disabled can't not walk the looks we get as we get the buggy out of the car. It's not about being close to the shops for us more then space to open the car doors. I would have waved my blue badge and told her to fuck off.
Older people seem to think they have the Monopoly on disable spaces.
I once witness an older couple park in a normal bay ( both disabled spaces full) walk over to the pay and display machine once they realised they would have to pay the 40p then walked back to car move it to double yellow lines

I asked if anybody in the queue was waiting for the disabled loo and somebody told me I’d have to queue as I couldn’t use the disabled

If you need to use the disabled loo, why would you ask if anyone is queuing for it?

nor do you apparently have any appreciation that disabled people will frequently take far longer to do/process basic things than able-bodied people will.

I would suggest if that is the case for a particular disabled person, they would be unlikely to be capable of driving as being able to process basic things is a pre-requisite of being able to drive. In which case the person driving (the non-disabled person) would be responsible for displaying the badge.

If you have blue badge just tell these people to get stuffed, its none of their business. Wave it under their noses if you need to.

I've never ha a problem I have to say but that might be because I've got a natural bitch resting face - not necessarily a good thing

@isthisareverse

She was wrong, OP had a badge, she hadn't left the car so hadn't yet displayed her badge. As is her right

if you can't choose not to display your badge, you can't complain that people are not mind readers and haven't guess you do have one.

You are parked in a disabled bay... It's not like you want to keep your disability private! or you would park in a regular space

She wasn't choosing not to display her badge, she just hadn't done it yet!

I have a bladder problem which means I need to used the accessible loo. I've never been challeged, but if I was I would begin a detailed description of the effects of the condition. I think the complainer would regret their interference.

I've experienced this many times. I sometimes use a wheelchair but try and walk as much as I can. I hate to say it but whenever I've been confronted it has always been the older generation. Perhaps that's just the largest demographic locally.
I don't mind discussing my medical conditions, but I'd rather not be asked about it in such an aggressive way. It's never asked nicely.
I have to say the worst is when I'm with my children, I'm coming back to the car and I'm exhausted and in huge amounts of pain then to be accosted by someone demanding answers is not helpful.
Then again I've still had someone questioning my disability when I've displayed a current blue badge and I'm in my electric wheelchair. You can't always argue with stupidity.

All the people saying OP should keep her badge displayed at all times would be the first to complain if her partner/sibling/child etc took her car out without her and still had her badge up! It’s far better to display it when you’ve parked, which is what OP was going to do.

If someone says ‘you don’t look disabled’ again I’d love it you replied with ‘and you don’t look like a cunt, but here we are’ but that’s probably very immature of me.

I havent yet been challenged for my blue badge usage, but have very often been confronted by non blue badge cars in the blue badge spaces. At my Dr's there are 4 spaces for blue badges, and the majority of the time if I have managed to get one of those, the other 3 cars rarely have a blue badge. I have repeated complained to them about this, and things got worse since they started charging for their main carpark and not the blue badge.

I think the statistics of the abuse of spaces seaks for themselves:-
5% of UK drivers admit to parking in a Blue Badge parking space, despite not being or travelling with a Blue Badge permit holder. There are 41,178,424 driving licence holders in the UK. 5% of 41,178,424 = 2,058,921 = 2 million drivers.

Added to the fact:-
Yorkshire & the Humber comes up on top with 129 Blue Badge holders fighting for the same space.

East Midlands is close behind with 122 Blue Badge holders per space.

On the other end, Scotland leads the way with only 12 Blue Badge holders sharing a disabled space.

London is second-best at only 20 Blue Badge holders per space.

From this article:
www.confused.com/car-insurance/disabled-parking-spaces/blue-badge-schemes?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=newsletter&utm_source=brandawareness&utm_term=20210727&utm_content=july2021newsletter_nordc&fbclid=IwAR24oew8swZztAfbaA_S5AsgfXo4Bztph3EnsGFcTJpqKMxTA8bXZoSBFc8

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.

No need for her to be so rude though - it would get my hackles up as well

would be the first to complain if her partner/sibling/child etc took her car out without her and still had her badge up!

Only if they were fraudulently using it to park. Otherwise it doesn't make a difference to anyone.

@BoredZelda

I asked if anybody in the queue was waiting for the disabled loo and somebody told me I’d have to queue as I couldn’t use the disabled

If you need to use the disabled loo, why would you ask if anyone is queuing for it?

Because someone else with a disability might have been waiting too!

What is so wrong with being known to have a disability anyway

It's context. Parking official asking to examine blue badge then fine. Random person abusing us because in their opinion my adult son is not disabled enough for his legally issued blue badge...absolutely not going to get told anything!!