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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should my husband live in a caravan?

119 replies

caravanman · 25/08/2021 08:07

I hope this is not going to sound too far fetched. However, I need a little advice.

My husband and I have not lived together for several years. This is because his behaviour can be challenging and he needs a lot of private space (he has a disability). However, I support him and we see each other daily.

Whilst we have lived apart, he has lodged with an older acquaintance. The arrangement has worked well, but now his landlord's daughter is coming to live with her father, so my husband has to leave. He applied for rehousing by the local authority, but he turned down three offers and he now has to wait for a year before he can apply again.

He cannot live with me, due to the impact of his behaviour on our youngest son (early twenties) who has serious mental health issues.
He cannot live with his elderly mother and father (both late eighties)for similar reasons.

With a little help from me, he has bought a caravan and he intends to live there in a field on my brother's farm. My brother is also rather like my husband (possibly a similar disability). The caravan has a shower, heating and so on.

I will continue to see him on a daily basis and support him. However, am I being unreasonable to think that (despite any behavioural issues) a man in his early sixties, with a recognised disability, should not be living in a caravan in a field, and, if not, what are the alternatives?

OP posts:

HollysBush · 25/08/2021 08:12

Well it doesn’t sound ideal. But if he’s physically able to live there and happy, it’s fine. Depended on the caravan (size/ sturdiness in storms/heating/ dampness) He’ll likely need to find something more permanent as he gets older.

RubyGoat · 25/08/2021 08:14

Why did he turn down the three offers, were they unsuitable, too far away from you for you to be able to support him, something else?

reprehensibleme · 25/08/2021 08:14

Why did he turn down the local authority housing?

Topofthepopicles · 25/08/2021 08:15

Why did he turn down three properties? We’re you in agreement with turning them own? Unless they were wildly unsuitable it sounds like he is in a situation he has had some control over.

Bookaholic73 · 25/08/2021 08:16

If it’s only potentially for a year, while he can apply again to the council, I don’t see why not.
As long as he is happy, I would say it’s fine.

AdventuresDownRabbitholes · 25/08/2021 08:17

Why did he turn down the social housing?

At this point, if private renting isn't an option, I can't see what option he has other than the caravan.

Summersun2020 · 25/08/2021 08:17

Depends on the disability really? I have to say OP this situation sounds very difficult for you supporting your son and your husband. I hope you have good support yourself

Flatdisco · 25/08/2021 08:17

The alternative is social housing. But he's turned that down so....
Could he rent privately? Or find a lodging arrangement with someone else via the Internet? Although I'm not sure they'd want to deal with his behaviour, whatever that is.

Why are you still married if his behaviour has such a big impact on everyone?

WhatsAppening · 25/08/2021 08:19

What is his challenging behaviour?

Tbh this all sounds dreadful and I don’t understand the dynamic.

Gazelda · 25/08/2021 08:20

@Summersun2020

Depends on the disability really? I have to say OP this situation sounds very difficult for you supporting your son and your husband. I hope you have good support yourself

This lovely, thoughtful poster is right. Whatever outcome you reach for his housing, I hope you are being supported too.

ShuddaBeenMe · 25/08/2021 08:23

Turning down three offers was a bit foolhardy

I hope you're okay. Sounds like a hard situation to me.

pleasekeeptotheright · 25/08/2021 08:25

The alternatives were the three offers of social housing he rejected. Obviously.

Elieza · 25/08/2021 08:26

He chose to turn down three houses so if he needs to live in a caravan so be it. He’s made his bed.

Has it got planning permission to be a permanent residence? If not it could be an issue?

SwanShaped · 25/08/2021 08:26

Not if he’s turned down three properties.

RocketPanda · 25/08/2021 08:27

Why did he turn down three offers of a property? Is he being supported in his disability and actively engaging with services that can help with it?

namechange30455 · 25/08/2021 08:27

Is it a physical disability or something like autism? I get the impression from some of your post that it's the latter?

HelloDulling · 25/08/2021 08:29

He was offered the alternative. Three shots at social housing all turned down. Otherwise he rents privately, or buys his own home.

namechange7865 · 25/08/2021 08:29

No he shouldn't, but he turned down 3 offers of housing so unless the offers were worse than a caravan it sounds like the only person to blame is him?

Shoxfordian · 25/08/2021 08:30

Probably shouldn’t have rejected the three offers then

KarmaStar · 25/08/2021 08:32

Well if he turned down three offers and he's happy to live there why don't you think it's suitable?presumably he knew he had the three chances but wasn't taken with any and would prefer the peace and quiet?if he is happy with it leave him be.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 25/08/2021 08:33

Is this a wind up???
The alternative was one of the three social housing accomodations he turned down.

The setup is the one he wants and frankly sounds perfectly fine.

I suspect its autism/aspergers rather than physical.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 25/08/2021 08:34

It depends really. What were his reasons for turning down three offers of housing? - were they completely unsuitable (eg upstairs flat and he can't manage stairs) or just not to his preferences - in which case would be best to accept one and try to swap or move later to something better.

Also is his challenging behaviour due to a condition or disability - eg autism, learning disability - or just that he is a difficult person. Former I would hope suitable accommodation would be offered and support given to help him make choices about his housing.

NerrSnerr · 25/08/2021 08:36

However, am I being unreasonable to think that (despite any behavioural issues) a man in his early sixties, with a recognised disability, should not be living in a caravan in a field, and, if not, what are the alternatives?

The alternative was the local authority housing he turned down. What other alternatives can there be unless he has the funds to buy or privately rent.

tensmum1964 · 25/08/2021 08:37

Given the choices he's made it sounds like his preferred option so let him get on with it. There is only so much you can do, especially if you are a carer for your son. Cut yourself some slack and let him live with the decision he has made.

GoogleWhacked · 25/08/2021 08:37

...am I being unreasonable to think that (despite any behavioural issues) a man in his early sixties, with a recognised disability, should not be living in a caravan in a field
Of course not, but he's turned down 3 offers of housing from the council, he can't live with his wife, parents or brother -- so what are the options?
If you're so worried about him living in the caravan then one of you will have to accommodate him and make the necessary adjustments.

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