Should my husband live in a caravan?

[caravanman]

I hope this is not going to sound too far fetched. However, I need a little advice.

My husband and I have not lived together for several years. This is because his behaviour can be challenging and he needs a lot of private space (he has a disability). However, I support him and we see each other daily.

Whilst we have lived apart, he has lodged with an older acquaintance. The arrangement has worked well, but now his landlord's daughter is coming to live with her father, so my husband has to leave. He applied for rehousing by the local authority, but he turned down three offers and he now has to wait for a year before he can apply again.

He cannot live with me, due to the impact of his behaviour on our youngest son (early twenties) who has serious mental health issues.
He cannot live with his elderly mother and father (both late eighties)for similar reasons.

With a little help from me, he has bought a caravan and he intends to live there in a field on my brother's farm. My brother is also rather like my husband (possibly a similar disability). The caravan has a shower, heating and so on.

I will continue to see him on a daily basis and support him. However, am I being unreasonable to think that (despite any behavioural issues) a man in his early sixties, with a recognised disability, should not be living in a caravan in a field, and, if not, what are the alternatives?

Yeah, why not? It's the best of the options he has.

Has Social Services ever been involved with his welfare and living arrangements?

As he turned down 3(!) offers of accommodation that were deemed suitable ( presumably the council are aware of his needs) then his alternative is to rent privately.
Living in a caravan is not compulsory, it is his choice. If he has refused to take advice then I don't see what you can really do.

Regardless of receiving benefits he would still have to meet the criteria for social housing. You say that it hasn't been a problem before, but is that in similar circumstances? If he has been lodging with a family member for several years then he hasn't been in this position before, has he? Are you in social housing yourself?

Just to be clear I'm not anti those getting social housing, so I don't have an agenda here. I was brought up in council houses, my parents still live in local authority housing and my daughter was recently on the housing list.

You can't live in a caravan or vehicle for longer than 28 days without planning permission even with the land owners consent.

@Dogscanteatonions

In most authorities it's really really hard for a single man to get social housing, so having turned down three offers this is his alternative. Lots of people do live in caravans.

In lots of boroughs it's not difficult for over 60s. In London and some other big cities, yes, but there is an excess of sheltered housing in some boroughs.

Yes, social services were heavily involved with my husband for some considerable time. However, recently, he has been accessing support from the Wellbeing Department of the local authority and has no designated social worker.

I do not want to go into too much detail about the challenging behaviour, but he easily loses control and when this happens, he will shout, hurl insults and lash out. This was too much for our sons to cope with and, to be honest, it was too much for me to live with as well.

He also does not always consider the consequences of his behaviour (e.g. what will happen if he turns down all the options). For example, he burnt himself quite seriously by pouring petrol on a bonfire. He is intelligent and knows exactly how dangerous this is, but he was angry because the fire would not burn. He had done the same thing just a month before, and this resulted in his jacket catching fire and his car keys burning up. Thankfully, the caravan has electric heating.

"Regardless of receiving benefits he would still have to meet the criteria for social housing. You say that it hasn't been a problem before, but is that in similar circumstances? If he has been lodging with a family member for several years then he hasn't been in this position before, has he? Are you in social housing yourself?

Just to be clear I'm not anti those getting social housing, so I don't have an agenda here. I was brought up in council houses, my parents still live in local authority housing and my daughter was recently on the housing list."

Sorry, I will just clarify these points. Yes, he is eligible for social housing in his own right. We are separate households. He was not lodging with a family member, he was lodging with an acquaintance of his and this is no longer possible to continue. I do live in social housing myself but we have lived apart for six years and there is no prospect of us cohabiting.

I think there could be worse things. If that's where he'll feel safe and have privacy, in a place where there are family members nearby, that's no bad thing and might be better for keeping him on an even keel than in a less predictable environment with strangers.

I know someone who lives in a caravan year-round, so I assume practically speaking it'll be okay!

And for you, OP, it sounds like you've got a lot of priorities on your plate before yourself and that must be really hard.

I think if he has received support from housing and social services to no avail then there is little you can do. He seems to have mental capacity to make choices about his life and therefore is able to make decisions however unwise. I feel for you though as this is worrying for you but it does sounds that there is nothing that you or housing or social services can really do about it.

Hi @caravanman,

Based on your update I think the caravan sounds like a good plan.

Well he turned down 3 offers, so what does he expect? Social housing provides a safety net for the most in need.,, it doesn’t have the capacity to provide a selection …… I guess he has made his choice, maybe after a year in a caravan he won’t be quite so picky with the next offers

I think it's OK and the state has fulfilled their responsibilities with the three offers. If you think he lacks capacity to make this decision then his capacity could be assessed.

However, am I being unreasonable to think that (despite any behavioural issues) a man in his early sixties, with a recognised disability, should not be living in a caravan in a field, and, if not, what are the alternatives?

The alternatives are the LA housing that he was offered and turned down. He’s chosen his own bed.

@caravanman in our positions it can be very difficult and you have my sympathy and support

My DH DD and DS are all on the spectrum, DH and DS are sensory seeking but highly anxious and not particularly aware regarding others needs, DD has severe Misophonia and is highly sensory defensive which living with the other two is akin to having kindling and matches stored together

Covid lockdown has forced the 3 together and into each other’s space when I try and allow them time to either be silent or noisy apart from the others and so I spend a good deal of time dealing with the fallout from that

I honestly see the caravan as a good solution, I’ve even considered it myself for DD who hates everyday communal life and would relish the solitude and calm

Please make sure there is space for yourself in all of this, it’s so hard to prioritise ourselves in these situations but without you things will fall apart rapidly

He turned down 3 accommodation offers so he now lives with the consequences. It is right that the state helps those in need of housing but if on the receiving end of housing help you can't be picky basically.

Plenty of people live in caravans anyway, many travellers live their whole lives in them

It sounds like a decent solution. His own space with heating and running water. Family and support system near by, minimal costs. It’ll probably be fine for several years. I would take a deep breath and cross it off your list. 💐

The caravan sounds reliable if sub-optimal. The reasonable thing to do was to take one of the three offers. My sympathy runs out a bit after that but I appreciate you have limited input.

He turned down all the other options.

Whether a caravan is ideal should not really be focused on, as it's the bed he chose to make

@LavendulaAngustifolia

You can't live in a caravan or vehicle for longer than 28 days without planning permission even with the land owners consent.

hi @caravanman I am not sure of the rules, but if this is correct, then you might need to look into it a bit more

given your description of his disability. I think ` caravan sounds like his best option if its permitted. I couldn't imagine social housing anywhere giving him the space and isolation that his condition requires.

Living in a caravan in a field sounds like heaven to me, I used to live on a boat. Peace and quiet, no neighbours, isolated, yes please, I'm autistic too.

If there is heating he'll be fine, it is sheltered and dry with plenty of space for one person.

Where do you think he should be living?

He was offered alternatives and turned them down so this seems like a decent stop gap until he can apply again. If it is heated and has toilet and shower he should be fine.

I am trying to be as sympathetic as I can as its clearly a complicated situation but I have to say if he's turned down local authority housing I don't think I'd be inclined to get involved in this).

He's refusing to accept help and making his situation other people's problems.

I would struggle to see the justification for remaining married to someone who expected someone else to endlessly pick up after them.

There may be mitigating circumstances relating to the disability but it definitely is on him to sort this out.