Waiting to die

129 replies

NCNC101 · 25/08/2021 02:16

Does anyone else feel like they’re just waiting to die? I don’t mean feeling like you actively want to end your life, more that you just don’t care about anything anymore and wouldn’t be bothered at all if you died right now?

I’m not suicidal but I do feel like this quite often, although I would definitely never do it. It’s like I care so little about everything, including dying, that I’ll just passively do nothing until my time is up. I wonder sometimes if more people feel like this than care to admit. I think a lot of people that know me might be shocked if they knew I felt like this.

OP posts:

dancinfeet · 27/09/2023 13:05

yes I feel like that all the time. Kids grown up, work is a slog for very little money, can’t afford to go anywhere/ treat myself because my income barely covers my bills - just feels like I’m marking time until the end of my days.

ididitsocanyou · 27/09/2023 22:48

VladimirIlyichUlyanovLenin · 27/09/2023 13:00

I know this post is from 2021, but, it came up on a Google search “waiting to die”. It’s not as simple or straightforward as it sounds. I do not want to live anymore, + haven’t got a long time now. I’m a prisoner in my own home. No freedom. Nothing. Isolated. So many illnesses + deterioration of not just mental but physical health as a result of the circumstances I find myself in. We are not built for being 100% 24/7 alone in this world. That’s why solitary or the Hole is a form of punishment. I am being punished.. I’m stuck. When I’m feeling so low, + resorted to cutting my arms, the only bit of relief is telling myself it will all end soon, I don’t have to feel this way forever. I have no use or interest in the ‘outside world’. I don’t even understand how I did the activities that ‘normal’ ppl do.. like having a coffee, pub, cinema, dinner, gigs etc. I wonder what the point of these activities are? There is nothing for me outside. Yes I am a result + victim of violent abuse from parents. I’ve never had a secure roof over my head. That insecurity has taken over me, because, I dare not engage with the ‘outside’ world because the home I have is my safe place, my refuge, my shelter. My everything… even tho that’s BS because I don’t even own it in Tory Britain. Change whether positive or negative happens gradually, sometimes it happens + it’s not noticed. That’s what happened to me. Then a couple of years ago I started realising that I am not the person I was before. Even my clothes look unfamiliar, my shoes, even my makeup. I can’t manage mentally to have a shower, wash my hair. This is what it feels like to know + to accept but only when you take ownership of The Self - if I died, killed myself this second I know no one would even know I was dead. Life is overrated.

i think you need some professional help. Your situation seems far more extreme than just the apathy that others are feeling on this thread. Have you got anyone you can talk to? A doctor or therapist? Could you call the Samaritans?

I hope someone qualified can come on this thread and help you.

sending you positive energy in the meantime.

Mumabajumba · 09/12/2023 22:27

I feel like this atm. I think that's parenting for you (assuming you're a parent too). Raising kids is a bit of a drag if we're honest. We can't do the things we would normally like to, and life is all about looking after them. Maybe you need to take some time for yourself, somehow, if possible. Even just 5 minutes on a mindfulness app or something. Might sound cheesy but they at least focus your attention on something positive for a few minutes, rather than the never-ending chores and screaming (the kids or yourself- internally). If not then maybe an exercise class or just something regular that you enjoy and that is good for you. Something to look forward to. I keep my head above water by having career goals that are probably stupidly unrealistic given my single parent status, but I am slowly getting there and one day, the little darlings will be grown and I'll have a job that I love and maybe, just maybe, I will enjoy each day that comes instead of waiting for death.

Linda531 · 21/01/2025 12:24

Blossominthesky · 25/08/2021 19:03

I feel like this all the time and have done so for many many years!!! It’s quite a relief to see that more people feel like this!

I quite understand when you say you’re not suicidal. I’m not. I won’t kill myself. I don’t feel horrifically upset. I do feel generally apathetic though and listless and have no real attachment to being here. If someone said, you would never wake up tonight, that wouldnt upset me at all. I’d be relieved.

I’m 34 and what does upset me is that I have 40+ years to trudge through. I just find life meaningless and boring and what’s the point.

When I say boring, people will say get a hobby or find something you love. But is that really it? Most people who are bored don’t feel like they’d be happy to not be alive. So I think it’s something else, something different.

The only way I can describe is just a real non attachment to this life.

I feel the same since childhood , im 53 now and I feel like ive been around 100 years.
Ive tried drinking myself to death for over 30 years, and my body just keeps going.

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