Waiting to die

[NCNC101]

Does anyone else feel like they’re just waiting to die? I don’t mean feeling like you actively want to end your life, more that you just don’t care about anything anymore and wouldn’t be bothered at all if you died right now?

I’m not suicidal but I do feel like this quite often, although I would definitely never do it. It’s like I care so little about everything, including dying, that I’ll just passively do nothing until my time is up. I wonder sometimes if more people feel like this than care to admit. I think a lot of people that know me might be shocked if they knew I felt like this.

I loved my life and went around every day feeling on top of the world. Then I fractured my foot which rendered me immobile and in constant pain. This took ages to heal and just as it was getting better I got a nasty virus that has knocked me for six. For the last 8 weeks therefore I have felt so down and struggled to find joy in anything. It is like my life has been put on hold. Once I get back to full health I expect to be happy again. So I understand if you feel like you do if you don’t have your health as it is so demoralising but if you are in full physical health I think your mental health could do with a boost because I don’t think you should feel like that, no.

I feel like this at 30 even with my nearly 2yrold life feels pointless 😞

Sorry, I realise reading other’s posts that there are numerous circumstances that can cause you to feel low, not just your own poor health. I suppose if you know what is causing it then that makes a difference. If you don’t know why you feel so low, then that is when you should try to get some answers from the GP

I get what you mean OP. However I am so worried about living an unfulfilled life. I will be 70 at the end of this year and I feel I have little time now to possibly become a grandmother. get a degree, travel, (you get the gist) All the plans I made a couple of years ago to do now I am retired have been scuppered by the pandemic and I honestly don't see it getting better any time soon

Nope. I’m 57 and waiting for

My DD to join the Navy, meet the love her life, get married and, God willing, become a mum.
Paying off our mortgage
Retiring
Travelling to places I still want to visit
Meeting great people I don’t know yet.
I’ve another 30 good years in me.

No, OP, I get you. I am not neurotypical so I don't necessarily view the world in the same manner as others. I am not depressed, never have been. I just don't see how we're not insignificant little specks in the universe. Our existence is pointless. I've done everything I wanted to do in my life (almost 40) and I'm not overly arsed about the rest. I don't want to die but...meh.

I wrote a really long reply there.

But then I thought whats the point?

I fully am in the same boat OP.

I got a dog to make things seem better and everything is a lot worse.

I have felt like this all my life. I remember when I was very young age 9/10 and feeling like this.
I have children and live for them. They are the only things (people) worth living for.
I always thought most people think like this.

My DC age 10 has asked me the point of living ie not the point of life. DC overthinks but it’s a question I answer enthusiastically even when she’s looking at me sceptically.

I will be 70 at the end of this year and I feel I have little time now to possibly become a grandmother. get a degree, travel, (you get the gist)

You have plenty of time to get a degree. I once knew someone in her 80s who was working for a degree as a part time student. Start this evening looking up the OU and other distance learning providers. Or is there anything preventing you from actually going to university?

I felt like this for years until approx a week ago after I started anti depressants for the first time. I have convinced myself I'm not depressed and finally caved in a couple of weeks ago.

Those thoughts have disappeared now OP - it's worth a thought as to whether you should take them or see your GP for other options.

@Dancingonmoonlight

I have felt like this all my life. I remember when I was very young age 9/10 and feeling like this. I have children and live for them. They are the only things (people) worth living for. I always thought most people think like this.

I'm not sure they do. Whenever I post threads saying this I always het shot down and people say that isn't the purpose of having kids. Therefore, I'm not suite sure what is!

I'm childless btw.

@Tallpaulwho

There are some really patronising responses on this thread. I'm sure posters mean well but it's a good example of how many people really do not understand how chronic illness and pain affects lives.

I feel similar OP my family keep me going whilst my health deteriorates. I can't just "go for a walk" well I can but it results in a big increase in pain and fatigue for the rest of the day, or several walks. When your life is so physically limited and painful it's hard to take joy in the simple things.

Anti depressants don't help as they do not change circumstances. We just keep going and hide the pain.

This! Oh so very much this!

I've had an amazing life but every day is a struggle now.

Thank you @Tallpaulwho for putting into words how it is for some of us.

I definitely think my self-talk is really negative. I recently watched Physical on Apple TV+ and it was almost reassuring to see someone else with a mental soundtrack as relentlessly miserable as mine. 😬

My thoughts are a non-stop parade of negativity, even though I have a billion reasons to be happy.

Is that depression?

For myself, Islam has given me all the answers. I converted or "reverted" around 10 years ago. If you start from the belief in one God the rest follows on from there. In Islam, life is viewed as a test- a test to see who is best in deeds and then in the afterlife we will he rewarded according to those deeds. So whatever trial we are going through if we still have patience and remembrance of Allah, we are gaining rewards. Its hard to explain in a short space but if you investigate Islam thoroughly you may find the answers. Of course people feel depressed and pointless if they view life as all there is. It is depressing. But if your viewing it as a means to get to the afterlife then your perspective is different. Our expectation of hapiness and fulfilment in this life leads to sadness. If we learn about our creator and understand our purpose here we'll view all things differently- even illness and death.

MrsLargeEmbodied

the situation in afghanistan consumes me,
before it was covid
i had happiness with the olympics

I'm so like this and yet feel pretty happy most of the time. I get overwhelmed worrying about the world, how do you shut it out?

Mistyplanet

Sorry but afterlife? I mean we're here now, on the planet, having our best life hopefully. I can't imagine going my whole life thinking about some other maybe thing that may or may not exist.

I'm with you OP. As you get older, the work involved just to stay in the same place and not deteriorate gets more and more exhausting.

Mistyplanet the thought of an eternal afterlife terrifies me TBH. The thought of eternal nothingness is very comforting.

Yes I often feel like this. I think it is normal to have these feelings even if it can be unpleasant. I'm 29 and have done lots of things I've really enjoyed. Looking back, I've always been eager to try new things, I think deep down I know that if I stay in one place doing the same thing too long, I won't be distracted from these thoughts. I think that most enjoyment from life comes from being around people you really like and learning new things. I don't think many of us have been able to do that enough in recent times and it makes the feeling of things being pointless grow.

I totally relate to this. On paper I have a 'nice' life. Finances sorted, mortgage free, good friendship with my children and their father (amicable divorce), lovely pets, nice house, supportive friends, own business...only I had a terrible accident and have had multiple surgeries. Left with awful internal and external injuries, coupled with pre-existing medical conditions. Having to adapt to life with only one hand working, and really feeling alone...some people avoid you, some are morbidly interested in my daily functioning...boyfriend totally unable to relate to the deeper changes in sense of self. Being on sick leave gave me time to pause about who I am. I distract myself with my causes, my work, my family...but if I didn't have kids and pets, I would have taken myself to a Swiss clinic on a one way ticket. Not depressed, not suicidal...just calm realisation that things won't get better and these multiple surgeries just make me more and more tired, while keeping me alive long enough for my children to be raised. I don't find enjoyment in art, holidays, romance, fashion, day trips like I used to. I just really want to lay down, go to sleep and not wake up in awful untreatable pain. But I cannot do that...got to keep up persona of can-do.

@merryhouse

Posters questioning DDIJ: this is the poster whose mother has done such a number on her that she genuinely believes she has no right to have wants, never mind attempt to fulfil them. If you try to tell her she deserves more she doesn't believe you.

Thank you for clarifying this. I have seen her (very odd) posts before. It's so sad that she doesn't feel that she can ask for help.

Completely resonate! I have a great life - earn well, career loving husband, pets, nice house but i just feel on the hamster wheel.

I hate working (my job is objectively fine) but im making money for others and just why?! Why do I have to set an alarm everyday to do stuff I do not care about. (I know to earn a living, obviously).

I can see me maybe enjoying retirement but for my generation unlikely to even get that,
It all feels a bit, meh. Good points intermittently with tedium that majority of the time.

Yes often.

Some people's lives are just so awful, I can understand feeling this way. It doesn't necessarily mean they're depressed.