Waiting to die

[NCNC101]

Does anyone else feel like they’re just waiting to die? I don’t mean feeling like you actively want to end your life, more that you just don’t care about anything anymore and wouldn’t be bothered at all if you died right now?

I’m not suicidal but I do feel like this quite often, although I would definitely never do it. It’s like I care so little about everything, including dying, that I’ll just passively do nothing until my time is up. I wonder sometimes if more people feel like this than care to admit. I think a lot of people that know me might be shocked if they knew I felt like this.

This thread has made me realise I feel like this. 😬

I've felt like this 3 times - every time, I was in a longterm relationship where we were living together or married.

It also gives me anxiety.

Bugger. How can I fix this? I don't really want to leave DH but this is horrible.

Please try to take the following steps:

1. Speak to a friend or family member about how you feel
2. Make an appointment with your GP
3. Try to go outside for a walk
4. Do something nice for yourself, like cook a recipe you fancy
5. Set yourself a goal to achieve each day. It could be to read a book, to walk 10000 steps, just to get outside for 10 minutes, to phone someone, to smile or engage with a neighbour, to write a gratitude journal, write down your thoughts, research a new job, anything. One small challenge each day.

There are some really patronising responses on this thread. I'm sure posters mean well but it's a good example of how many people really do not understand how chronic illness and pain affects lives.

I feel similar OP my family keep me going whilst my health deteriorates. I can't just "go for a walk" well I can but it results in a big increase in pain and fatigue for the rest of the day, or several walks. When your life is so physically limited and painful it's hard to take joy in the simple things.

Anti depressants don't help as they do not change circumstances. We just keep going and hide the pain.

Op are you in an abusive or controlled relationship?
Or have you health issues? Or loneliness?

Covid has had a dreadful impact on most .
At the moment I feel like the cleaner and one who fails miserably. It takes me so long to do anything then I have to rest and it's like a crazy circle. But I have a small dog and walk her a couple of short walks daily . She also likes time spent with her and cuddles ,she has really been a life saver.
. Hoping you feel better.

@NCNC101 There was a similar thread about a week ago which got me thinking about life.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4322956-To-think-life-is-not-worth-living

Some people just don’t enjoy living and that doesn’t mean they’re depressed. It can be such a hard slog for lots, it’s mundane, most people work just to line the top 1% pockets even more so.

Some people on the other thread said join a pottery class, watch a movie, walk through a forest etc. I guess that’s great for a couple hours but then what? How does making a ceramic bowl bring people joy?

What is the actual point of life? You’re born (not by choice), learn, work, get married, bring other humans into the world (who don’t ask to be born), retire, potter in the garden then finally you’re gone.

We’re killing the planet, killing animals, killing each other. Why do we put ourselves through these things. Recently every time I watch the news I get so upset that have brought my innocent babies into this awful, pointless world.

What is the end goal?

Yes - I have no reason to be here.

I am glad posters have said stop saying it's depression!

Some people frankly live quite miserable lives, through no fault of their own, whether that is due to pain, poverty or something else. Why wouldn't they feel neutral or happy when life ends?

I think for an awful lot of people it is just their children that keep them going as no one wants to leave their child without a mother .

I hope no one feels my previous response was patronising. I have been through this horrible void myself and these steps helped me. I’m aware that everyone is different, that some people are going through immeasurable horrors and suffering, that chronic illness is fucking awful, however, advising people to try to find joy in small things is fucking good advice, whatever those small things may be.

Anyway, OP, YANBU and I hope you don’t always feel this way. Please have some fucking non-patronising

@Chosennone

I feel the complete opposite. At 50 in very aware that I'm over half way through. I've been enjoying myself and time has flown! There is so much I still want to do and see and experience! I really want to stay healthy to ensure this can happen. Please check in with a GP. Life is a gift.

I'm not sure I agree that life is a gift, but good physical and mental health is.

I don't think it's particularly unusual to feel that way. My life situation is shit, and there is no possible way to change it- I have tried.
I wouldn't care if I died in the next five minutes, to be honest.

Isn't this feeling nihilism? Or similar?

I'm likely to live for another 20 years and am hoping that for 15 of them I'll be healthy enough to do what I want. So I've got a sort of bucket list of things I want to achieve. I am very very lucky, luckier than I expect or feel I deserve, but I can understand that a lot of people just feel life is putting one foot in front of the other, day after day.

@DDIJ

Yes. If I could socialise or even just go for a walk it would be ok but I am just meant to stay in and do housework, not pursue any interests. I am in no way suicidal but I don't see the point in existing like this.

Are you living in abusive situation?

Yep. I’m done.

Sorry I’ve not been back to reply properly yet, am shattered from not sleeping last night and not had chance to get online before now. I’ll reply more fully soon. For now, for everyone that knows this feeling.

I can empathise with how you feel but I feel more at peace with the idea of dying. I have come through a major divorce and realistically am facing a lonely old age, I think the chances of me meeting a significant life partner are over now. I really miss companionship although I have a full life with three young adult DC and a wide circle friends and run my own successful part time business, but I sometimes have an overwhelming feeling of what’s the point and who is it for? I don’t want to face a lonely old age and I am at peace with the idea of dying relatively young. It’s just a feeling of acceptance and that I have had a very full and busy life up to now, and I’m ok with it ending sooner rather than later.

@DDIJ

Yes. If I could socialise or even just go for a walk it would be ok but I am just meant to stay in and do housework, not pursue any interests. I am in no way suicidal but I don't see the point in existing like this.

Who's expecting you to stay and do housework all time, why can't you pursue any interests? Are you in an abusive situation and need help to escape?

@DDIJ

Yes. If I could socialise or even just go for a walk it would be ok but I am just meant to stay in and do housework, not pursue any interests. I am in no way suicidal but I don't see the point in existing like this.

Why can't you socialise or pursue any interests?

OP, I’ve felt like this many times. Sometimes I can find small pleasures in things, but often wonder what it’s all for. My grandmother used to say that despite everything, life was sweet. I often disagree and find it a pointless struggle. I find that sticking to a routine helps me, as I feel aimless and lethargic when I don’t. I also have a few good friends - don’t really confide in them, as I don’t want to bring them down, but it helps knowing they’re around. Like you, I’m not suicidal, but struggle to find meaning, although I would consider myself a spiritual person. YANBU, it seems many feel the same and it isn’t something you can shake yourself out of. Some feel that it stems from childhood emotional neglect. I don’t know if other posters have that in common? Good wishes, OP x

No I'm literally frightened to death of dying before I've done stuff I need or want to do. Too many places to see, books to read, want to see DD grow up. My dad passed last year and sometimes I think he felt like you though

As someone who is terrified of dying (usually) having this feeling last year was the warning light going off that I was seriously depressed, and had been for a while. I got myself referred to a local mental health provider who I did CBT over the phone with and anti depressants. Truth be told I wish I had taken the plunge and gone on them years ago but never felt like I "deserved them". It was the day I was putting the Christmas tree up. A day I usually look forward to for weeks but that day I remember the Christmas songs on, wearing a Christmas hat, hanging baubles feeling dead inside and what was the point? To it? To anything? I went down hill pretty quick after that and I'm so glad I got help quickly when I did. It's not normal to feel this way, but you can change it xxx

@Chosennone

I feel the complete opposite. At 50 in very aware that I'm over half way through. I've been enjoying myself and time has flown! There is so much I still want to do and see and experience! I really want to stay healthy to ensure this can happen. Please check in with a GP. Life is a gift.

Said by someone, who has no concept of what it is like to exist rather than live. Seeing a GP isn’t going to help my chronic pain, chronic poor health and disability.

It’s actually rather tone deaf to come on a thread like this and tell women, some of whom are your age or younger that you’re having a ball and are can’t wait for new life experiences.

@Tallpaulwho

There are some really patronising responses on this thread. I'm sure posters mean well but it's a good example of how many people really do not understand how chronic illness and pain affects lives.

I feel similar OP my family keep me going whilst my health deteriorates. I can't just "go for a walk" well I can but it results in a big increase in pain and fatigue for the rest of the day, or several walks. When your life is so physically limited and painful it's hard to take joy in the simple things.

Anti depressants don't help as they do not change circumstances. We just keep going and hide the pain.

This in a nutshell. It’s shit isn’t it?

Yes I feel like this too, op. It's not great. I'm trying hard to see the bigger picture but it's a battle these days

Said by someone, who has no concept of what it is like to exist rather than live. Seeing a GP isn’t going to help my chronic pain, chronic poor health and disability

Yep. Seeing a GP isn't going to change the past- or my subsequent present- for me. It's not going to change the behaviour of the person who has ruined my life and refuses to change or stop. (and there is nothing I can do about it, I have tried)