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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner going to wedding on his own...

136 replies

Fizfiona · 24/08/2021 23:31

My partner's friend is getting married next week and my partner lied about the invitation claiming it was just him invited but I just found it in the drawer with both our names on.

I asked why did he lie about it, I did say to him at the time I found it strange to not invite a partner of 9 years and was he sure I wasn't invited too, when he let slip his mate and mates mrs was staying in the same hotel as him. He kept up the lie saying she was keeping numbers down.. then I said I knew he was lying. He said it was easier if he just went on his own. It's the evening part and he needs to stay in a hotel that night as it's a bit of a drive away.

I'm really hurt and thinking the worst. I feel like he didn't want to have to introduce me to his friends. I don't usually do 'glam' but I would have enjoyed dressing up and going. He even made me go shopping with him while he spent money on a new suit but now I feel that he didn't want me to go as he doesn't want to have to pay out of the family pot for a new dress for me as I don't have any dresses. None.

I would have enjoyed going. I could have gone with him, stayed in the hotel too. Everyone else is taking partners but he didn't want me there. Is this normal and I should just stop being sensitive?

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 24/08/2021 23:34

He's lied to you and he's excluding you. It's up to you if you think that's a person to stay with.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/08/2021 23:35

I'm thinking he has more in mind than not having to introduce you to his friends. You've been together for 9 years and have never met his friends?

GCAcademic · 24/08/2021 23:36

What an arsehole he is.

No, it is not normal, by a long way.

This would be relationship-ending for me.

QueenBee52 · 24/08/2021 23:37

9 years together and you've not met his friends 😳

I'd be moving out whilst he's away at this Wedding .. you know you deserve better than this selfish lying dick 🌸

hernamewas · 24/08/2021 23:38

Sorry this happened to you. If he's too ashamed to be seen with you then he shouldn't be sleeping next you. Get rid!

Blindering · 24/08/2021 23:39

YANBU, sounds bizarre. The fact that he so coolly lied to you too is massive red flags as if he lies about that what else does he lie about. It shows big disrespect.

I would want to know why he didn't invite you as nowhere in your op has he provided valid reason, how exactly can it be 'easier'? What age is he?
I'd be thinking he wanted to go alone to take drugs with old friends and go on a big bender but thought you'd be against it as so many weddings I have being to in recent years have being drug fests especially amongst young men in 20s/30s.

hernamewas · 24/08/2021 23:39

A few of my husbands guests did this at our wedding and we couldn't figure out why!! Actually... couple did flirt with a few of my cousins tho

TooBigForMyBoots · 24/08/2021 23:40

What a dick!Shock

Kite22 · 24/08/2021 23:43

I feel like he didn't want to have to introduce me to his friends.

.......er..... you've been his 'partner' for 9 years, and you've not met his friends ???

I don't have issues with people going to weddings without their other halves when that's what the invitation is for (for example a group of colleagues, or a group of team mates etc) but I would have a massive issue with the lie.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/08/2021 23:43

@hernamewas

A few of my husbands guests did this at our wedding and we couldn't figure out why!! Actually... couple did flirt with a few of my cousins tho
They want a free weekend to cheat, which is exactly what I think the op's partner is planning.
Coffeeonmytoffee · 24/08/2021 23:43

I'm appalled. This is unforgivable. Seriously you need to make it clear to him he cannot do this.

Whywhenwhat · 24/08/2021 23:44

Use the time he's at the wedding to kick his stuff out of the house. He has continually lied to you and you've not met his friends in 9 years. Get rid.

honeylulu · 24/08/2021 23:46

This is awful unforgivable behaviour (unless you're going to drip feed that you get drunk wherever you're out and offer free lap dances or something).

Yes it sounds like:

  1. He's ashamed to be seen with you.
  2. That he wants to have his options open to do stuff he couldn't with you there.
  3. That you will cramp his style (basically a combo of 2 and 3).

I'd be dumping his arse pronto. Please don't tell me you have kids ... You mention "family money".

Excelthetube · 24/08/2021 23:47

My god. You even have to ask.

timeisnotaline · 24/08/2021 23:48

I too think move out while he’s gone. 9 years and he hasn’t introduced you to his friends, he lies and he doesn’t share money? Why bother giving it another 9 minutes?
What are your circs? Married? Dc? Mortgage vs rent? If not married no dc and renting just pack and leave.

AdaColeman · 24/08/2021 23:48

I’d be wondering about his motives for wanting to go to that type of event without his long term partner. Does he often go to social events without you? What joint outings/occasions do you go to together?

He’s certainly selfish, and a liar. What other things has he lied about?
He doesn’t seem to respect or value you very much. Does he have any good points at all?

MurielSpriggs · 24/08/2021 23:49

I'm not really a fan of giving out life-changing advice across the internet based on limited information, but I just wanted to say that what he's done sounds really unkind and very hurtful. You deserve a virtual hug, and no his behaviour not normal, and no you're not being oversensitive.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/08/2021 23:51

I’d be wondering about his motives for wanting to go to that type of event without his long term partner.

Hmm, whatever could his motive be? 🙄

Anyone with 2 functioning brain cells knows the answer.

QueenBee52 · 24/08/2021 23:53

@Aquamarine1029

I’d be wondering about his motives for wanting to go to that type of event without his long term partner.

Hmm, whatever could his motive be? 🙄

Anyone with 2 functioning brain cells knows the answer.

🤣😂

Lulooo · 24/08/2021 23:53

Op, please listen on all the same voices that have already spoken and re-evaluate your relationship with this man. From the you write, it's clear this man makes you feel worthless. Not how a partner should make you feel at all. You deserve better.

Lulooo · 24/08/2021 23:54

*sane voices

therocinante · 24/08/2021 23:58

Nope, this isn't normal at all.

Did he explain why he thought it'd be better to go alone? It being a drive away and needing to spend time in a hotel is pretty normal stuff for a couple - unless there's some background info about you being unable to go away for the night for whatever reason or when you go to weddings you start smashing things up ot something...he literally has no excuse.

Things that aren't normal in the average long term relationship/to think about:

  • He potentially hasn't ever introduced you to his friends in almost a decade??? (Tbh I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt here and assume you mean old friends he hasn't seen in years or something and that's why you've not met some of them and that you actually do know most of them - otherwise this in itself is awful and I'd run away as fast as you can)

  • He hides something from you for unclear reasons and then when asked, lies first then won't give an explanation that makes sense

  • You assumed he doesn't want to spend shared money on something he's allowed to spend it on (this comment must have come from somewhere, so I'm guessing he has form for this or being tight when it comes to shared money generally)

  • He makes you feel bad about how you dress, possibly? You seem to focus on not being 'glam', not having dresses... is this your own insecurity (no judgement!) or have you picked up that he'd unhappy with how you dress? It sounds like a sore point.

Honestly, it all sounds very cruel. There are plenty of horrible explanations - doesn't want you to meet his friends, doesn't like how you dress, wants to cheat, just doesn't want to spend time with you - but there aren't any good ones I can think of, barring something huge you've not mentioned. But really the reasons are irrelevant- he concealed a seemingly innocuous thing that was supposed to involve you and then lied about it to your face. That's not a good guy and you deserve better.

Honeymare · 24/08/2021 23:59

I'm sorry OP I think he's interested in a female guest he's expecting to be there or he wants to go on a drugs bender. I don't think you should bother waiting to find out which.

PearlyBird · 25/08/2021 00:03

Oh you have to dunp him. Let him go to the wedding on his own. But dont stay with a man who'd prefer to be without you.

Is he ashamed of you?
Is he hoping to get lucky?
Even if the answer is no, he'd still rather you werent there! And he's lied to you to make sure you're not there.

It's really unambiguous

toocold54 · 25/08/2021 00:09

I wouldn’t be as upset if he said he wanted to go on his own as it’s a chance to meet up with his mates etc but the constant lying would really annoy me and I’d definitely see it as a red flag.