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Original poster

Partner going to wedding on his own...

136 replies

Fizfiona · 24/08/2021 23:31

My partner's friend is getting married next week and my partner lied about the invitation claiming it was just him invited but I just found it in the drawer with both our names on.

I asked why did he lie about it, I did say to him at the time I found it strange to not invite a partner of 9 years and was he sure I wasn't invited too, when he let slip his mate and mates mrs was staying in the same hotel as him. He kept up the lie saying she was keeping numbers down.. then I said I knew he was lying. He said it was easier if he just went on his own. It's the evening part and he needs to stay in a hotel that night as it's a bit of a drive away.

I'm really hurt and thinking the worst. I feel like he didn't want to have to introduce me to his friends. I don't usually do 'glam' but I would have enjoyed dressing up and going. He even made me go shopping with him while he spent money on a new suit but now I feel that he didn't want me to go as he doesn't want to have to pay out of the family pot for a new dress for me as I don't have any dresses. None.

I would have enjoyed going. I could have gone with him, stayed in the hotel too. Everyone else is taking partners but he didn't want me there. Is this normal and I should just stop being sensitive?

OP posts:
Journeynotdestination · 25/08/2021 08:05

I’d show up at the wedding, you are invited!

He’s a pig, btw.

armanted · 25/08/2021 08:08

I think that the OP's other thread is entirely consistent with this one, it just gives a more rounded view of her life. Her confidence is shot, she sounds pretty ground down.

MissUhuragotolder · 25/08/2021 08:11

He'd rather go without you to a wedding (where people celebrate love and is a couply event)

It's an overnight stay in a hotel (where people usually go together for romantic get seats) and claims he'd prefer to be alone in the hotel room?

It's a good enough friend for him to go to his wedding , but ones you (his partner) haven't met . You were invited with him but he lied and said you weren't so he could go alone

He lies to your face when asked and hides things

= He doesn't see your relationship as romantic, important nor thinks trust is worth the effort . He doesn't act like he values you

tenredthings · 25/08/2021 08:12

I wonder if he has some dark secret in his past that he's not told you about that he doesn't want to risk being revealed if you meet his old friends.

DancesWithTortoises · 25/08/2021 08:13

This is awful, OP.

While he's away move out. He doesn't love or respect you.

LannieDuck · 25/08/2021 08:15

No that's not normal.

Work out how much he's spent on this weekend away for himself (incl hotel, suit, transport), and allow yourself that much from the family pot while he's away. Buy yourself a new dress, or whatever else you feel like doing.

Then consider whether he truly sees you as an equal and someone he wants to spend time with... or not.

Whatinthelord · 25/08/2021 08:20

This is very suspicious. There is obviously something behind him lying and not inviting you.

There are several possibilities but at the end of the day whatever it is ain’t good.

beautifullymad · 25/08/2021 08:21

This behaviour really says it all. You are not worthy or cherished in his eyes.

Please take a good look at your relationship and find a person to really value you.

What a hideous man.

I'm sorry you've had to find this out but at least you know now. Don't waste another day with him. This is deeply saying exactly what he thinks of you.

Had this been in the first few months it might have been passable, but nearly a decade later, it says very negative things from every angle.

HelloDulling · 25/08/2021 08:22

OP, if your two threads are real/truthful, you are in a relationship with a man who neither likes nor respects you. You need to get a job, and split the cost of childcare between you. Then you’ll have your own money, and can decide how you want to live your life.

DGFB · 25/08/2021 08:28

It’s unforgivable, you deserve so much better then him

Window1 · 25/08/2021 08:31

Are you coming back to this thread OP?

How does your relationship operate outside of this issue? What does he bring to the relationship? How do you date and keep your intimacy going? When do you get a break from the children?

He's tight, didn't want to pay for you to have an evening out, a bit of fun. What makes him the boss of these decisions, why couldn't he discuss it with you?

He's an arse, you should get rid.

TheWeatherWitch · 25/08/2021 08:33

You found the invitation, so now you know he’s lying to you.

Ask yourself what else will he lie about ?

I’d not be able to believe him when he comes home and tells you he missed you, or he slept alone! Without trust there is no relationship.

This would be a deal breaker for me. Once you know he’s a proven liar, there’s no coming back from that.

bigbaggyeyes · 25/08/2021 08:36

I think regardless if it's a wedding, a works do or about something completely different, he's lied to you. It's a fairly big lie that's he's kept going until you've proved, without doubt, that you know he's lying. This would be a potential deal breaker for me.

FreyaonFire · 25/08/2021 08:36

Oh I'm sorry OP. He lied to you, you found out, and he still can't give a reasonable explanation for his lie. @therocinante lays it out very well. Wishing you luck ahead. x

Pyewackect · 25/08/2021 08:39

Perhaps he's trying to tell you something ?.

Pyewackect · 25/08/2021 08:45

Hekatestorch

*Just to note. Op has another thread where she describes his friends as lovely and is saying she doesn't want to go to a party because of how she looks and that they have no money for her to get some decent clothes. But that he wants her to go.

She didn't come back to that one either, so I am not sure we are getting the full picture.*

Sorry, only just read this bit. I agree, something smelly in the woodshed here!.

Billlius · 25/08/2021 08:51

Will his ex wife be there?

Billlius · 25/08/2021 08:52

Because this is a story arc on The Archers at the moment.

Lunificent · 25/08/2021 08:55

Dump him while he’s at the wedding,

Livelovebehappy · 25/08/2021 09:00

What an arsehole! And the fact you’re coming on here having to check whether this is unreasonable, shows what a good job he has been doing grinding down your self worth. I’m assuming there is a lot of history of him doing similar stuff, and him making you feel what he’s doing is okay. Be strong OP. Dump him and find someone who deserves you. He doesn’t.

larkstar · 25/08/2021 09:21

He's clearly up to something - I think there's enough grounds to be suspicious and enough justification to dig around - if he's keeping this from you what else is he keeping from you? He's no genius in hiding things from you and lying to you - shouldn't be too hard to find out if there is a bigger story you don;t know about. Plus - you were invited so nothing stopping you from turning up unexpectedly is there?

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 25/08/2021 10:41

Blimey OP we all respect you more than he does...he is vile.cruel and decietful. How could you ever trust him?

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 25/08/2021 10:43

I would blow every single penny I had on going to that wedding looking fabulous.hair done.nails done,make up done new outfit and walk in to surprise him... then you would know where you stood if you were in any doubt.

iheartredsquirrels · 25/08/2021 10:46

A few questions to answer might help op.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 25/08/2021 10:52

People only lie because they don’t want you to know the truth. It’s that simple. He is up to no good. He is disrespectful. Sack him off. You get 1 life - don’t waste it on that arsehole

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