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Original poster

Partner going to wedding on his own...

136 replies

Fizfiona · 24/08/2021 23:31

My partner's friend is getting married next week and my partner lied about the invitation claiming it was just him invited but I just found it in the drawer with both our names on.

I asked why did he lie about it, I did say to him at the time I found it strange to not invite a partner of 9 years and was he sure I wasn't invited too, when he let slip his mate and mates mrs was staying in the same hotel as him. He kept up the lie saying she was keeping numbers down.. then I said I knew he was lying. He said it was easier if he just went on his own. It's the evening part and he needs to stay in a hotel that night as it's a bit of a drive away.

I'm really hurt and thinking the worst. I feel like he didn't want to have to introduce me to his friends. I don't usually do 'glam' but I would have enjoyed dressing up and going. He even made me go shopping with him while he spent money on a new suit but now I feel that he didn't want me to go as he doesn't want to have to pay out of the family pot for a new dress for me as I don't have any dresses. None.

I would have enjoyed going. I could have gone with him, stayed in the hotel too. Everyone else is taking partners but he didn't want me there. Is this normal and I should just stop being sensitive?

OP posts:
WeDidntMeanToGoToSea · 25/08/2021 06:35

Looking at both this thread and the other one (which I don't think is entirely inconsistent), the phrase 'better alone than badly accompanied' comes to mind.

gofg · 25/08/2021 06:38

He's a dick. I would be seriously considering my future with someone like that - and unless he has some extremely redeeming features would be calling it quits.

ChickpeaCrunch · 25/08/2021 06:52

The lying suggests to me he really didn't want you to go and I can only assume it's because he knows someone will be there that he is hoping to pull.

ThinWomansBrain · 25/08/2021 06:54

introduce you to his friends
If you've been together nine years, it sounds a bit strange that you haven't met them already Hmm

KarmaStar · 25/08/2021 06:55

For goodness sake op you need to get rid of him.
He's either taking someone else or hoping to get drunk and hope to get off with someone.
Or he just doesn't respect of love you enough to see how hurtful he is being.
Please leave him.💐

Jemand · 25/08/2021 07:06

Have you asked him his rationale for saying it's easier if you don't go?

If he has no sensible replies, it might be worth considering using that weekend to start your own new life without him.

sbhydrogen · 25/08/2021 07:15

I'm going to bet that he just wants to have fun with his mates and maybe doesn't want to feel as if he's "looking after" you all day. I love my DH but sometimes I just want to hang out with my friends with no feelings of being responsible for his happiness. I'd rather he was at home.

What are you like any this kind of event? Are you the kind of person who's fun to be around and can handle themselves or do you need to have your hand held throughout?

Somuddled · 25/08/2021 07:19

@sbhydrogen

I'm going to bet that he just wants to have fun with his mates and maybe doesn't want to feel as if he's "looking after" you all day. I love my DH but sometimes I just want to hang out with my friends with no feelings of being responsible for his happiness. I'd rather he was at home.

What are you like any this kind of event? Are you the kind of person who's fun to be around and can handle themselves or do you need to have your hand held throughout?

So you would like to your husband about that? Surely you would explain that you fancy some alone time with your friends. It's the lying that makes it suspicious.
Letthelightoflove · 25/08/2021 07:20

Not reasonable, not normal and not ok.

OP can you post more about what your relationship is like?

Somuddled · 25/08/2021 07:20

OP my initial thought was that an ex of his will be there and he either wants to try his luck or doesn't but is embarrassed of you. Both are awful. Are they a group of friends who predate you?

Positivelyrandom · 25/08/2021 07:25

I’m so sorry. I really don’t think you should be with this man. He’s either embarrassed by you or by his mates, or he’s aiming to get lucky. Either way, he doesn’t sound like someone you’d like to be with longer term.

SmokeyDevil · 25/08/2021 07:29

@hernamewas

A few of my husbands guests did this at our wedding and we couldn't figure out why!! Actually... couple did flirt with a few of my cousins tho
Probably what ops partner is planning. Scoping out potential partners. I wonder if one of his friendship group is female and single..
Kinsters · 25/08/2021 07:32

That is horrible behaviour from him. Fair enough if he wanted to go alone and relive his "glory days". Doesn't say much good about him as a person imo but it's kind of understandable. The lying is unforgivable though.

Pipsquiggle · 25/08/2021 07:33

He sounds awful OP. Definitely not normal and he has given you no real explanation for this bull shit. You have been going out for nearly a decade and this is how he treats you - what a twat

onelittlefrog · 25/08/2021 07:34

I have never met a man who refers to their partner/wife as "their mrs" who sees women as equals.

He sounds awful and controlling.

Whydidimarryhim · 25/08/2021 07:40

OP you appear to be stuck in the problem and need to focus on a solution.
You’ve asked for input - are you going to come back and respond or just post another thread in a few weeks with the next issue.
He treats you badly and you have low self esteem which is that can be addressed re counselling. You may get some free on the NHS by seeing your GP or your local MIND may offer some. There maybe other free resources in the community you can seek.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 25/08/2021 07:46

I'm going to bet that he just wants to have fun with his mates and maybe doesn't want to feel as if he's "looking after" you all day. I love my DH but sometimes I just want to hang out with my friends with no feelings of being responsible for his happiness.

But surely, you'd be honest with your DH in those circumstances? You wouldn't pretend he hadn't been invited to something, you'd say that although he was invited, you wanted to go by yourself?

I think the fact the OP's partner has lied tends to suggest he is, at the very least, intending to spend the weekend acting as though he is single.

PluggingAway · 25/08/2021 07:47

Not normal at all.

He might want to be free and single for the night.

Bananalanacake · 25/08/2021 07:49

Do you have DC together, if not it's easier to leave him.

Nowstrong · 25/08/2021 07:52

@QueenBee52

9 years together and you've not met his friends 😳

I'd be moving out whilst he's away at this Wedding .. you know you deserve better than this selfish lying dick 🌸

This....
Reiningitin · 25/08/2021 07:54

I bet he's taking someone else to that wedding.

notacooldad · 25/08/2021 07:59

I'm absolutely disgusted with him. Non of this is normal.
I met Dh's mates within the first couple of months. Every invite has included me and Dh always compliments.ents me in my new dress and hair style for the wedding and we always have a laugh and fun together.
Your DP is an utter asshole and not respectful towards you.

UserStillatLarge · 25/08/2021 08:00

The "easier" might be because it's a group of friends and their partners and OP is the only "stranger".

It might be because OP is socially awkward and the DP knows she'll expect him to stay with her all night whereas he's more of a mingler.

Or because they don't have the budget for 2 new outfits and he didn't want to highlight this.

Or because there are obligations at home (children, elderly relatives, pets) and it will be a pain to sort someone else to fulfill them.

And yes, it would have been more sensible to discuss these upfront with OP - but I can sort of see why DP decided he couldn't be bothered.

None of these involve cheating.

Orgasmagorical · 25/08/2021 08:03

Another poster mentioned another thread so I had a look, this stuck out-
it's how my partner has made me feel about myself and now he's lying that you weren't invited to the wedding when you were. Yet more behaviour having you second guessing and doubting yourself. What's he like with you in general?

girlmom21 · 25/08/2021 08:04

@notacooldad

I'm absolutely disgusted with him. Non of this is normal. I met Dh's mates within the first couple of months. Every invite has included me and Dh always compliments.ents me in my new dress and hair style for the wedding and we always have a laugh and fun together. Your DP is an utter asshole and not respectful towards you.
Well you didn't meet any new friends he made after that time in the first few months though, did you?

For all we know he started a new job 6 months ago, has been invited to a colleagues wedding (who he considers a friend) and most of the colleagues have said they're not taking spouses.