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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:
Original poster
Purplewishes · 26/08/2021 22:08

@ochonAgusOchonOh I agree, it is a bit mean. But I am just so done with voldepup that I can't help but want to be a bitch about it.
DH could have said no and taken it up with ex and they could have fought to the death over it but he's agreed to ferry DSD back and forth while grumbling it would be easier if we had the dog. Which pissed me off. So yeah I'm going to go with being mean.

OP posts:
messybun101 · 26/08/2021 22:09

I'm just waiting on MiL being roped back in. This time by DH when he can't juggle everything and the guilt trip on op doesn't work

Original poster
Purplewishes · 26/08/2021 22:11

@messybun101 calling this too. 100% expecting DH will go crying to his mummy to help with voldepup 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
rookiemere · 26/08/2021 22:16

Well I have to say from just about everyone's point of view, having dog at MILs at this point in the matter, seems like the kindest thing for the poor animal. Even if she just keeps it in the garden most of the time, it will be around humans rather than being on its own and would be much easier for DSD to walk and DH not to ferry around.

The DH did not want or make this situation either - agreed he shouldn't ask OP to do anything- but he also has his DD to consider in this.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 26/08/2021 22:16

[quote Purplewishes]@ochonAgusOchonOh I agree, it is a bit mean. But I am just so done with voldepup that I can't help but want to be a bitch about it.
DH could have said no and taken it up with ex and they could have fought to the death over it but he's agreed to ferry DSD back and forth while grumbling it would be easier if we had the dog. Which pissed me off. So yeah I'm going to go with being mean.[/quote]
Ok. I'd missed the bit about him grumbling it would be easier to bring the dog home.

Feed the toddler vast quantities of sugar before he takes them out and maybe suggest some fun activities he could ask Daddy to do, like collecting different types of animal poo.

diddl · 26/08/2021 22:20

He probably will ask his mum to help.

I think anyone would if it would mean less driving to the dog!

But realistically, faced with this-what else was he going to do but facilitate his daughter in being able to walk the dog?

Can you even book a dog that isn't yours into kennels-is it even up to date with vaccinations & able to be kenneled?

That's not to say that I agree with what has happened of course.

messybun101 · 26/08/2021 22:20

I know. You were worried about DSD showin up at the door with Voldepup. It should be MiL worried her son shows up with it instead. That'll really throw a curveball in the mix. Obv crying because he's been up since 5:30 and, he'll have dsd, twins and toddler too
And there you'll be, sitting happy in the nail shop enjoying your Saturday (or lying on your floor Grin)

QueenBee52 · 26/08/2021 22:36

Proud if you OP 🤣

SchadenfreudePersonified · 26/08/2021 23:17

@Monestera

The problem is, it’s not just picking the dog up and walking it, there’s the wee and poo to clean up. The house is going to stink.

Plus, leaving a dog on its own all weekend is highly unethical in my opinion.

I was thinking that - and if I were the neighbour, there's NO WAY I would be cleaning up someone else's dog's sh*t!

Piddle will get into the carpet and reek.

I would tell DSD not to clean it up either. Leave it for that cow of an ex to do when she gets back.

That dog will be terrified. It's used to company, and now it's going to be in a silent house all on its own, night after night. If the dog is shut in the kitchen on a hard surface (for hygiene), it is also going to be desperately uncomfortable and particularly unhappy when it is used to the comfort of the house.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 26/08/2021 23:20

Genuinely feel like it's too late to back down and just tell them to bring the dog here

If you change your mind and do let the dog stay with you, make sure you collect it's sh*t and leave it in ex's house. And if necessary, pee on the carpets urself Grin.

Swear DSD to total secrecy . . .

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/08/2021 23:26

She sounds like a rubbish and irresponsible dog owner for Voldepup. And she's been a right dementor in all senses today.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 26/08/2021 23:27

Also tell SD that making these plans are unacceptable, she’s 13 and should know better.

No! She's a child under pressure from an unreasonable parent. It's not her fault.

messybun101 · 26/08/2021 23:40

I'm so sorry to add to your to-do list tomorrow op but we're probably going to need a new thread at some point. There's no way this ends here
Gin

SarahBop · 26/08/2021 23:51

I can't believe the ex has just gone over your heads and manipulated/guilted a 13yo into taking on the responsibility!! Different if she lived walking distance and the DSD had agreed to get herself there and back, but to infringe on your routines (plus guel costs) without even checking DH was okay to run DSD back and forth... What a fucking cheek!!! I can't believe the nerve of this woman and poor DSD must feel so much in the middle Sad

SarahBop · 26/08/2021 23:52

**fuel, clearly

Icanflyhigh · 26/08/2021 23:57

Well I just read the whole lot and I need to know how this weekend pans out.
I'm a dog lover, but this is definitely CF territory.

Hertsgirl10 · 27/08/2021 00:05

@SchadenfreudePersonified

Also tell SD that making these plans are unacceptable, she’s 13 and should know better.

No! She's a child under pressure from an unreasonable parent. It's not her fault.

Hmmm @SchadenfreudePersonified I feel like the kid has been trying to butter OP up for a while by suddenly mentioning the dog all the time recently. I don’t know but sounds kinda like a joint effort really and she’s definitely old enough to know that no means no, and that her Dad/step mum will be the ones being put out by all the driving around and dog walking. Unless the ex is that manipulative which is very worrying that it could be rubbing off on the girl already.
Mamanyt · 27/08/2021 01:02

And for GOD'S SAKE, stick to your guns! There will be tears and recriminations, but if she gets her foot in this door, it will be the least of what she tries to manipulate you into!

Jux · 27/08/2021 01:18

Do stick to your guns and don't have the dog. I'm sure that even dh will manage to work out that he could take the dog to football and kill two birds with one stone. Could you sort of mention it casually in passing to dsd? Wonder aloud if dogs are allowed at the football?

I think you do need to have a strong word with ex when this is over about using dsd like that. It's not on; she really shouldn't be doing that.

milkyaqua · 27/08/2021 02:57

Take the dog to a kennel, or a vets, for boarding. This is animal cruelty otherwise.

Refusing to roll over for a CF is one thing, this is a whole other level. I can only assume no-one in your family including DH has ever had a dog, or you would not imagine this is okay to leave the dog on its own for three or four days or more, with only walks provided by way of company.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/08/2021 03:01

Well the ex is going to have a lovely mess to clean up whenever she gets home, hey.
Or is she expecting DSD to do it?

I agree your MIL is going to get roped in over the weekend - but since she originally agreed to do that in the first place, it probably won't be the end of the world.

At least this way DSD gets to understand fully the responsibility that goes with owning a dog - you don't get to just expect others will look after it for you!

The ex is a real piece of work though. Even if you were ok with dogs, as I said in my previous post, you have 3 tiny kids - you don't mix them with an unknown dog out of its comfort zone!

EccentricaGalumbits · 27/08/2021 04:07

I hope it shits on her bed.

Justilou1 · 27/08/2021 04:38

I think DSD is definitely old enough to have an honest chat about the position your household has been put in because her mother assumed that you would be okay with looking after the dog, and that even without your dog aversion, and without your little ones, it is unacceptable and completely disrespectful for ANYONE make decisions on behalf of anyone else - (ESPECIALLY AN ADULT WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THREE/FOUR KIDS) Her mother was irresponsible for choosing to go away without making appropriate plans for her dog. She was selfish and inconvenienced your family and MIL. She manipulated DSD and has caused a lot of resentment.

Congressdingo · 27/08/2021 06:29

@SamiReed1

So you've let the CF mum win. You should have taken the dog to a Kennel and made her pay.
Firstly kennels require up to date vaccine records, then they want paying up front. And it's a bank holiday weekend, I bet there's no space anyway.
ViewFromHalfway · 27/08/2021 06:53

Wow, the cheeky-fuckery at play here is almost impressive!!

She PLANNED to guilt-trip someone who has twin babies and a toddler into looking after her dog that she clearly neglects and doesn't give a shit about.

I know you've said you normally like her, OP, but she sounds like a nasty, selfish, entitled cunt. Seriously fucking awful human being.