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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:
maddening · 24/08/2021 20:52

Her father can ferry back and forth for the dog? Why is it down to you?

godmum56 · 24/08/2021 20:52

yanbu and I AM a dog person. She obvs has no thought for the dog and its pretty cruel to DSD too.

Original poster
Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:54

@JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue first of all, I just sang your user name

DH said initially it was totally up to me. Then when we found out she was always planning sending dog here he said no chance and she was trying to pull a fast one.

As for the organisation thing, DH couldn't organise a piss up in a pub so it makes life easier for me and DSD mum to make plans and then I fill in DH later. It's always worked well this way and me and DSD mum have always got on really well. This will probably end that lol

She doesn't know that DSD has let it slip she was always planning sending dog here and that she's lied about dog care falling through.

Should I just say no and leave it at that or challenge her on the lying?

OP posts:
Hiphopboppertybop99 · 24/08/2021 20:55

Absolute CF... Please stand your ground OP. Perhaps send her some links to local dog kennels. As a PP said just watch that DSD doesn't turn up with her this weekend !!

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 24/08/2021 20:56

Given your relationship with DSD mum I would tell her you don't appreciate being lied to.

JustLyra · 24/08/2021 20:58

I wouldn't challenge her on lying as it will end up with your DSD getting grief, and probably going forward will make things awkward if her Mum starts getting on at her not to say things. Plus 100% her Mum will say DSD got it wrong.

Just say no and stick with that.

Whatinthelord · 24/08/2021 21:00

I personally wouldn’t mention the lie…just because I’d worry about your dsd getting caught in the middle for letting slip. Also it’d be opening up possibility of back and forth with her possibly denying etc.

Just say no, she’ll have to find other arrangements.

ChickpeaCrunch · 24/08/2021 21:01

I'd be so tempted to message her mum and say you think DSD has got confused as she thought the plan was for dog to stay with you all along but you know she'd never try that..hehe..

AlternativePerspective · 24/08/2021 21:01

“Well, I’m sorry you’re going to have to cancel your weekend away. Obviously you can’t leave the dog at home alone and he’s not coming here so guess you’ll have to cancel.”

And then I would arrange for you or DH to collect DSD just to be sure that she doesn’t bring the dog.

ChickpeaCrunch · 24/08/2021 21:02

But yeah @Whatinthelord has it right, I don't think you can really challenge mum with out it affecting what DSD tells you in future.

toocold54 · 24/08/2021 21:02

I think it’s odd your DH isn’t sorting this all our seeing as it’s his ex.

I’d get him to decide and if he wants to look after the dog then he’d need to take time off or go and stay theirs for the weekend.

billy1966 · 24/08/2021 21:03

Great that you know the truth.

Knowledge is power.

She is some cow to impose on you when you must be literally up to your tits! with all you are juggling.

Selfish cow.

I would say I really do not appreciate be lied to and absolutely NOT under ANY circumstances.

As if you don't have enough going on.

Original poster
Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 21:05

I hadn't even thought about if I questioned the lie the position it would put DSD in.

I've just replied saying that there's no way we can have the dog and I'm too busy to walk the dog so I hope she can find something as I know she's been looking forward to the weekend and it would be a shame if she couldn't go.

Luckily DSD is coming to us from school so unless she smuggles dog to school in her school bag she won't appear with the dog

OP posts:
MotherofTerriers · 24/08/2021 21:05

I wouldn't challenge her on the lying as this would drop DSD in it, and you want her to feel able to tell you things
I'd give her a breezy call, saying absolutely no way, and you're sure she can find a local boarding kennel in time for her break. Or if not cancel it and book a more reliable pet sitter next time

ChickpeaCrunch · 24/08/2021 21:05

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves. only just got this bit. What a CF. The dog is absolutely nothing to do with your family. WTF. She's bonkers.

ChickpeaCrunch · 24/08/2021 21:05

Great response OP

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/08/2021 21:07

Crikey how on Earth would she think you have time to fit a dog into your life even for a few days? At a pinch in an emergency perhaps. But this? You get on well, I would challenge her on the lie and be honest that you’ve far too much on your plate. Perhaps approach it as what we’re you thinking a. She obviously has no imagination if she can’t understand you have zero time to yourself with 3 under 3, including twin babies and your dsd for a few nights as well.

Original poster
Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 21:12

@toocold54 tbh there is a lot of bad blood between DH and his ex. Things only really became amicable when I started acting as mediator. Before that there was a lot of tit for tat and arguing from both sides which obv not great for DSD. (And to be fair I generally do like DSD mum as a whole)

I did suggest he take time off and could walk the dog if he felt that strongly about it but he's got my back in this one.

OP posts:
Noshowlomo · 24/08/2021 21:12

What a cheek

Sonarl · 24/08/2021 21:13

I am not a dog person,also due to a traumatic experience as a child, I really don't like them near me at all and I could never pick one up or put it in a car or whatever. If someone tried to dump their dog with me I would tell them they were being negligent owners as I literally wouldn't know what to do with a dog. It.would be really unfair.on the poor dog. Stay firm OP, she's being such a CF.

Lindjam · 24/08/2021 21:18

Wot a fucking liberty!!!!

Standrewsschool · 24/08/2021 21:21

Bit cheeky to ask you when you’re on maternity leave. Having one baby is hard enough,let alone young twins plus a toddler.

I’ve just looked after a friends dog who was not yappy and is housetrained. I only have a dh and an older teen. I wouldn’t consider looking after the dog.

Eralos · 24/08/2021 21:23

Wow no way!!

HollowTalk · 24/08/2021 21:24

As if you hadn't got enough to do. And who would want their dog looked after by someone who dislikes them? And even worse, who would not train their dog and then expect someone else to put up with it?

pictish · 24/08/2021 21:25

Your reply was spot on. Polite but firm. She can’t say very much to that.