Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF. DSD, DSDs mum and dog

982 replies

Purplewishes · 24/08/2021 20:31

Currently on mat leave with twins, also have a toddler and DSD13 who stays between 2-4 nights a week depending on what she wants to do.

Have a great relationship with DSD and been in her life since she was 4 and usually have a good relationship with her mum.

DSD has a dog at her mum's, it's a small dog, unsure of the breed, it's yappy and it's not house trained and still pees and shits in the house. (DSD tells me this) I am not a great lover of dogs (traumatic experience when I was younger so please don't let the dog lovers hate me) anyway DSD has been talking a lot recently about her dog and she should bring it to meet the twins (?) Obv met with a laugh and "no chance"

I got a message from her mum a few days ago "Hiya, just a random question, are you a dog person?" To which I replied no. She then messaged back and said "oh well if you want to take the dog this weekend for us then I'm sure you will become one" She has a weekend away with her partner that has been booked for ages (which we obv knew about for childcare for DSD) I messaged her back joking and said no way. A few messages back and forth and she explained that her dog care had fallen through at the last min and she's really stuck.
She said that she either will need to cancel the weekend or that me and DSD would need to travel back and forward to her house twice a day to walk the dog so that would be two half hour round trips. I said no that I would be busy and she Jokingly said it would give me something to do while on mat leave

Also to note DSD will be in school on the Thurs and friday so her mum would be expecting me, the toddler and the twins to all take the journey to walk the dog ourselves.

Spoke to DSD who has been begging me to allow the dog to come and I was starting to feel a bit guilty and was starting to consider it UNTIL she let the cat out of the bag and said her mum had never booked dog care in the first place and had told DSD the dog would always be coming with her to our house.

AIBU to just sit and laugh knowing there's not a fuckin chance in the world I'm doing it now

OP posts:
diddl · 26/08/2021 20:00

Perhaps MIL might have the dog at her house one of the days so it has some company & it's not so far for SD & husband to go to walk it?

Absolutely no reason why she should of course though.

BedknobsNoBroomsticks · 26/08/2021 20:03

Knew she would pull a stunt like this.

There was no way she was cancelling her weekend away. Stick to your guns OP.

frazzledasarock · 26/08/2021 20:04

Actually I think it is a very good idea leaving your DH with all the DC and the ferrying around and dog walking supervision.

Because it give him a direct taste of what is being expected of you.

I strongly suspect when your DH is dealing with all DC plus shitting dog he might see you’re not being in the least bit unreasonable and stop trying to convince you to share the dog walking chore.

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 26/08/2021 20:05

Has your DH not messaged his ex to find out what the hell is going on? He should be telling her he doesn't have time to ferry his DD back and forth (- thought he was working that's why she was putting on you OP?) She should be told its not up to her to make plans FOR DSD when she is in your care. I'd also be saying she needs to make her way home pronto.

DollyPartBaked · 26/08/2021 20:08

Fuck me this has been one hell of a ride. Brilliant thread! Poor dog though.

Fluffycloudland77 · 26/08/2021 20:08

I’m a cat owner, you book the cattery before you book the holiday you don’t just chance it and expect free pet care.

billy1966 · 26/08/2021 20:12

I feel very sorry for your step daughter.

9 years of better relations thrown away through the meanness and selfishness of her mother.

Utter dregs OP.

I 100% agree with you leaving this to your husband to sort out.

But I woul keep my distance from her going forward.

Cameleongirl · 26/08/2021 20:17

What a shitshow, why on earth didn't she just arrange proper care (kennels or a local dog walker) for HER pet? I can't understand people who get dogs and then aren't prepared to pay for care when they go away. We've just been away for five days and guess what, our dog was staying with our lovely dogsitters as he has many times before. He loves them to bits, it's like his own holiday! We occasionally help out with friends' dogs and vice versa, but we never expect it.

LammasFires · 26/08/2021 20:17

@Monestera

The problem is, it’s not just picking the dog up and walking it, there’s the wee and poo to clean up. The house is going to stink.

Plus, leaving a dog on its own all weekend is highly unethical in my opinion.

Why should she clean someone else’s house? And of course the dog won’t be bored, open all the internal doors, scatter some treats around...he’s got an entire house to destroy.
esloquehay · 26/08/2021 20:19

OP, I salute you. Your replies have been worthy of a literary prize.
DSD's Mum sounds like a feckless twat who doesn't give a shit about anyone, let alone her DD or the yappy prick, as long as she gets her weekend shagathon with her partner.

Widown · 26/08/2021 20:21

Lol

Coffeepot72 · 26/08/2021 20:21

I’m a cat owner, you book the cattery before you book the holiday you don’t just chance it and expect free pet care.

Too right, we don’t go anywhere unless our cat is tucked up safely in cattery

Hertsgirl10 · 26/08/2021 20:22

@Pleaseaddcaffine

Honestly message saying this wasn't discussed with us and won't be happening. Collect dog by 12 or are age alt3nrtive care. Then call to rspca. Or arrange a kennel and deduct from maintenance. Riddiculous also poor poor dog what a crap owner! Have a big wine tonight too op
I would do this minus the RSPCA cos they’re over run and have enough to deal with.

She ex has really one upped OP and got her own way, she’s been sly and manipulative about the whole thing and there’s not a chance I would be letting my DP run around or SD either, under my care.

I would let the neighbours know that no one would be tending to the dog and it’s up to them to take it up with the absolute Cheeky C!!

Also tell SD that making these plans are unacceptable, she’s 13 and should know better.

TurquoiseDragon · 26/08/2021 20:22

@frazzledasarock

Actually I think it is a very good idea leaving your DH with all the DC and the ferrying around and dog walking supervision.

Because it give him a direct taste of what is being expected of you.

I strongly suspect when your DH is dealing with all DC plus shitting dog he might see you’re not being in the least bit unreasonable and stop trying to convince you to share the dog walking chore.

This.

DH needs to understand the reality.

JacquelineCarlyle · 26/08/2021 20:31

Well done on standing your ground Op! Don't give in as if you do, this will set the precedent for all her future weekends away and holidays!

ElspethFlashman · 26/08/2021 20:35

In fairness, this isn't the DHs fault any more than its OPs fault. Its not his dog either. He doesn't even know the dog.

It's actually not his responsibility either to help the ex out with the dog walking arrangements.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 26/08/2021 20:36

Our kennel fees next month are £560!!
Shock
Unless you live nearby op...
Grin
???

diddl · 26/08/2021 20:37

That's the problem with the 13yr old doing the walks-she's reliant on someone else to get her there.

cookingisoverrated · 26/08/2021 20:38

I think you need to make it extremely clear NOW that the dog is not to come to your house. Even if your DH doesn't want to do the heavy lifting he's agreed to, like an idiot. And if the dog were to set foot in the house, you will be out the door leaving him with the twins, the toddler and the weeing/pooing/unhousetrained nightmare that is the dog to deal with by himself. Because you said no, as was your right.

You said no. He's an idiot to have gone along with this.

cookingisoverrated · 26/08/2021 20:40

@Cameleongirl

What a shitshow, why on earth didn't she just arrange proper care (kennels or a local dog walker) for HER pet? I can't understand people who get dogs and then aren't prepared to pay for care when they go away. We've just been away for five days and guess what, our dog was staying with our lovely dogsitters as he has many times before. He loves them to bits, it's like his own holiday! We occasionally help out with friends' dogs and vice versa, but we never expect it.
Because she couldn't be arsed to stump up for it. And probably plan well enough in advance to get a place.

Plenty of local dogsitters, though. She should have paid for one.

Original poster
Purplewishes · 26/08/2021 20:41

@wakeywakey86 ahhh but if DH takes DSD and the toddler and twins on sat and Sunday then I will be ALONE so the ex may have actually just made my weekend.

Not one child in sight for at least an hour and a half. I will be able to lie on my living room floor, ignore all house work, stare at the ceiling and enjoy silence.

So ex might have fucked DH weekend but I will be making the most of it. May even have extra wine tomorrow to celebrate

OP posts:
ButteringMyArse · 26/08/2021 20:41

@ElspethFlashman

In fairness, this isn't the DHs fault any more than its OPs fault. Its not his dog either. He doesn't even know the dog.

It's actually not his responsibility either to help the ex out with the dog walking arrangements.

Yes and no. The situation having come about isn't his fault, but his response to it is. It isn't XW's fault that he thinks it's ok to try and persuade OP to help with the lifts over the weekend.
diddl · 26/08/2021 20:43

[quote Purplewishes]@wakeywakey86 ahhh but if DH takes DSD and the toddler and twins on sat and Sunday then I will be ALONE so the ex may have actually just made my weekend.

Not one child in sight for at least an hour and a half. I will be able to lie on my living room floor, ignore all house work, stare at the ceiling and enjoy silence.

So ex might have fucked DH weekend but I will be making the most of it. May even have extra wine tomorrow to celebrate[/quote]
Sounds like a plan!

UnGoogled · 26/08/2021 20:46

Oh god, what if he gets so fucked off with traipsing back and forth that he brings the dog over anyway? Book a hotel as backup, OP.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 26/08/2021 20:48

What's the betting your husband will arrive back with the dog on the grounds that "it's easier" than him doing 6 trips a day?