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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it normal for adult to nap every afternoon?

331 replies

Menomeany · 23/08/2021 19:33

First time poster here...please tell me AIBU.
DH takes himself off for a nap every afternoon...he works from home (but NOT self-employed) and has lots of what I call 'downtime', as opposed to my job which is flippin full on for every second I am there. Sometimes he'll nap for 30 mins, but can be up to 2 hours. If we go out for a day, he will nap in car on way home (he does not drive so I'm always the one doing the driving) On weekends activities are limited due to his need for a nap. Jobs that need doing don't get done. AIBU to feel this is such a waste of a life to sleep it away like this? He is not even 50 yet...what does the future hold?

OP posts:
bamboocat · 23/08/2021 21:41

My DH has a nap every afternoon if he can, but he is a bit older, and did have a heart procedure a few years ago. So he does get genuinely tired out.

Thomasina79 · 23/08/2021 21:42

For the last couple of years I have been waking up at 2, 3, 4 and being unable to get back to sleep. I maybe doze for an hour bit then have to get up at around 6.30 on a work day. Other days I go back to sleep for a hour or so. Because of this I often doze off in early afternoon (occasionally at my desk briefly). Doctors can do nothing, supplements occasionally help. I’m not saying this is true of your DH, but some people just can’t help it.!

It may be a referral to a sleep clinic might help? They are NHS funded. I would do anything for a full nights sleep!

Original poster
Menomeany · 23/08/2021 21:42

I'm so sorry.
My DH too is not overweight and previously completely fit and healthy until this last year. Now has high BP and cholesterol.

OP posts:
DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 23/08/2021 21:42

Unless there's something wrong with him, no it is not. Sounds a god excise for getting out of domestic drudge work thought

Kite22 · 23/08/2021 21:44

@Hekatestorch

Grin
thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 23/08/2021 21:45

@mistermagpie

I am surprised by the amount of people who 'can't function' without a daily nap, I don't think I've had a nap in my entire adult life (including three pregnancies)! I'm quite an 'on the go' person and I don't generally seek out downtime though, so maybe it's me that's the weirdo...

I do think it sounds like his health issues mean he isn't sleeping well at night and the constant napping would drive me absolutely bonkers OP, so I don't think you're being unreasonable. Can he get more medical help for the apnea?

Not just you, I've never felt the need to sleep during the day unless I'm really ill
CMOTDibbler · 23/08/2021 21:49

I hope he isn't driving with untreated OSA, it really is super serious. If you can afford it, then Resmed who make the CPAP devices have a private clinic in London where he could get on treatment straightaway. DH prefers to buy his own machines anyway (on CPAP for 15 years now, he has OSA no matter what he weighs and may have had it since he was a child) as he can select just what he wants

godmum56 · 23/08/2021 21:50

Hekatestorch Mon 23-Aug-21 21:16:28
Cam001
Only on MN have I ever come across adults who nap in the day unless they're elderly or ill. I don't know a soul like this in real life.
Its because we stick to out own kind.

We have secret meetings and everything Grin

do not mention the handshake

whatthedickens5 · 23/08/2021 21:51

Your poor husband. That was me two years ago :-( I would fall asleep in the car, bus, at my desk, in the loo and even in the park waiting for the school bus. It completely ruined my life. I would miss entire weekends and would nap every weekday and still go to bed at 9pm. It turned out I only got about 45 minutes of deep sleep a night and would stop breathing about 20 times an hour. Sleep apnoea is not fun and it can have serious health consequences (diabetes, heart failure, stroke, high blood pressure) but is easily treated. I now have a cpap machine which I will have indefinitely but it has given me my life back. Be kind and gentle and push for treatment.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 23/08/2021 21:52

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I’m amazed at the napping culture on here. I’ve never had time to nap!
I’m amazed at the Censorius culture !
BSideBaby · 23/08/2021 21:53

I nap every day after lunch if possible (not on days I'm working obviously) and I'm perfectly fit and healthy. Some people do, some don't, but I can't see why it's a problem? We're all different, surely?

Maybe DH doesn't sleep too well at night OP and needs a bit extra to recharge?

LittleRedPill · 23/08/2021 21:56

When I was a SAHM to babies/toddlers I napped daily when they did. It was the only way I could cope with the broken nights.

Back at work now so no daytime naps for me during the week anymore. Still love a nap on the rare occasions I get to do it though.

But your DH does sound like an extreme case. I don’t ever put off necessary jobs because I want to sleep in the day.

godmum56 · 23/08/2021 21:58

did you know that people didn't always sleep all night? www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16964783

Rhubarblin · 23/08/2021 21:59

I have a nap every afternoon when my 3yo naps, probably 1.5 hours on average, it is something I really look forward to!

Bagamoyo1 · 23/08/2021 21:59

I’m astounded at all the people who have naps. Don’t you have jobs?!

Obviously illness/old age aside - surely most functional adults with jobs, kids, responsibilities don’t have time to crash out for the afternoon like a hungover student?!

ohthatbloodycat · 23/08/2021 22:00

I love napping. It's just how I am.

firefly123 · 23/08/2021 22:01

Absolutely love a nap if I get the chance. If I could have one every day I would!!!!Smile

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 23/08/2021 22:01

@Bagamoyo1

I’m astounded at all the people who have naps. Don’t you have jobs?!

Obviously illness/old age aside - surely most functional adults with jobs, kids, responsibilities don’t have time to crash out for the afternoon like a hungover student?!

People can nap on their lunch break.
diamondpony80 · 23/08/2021 22:01

For me it wouldn’t be normal, I don’t usually feel tired during the day. However it depends on what I eat. If I go heavy on bread or pasta at lunch time I absolutely have to sleep afterwards. I wouldn’t even be able to keep my eyes open. So I have to be careful what I eat as I have a 6 year old and usually have to pick her up from school after lunch. I’m not sure what makes me so sleepy. Maybe just a carb thing? I’ve had people suggest a gluten intolerance, but it’s not something I’ve had checked out. If I don’t eat bread or pasta I’m absolutely fine all day. Anyone who has to nap during the day with extreme tiredness I always suggest they check what they’re eating, just in case.

bigbaggyeyes · 23/08/2021 22:01

Oh this is me. I work from home and will often have a nap. I'll often nap on a weekend too.

If things in the house need doing, or I'm busy at work i won't, but if the chance arrives I'll take it. I sleep fine at night too. Around 7/8 hours

Tumbleweed101 · 23/08/2021 22:02

Without reading everything... I get the feeling the issue for you is that you are picking up the lions share of daily 'jobs' - which makes anyone feel resentful of the other person if they seem to be having time out.

If the napping seems excessive then push for a check up to rule out any issues.

Make sure that you get him to do his share of the chores when he is awake so you aren't feeling resentful of the naps. Easier said than done though, I expect!

Recycledblonde · 23/08/2021 22:05

I like to have a nap if possible as do most of my colleagues, but we’re all 50 plus and work 12 hour shifts including nights so our sleep patterns are shit.

CrystalMaisie · 23/08/2021 22:05

My Dh had to chase the gp for two years to get referred for sleep apnoea. Finally did a sleep study last November (picked up the gear from hospital, it’s all linked to a central computer so they can see how he’s sleeping, took it back the next day). He got the diagnosis (really bad) and his own c pap mask/ machine very soon after that. It took a week or so to find the right mask but it’s made a massive difference to how he feels, and no longer naps in the day.
And best of all I can sleep in peace now too 😆

Bananaman123 · 23/08/2021 22:06

I nap everyday but I have underactive thyroid and anemic. If I don't then I feel awful and ill by 7pm. If I nap I am awake til midnight and sleep til 7.

thebeatingofthedrums · 23/08/2021 22:06

It's normal to nap all day if you're sleep deprived.

If you have 8 hours sleep, napping isn't normal. If you have 3 hours sleep, a nap is par for the course.

If you have 8 hours 'sleep' but only 2 hours of that is actual rest because your sleep apnea is not being treated properly, a nap is par for the course.

I get why you're irritated, but you're getting actual sleep when you sleep, and he's not - because he's not well. It may feel like he's unconscious for more hours than you, but he's not properly 'asleep' for all those hours. Push for treatment.