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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it normal for adult to nap every afternoon?

331 replies

Menomeany · 23/08/2021 19:33

First time poster here...please tell me AIBU.
DH takes himself off for a nap every afternoon...he works from home (but NOT self-employed) and has lots of what I call 'downtime', as opposed to my job which is flippin full on for every second I am there. Sometimes he'll nap for 30 mins, but can be up to 2 hours. If we go out for a day, he will nap in car on way home (he does not drive so I'm always the one doing the driving) On weekends activities are limited due to his need for a nap. Jobs that need doing don't get done. AIBU to feel this is such a waste of a life to sleep it away like this? He is not even 50 yet...what does the future hold?

OP posts:
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 23/08/2021 21:07

Is he taking anti-depressants?

This happened with me once (I was a postgraduate student at the time so not keeping normal working hours). I struggled to function on a daily basis without a 2-hour afternoon nap. It was awful.

I had no idea the drugs were responsible. Then went through a second bout of depression, was prescribed the same drug (Citalopram) and when the same thing started happening after about a week, I recognised the culprit. They then tried me on Sertraline, which was bad but not as bad.

I simply can't take that 'family' of drugs: they make me soporific.

If this pattern's unusual for your DH I thought it worth mentioning this. I haven't been afflicted in a similar way before or since taking these drugs, although I do know plenty of people who do so without a similar affect.

If it's not this, it's worth investigating some other underlying cause such as thyroid trouble. Doesn't sound normal to me.

Cam001 · 23/08/2021 21:11

Only on MN have I ever come across adults who nap in the day unless they're elderly or ill. I don't know a soul like this in real life.

HangingChads · 23/08/2021 21:13

Maybe if you were less busy it wouldn't bother you so much? Try having a nap then cracking open a beer yourself, you might love it Grin . I try to get at least a ten minute nap in most days, it just helps the rest of the day go smoothly!

HemanOrSheRa · 23/08/2021 21:15

Ah he must feel absolutely dreadful if he has sleep apnea Sad. But he's probably got used to not feeling well rested.

FWIW I do 'rest my eyes' every afternoon. Sometimes I do have a nanna nap Smile. But I only allow myself an hour and I set an alarm. I finish work at 2pm but I'm up most days by 6am. I also do one night a week on call (I start later the next day). So I have a rest between about 2 - 3ish every day and have done for years. It gives me a boost to get me through until late evening.

SquitMcJit · 23/08/2021 21:15

I’m giving up on this thread - it’s too annoying.

OP - I’m sorry you and your DP are having to deal with this.

It’s not unreasonable to be finding it hard to live with.

If you want advice from other people who know what’s it’s like then maybe start a new thread asking if anyone has experience of sleep apnoea and how to manage as a family while waiting for treatment?

Otherwise, you’ll just get people sharing their sleeping patterns (which isn’t relevant to your DP) and asking if he is depressed/lazy/ French/ on medication/an arse.

LouNatics · 23/08/2021 21:15

I assume I had naps when I was a baby and toddler but i haven’t had one since. Even when at the mercy of babies and toddlers and my amazing non sleeping DC who didn’t sleep through for several years. But when I met my DP he comes from a family of nappers. They all think nothing of settling around after dinner and all snoring away. They will sleep in public like at the pub, or park the car up in a lay-by for a sleep! It’s mad. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand it.

Peoniesandpeaches · 23/08/2021 21:15

In the meantime he could try a Mandibular advancement device. You can pick them up relatively cheaply and it’s a recognized treatment for both snoring and moderate sleep apnea. It basically pulls the lower jaw forward. It doesn’t work for everyone but is worth a shot.

Hekatestorch · 23/08/2021 21:16

@Cam001

Only on MN have I ever come across adults who nap in the day unless they're elderly or ill. I don't know a soul like this in real life.
Its because we stick to out own kind.

We have secret meetings and everything Grin

110APiccadilly · 23/08/2021 21:21

I'd say that's unusual. DH sometimes needs a nap. Unless we've had a particularly long day (or DD has had us up in the night) I know that this means he's struggling with his mental health. He has depression which is normally well managed by medication. If it's getting worse, one of the symptoms is tiredness. I am not saying this has to be what's going on here, but it's something worth thinking about.

Original poster
Menomeany · 23/08/2021 21:22

Thanks everyone for your comments. We will continue to chase some treatment for the apnoea. There are other lifestyle choices he makes that I believe are not helping also. Its been interesting to see how many people enjoy a nap in the day...wish I could embrace it too.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 23/08/2021 21:25

I love a good day nap! But sometimes it's too good so too long and then I wake up not knowing who, when and where am I😂

But absolutely chase treatment. However, even with the treatment successful, he may still nap. Like genuinely have eyes closing at certain times because it's quite a habit after a while

yikesanotherbooboo · 23/08/2021 21:28

DH naps after lunch if he can and has done for the 40 years that I have known him.I think it is a great habit. I've never managed it.

frumpety · 23/08/2021 21:29

I nap most days when not working or out for the day, 45 minutes in an afternoon. I do get up at 5.30 every day, am menopausal and do absolutely everything, so I feel no shame.

Sleep apnea is very serious, DH had it, had a heart attack not much older than your DH and now has heart failure. Please take this seriously OP.

Maria1982 · 23/08/2021 21:31

If he has sleep apnea it makes sense that he would ‘need’ a nap regularly, as opposed to just enjoying it if you see what I mean.

Hopefully with treatment (CPAP machine?) he can get better rest at night and no longer need naps every day.

PS I don’t think you’re unreasonable- it’s significantly affecting your life together and family life and puts more stress/work on you.

HoikingUpMyBigGirlPantss · 23/08/2021 21:32

The only people i know who nap during the day have sleep apnoea, prediabetes, or are retired and have time! Maybe time to get a healthcheck?

Faevern · 23/08/2021 21:34

I agree with what @SquitMcJit said.

Sleep apnoea is serious, untreated sleep apnoea is dangerous and causes extreme tiredness and other side effects, most replies on here aren’t relevant with that little nugget of info in the mix.

HerRoyalNotness · 23/08/2021 21:35

I have autoimmune conditions and low b12, need a nap 2/3 times a week. Maybe he should get a health check

youboozeyoulose · 23/08/2021 21:35

Partner was diagnosed with sleep apnoea. It 's often treated as a bit of a joke.

He died after falling and hitting his head. No way of knowing if SA was a contributing factor, will never know, but in my opinion it did. It is a serious condition.

NB, my partner was not overweight nor did he fit the normal criteria for someone with sleep apnoea.

owlbethere · 23/08/2021 21:37

@youboozeyoulose

Partner was diagnosed with sleep apnoea. It 's often treated as a bit of a joke.

He died after falling and hitting his head. No way of knowing if SA was a contributing factor, will never know, but in my opinion it did. It is a serious condition.

NB, my partner was not overweight nor did he fit the normal criteria for someone with sleep apnoea.

I’m really sorry to hear that Flowers
Original poster
Menomeany · 23/08/2021 21:38

Thank you

OP posts:
gavisconismyfriend · 23/08/2021 21:39

I was born to nap! Can push through the afternoon if I have to, but give me the chance and I’ll grab a sneaky nap. A deep nap is sleep like no other…..

SpnBaby1967 · 23/08/2021 21:39

DH often naps, but his work schedule means he is often short on sleep at night so makes up for it in weekend naps.

I would love to nap in my free time, as I am always so bloody tired but I'm an insomniac and I can guarantee a nap in the day even if just an hour, means no sleep at night.

When I was younger, pre kids. I would get in from work at 5.30pm, have a cuppa and switch on the BBC 6 o'clock news. But always fall asleep and then get woken by that awful them tune for The One Show Grin

However, if your DH is "oversleeping" there very well could be a medical cause so I'd want that ruled out. Naps shouldn't rule your family time, they're a bonus of free time not something that should cause friction

QuestionEverythingOrBeASheep · 23/08/2021 21:40

@54321nought

It is a very healthy habit! associated with long life and good health in cultures where it is standard
This ⤴️ It is totally accepted in many cultures. Scientists believe it is a key to a long healthier life. Great if you can do it regularly.
CambsAlways · 23/08/2021 21:40

I would tell him to get checked out just to be on the safe side

ActonSquirrel · 23/08/2021 21:40

My DM drives me crazy with it. I stayed with her a week ago.

At 9am she was asleep on the sofa. I said to her you've barely been up 2 hours. She then half an hour later fell asleep again with a full cup of coffee in her hand and spilled it all over herself and the sofa and the floor. She does this frequently.

Then you get treated later in the evening to ridiculously loud guttural snore sounds as she jerks awake.

She refuses to accept that she either snores badly or has sleep apnoea. She gets angry to the point of telling me to fuck off if I push the issue.

She has a nasal problem she says.

Fine. Just live with it then. Be tired and sleeping an hour after waking because you won't accept anything is wrong Hmm

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