AIBU to not look after MIL dog?

[GallowwayGirl88]

My MIL got a dog a few months ago, a beautiful black lab, good for her.

I don’t like dogs (I know…Im the weird one).

Before she decided to get the dog I’d asked her about kennels & dog walkers for when she was on holidays/ when her partner returns to office (he’s been WFH, but will be doing a mix soon). She said that my husband and I would be able to dog sit. Nope. Not happening. I told her that we wouldn’t be dog sitting, ever. Reminded her that DH and I both work full time and wouldn’t be “popping in” to let the dog out for a pee either. I assumed she’d listened, but obviously not.

She’s booked a fri-mon break and we can look after the dog because we “don’t work weekends anyway”. DH told her know, she’s accusing me of being a “selfish bitch”.

AIBU?

Yeah, obviously cut all contact with your MIL and divorce your husband. That’s not an overreaction at all!

@Mybalconyiscracking

Yeah, obviously cut all contact with your MIL and divorce your husband. That’s not an overreaction at all!

Too late, I contacted a divorce lawyer because his grandfather didn’t wave at me when I drove past him the other day.

@Biancadelrioisback

Anyone who called me a selfish bitch would certainly never benefit from me doing them favours.

This. This. This.

When we go away a wonderful person from borrowmydoggy comes and looks after our ddog for free. However I don't think this would work for MIL because you have to be respectful of the people who want to walk and look after your dog and acknowledge that they're doing you a favour. It works well for us because our dog sitter enjoys the peace of our house and of course spending time with rookiedog.

If it's a short term thing like a weekend, we pay for him to go to the dogwalkers - he had a fantastic time there the other weekend as ahe had other dogs boarding.

MIL sounds selfish and disorganised- not a good combination.

Tbh I probably would spend the 15 mins or so it would take to source a dog sitter for that weekend.

That way when MIL pulls out the but who will look after schnookums card, you have an answer. MIL/DM we've found this dog sitter with great reviews and she has availability for the weekend you need, its £100 for 4 days - here's her number.

That way she knows your serious and can't dump the dog on you when she leaves.

@spurs4ever

Isn't this the sort of thing you sort out before you get a dog? I'm just about to get my first puppy and holiday cover is already sorted. Not even going away til next year. She's being ridiculous x

This totally! I love dogs, DH doesn't but since you are both working and you are pregnant, I can't think of anything worse than enforced dog walking. I wasn't capable of walking more than 100m when pregnant as I was so sick and picking up dog poo would be impossible

@rookiemere

Tbh I probably would spend the 15 mins or so it would take to source a dog sitter for that weekend.

That way when MIL pulls out the but who will look after schnookums card, you have an answer. MIL/DM we've found this dog sitter with great reviews and she has availability for the weekend you need, its £100 for 4 days - here's her number.

That way she knows your serious and can't dump the dog on you when she leaves.

Why on earth should the OP spend ANY of her time, even 15 minutes, taking on the owner’s job to be responsible for the pet they chose to have?! Doing any such thing will only perpetuate the MiL’s apparent belief that random family members have some sort of responsibility for her pooch. They do not. Leave her to it, for goodness sake!

How do people cut family out of their lives?

Well, assuming this is what you plan to do (and I am not saying this is right or wrong) they usually do one of two things:

low contact: christmas and birthday cards, civilised exchange of conversation at christenings and family events and keep said family at arms length and do not engage in anything meaningful, such as one to one family get togethers or dinners. It becomes a distant and polite relationship

No contact: Cut all contact all together and only attend family events where the family member will not be there. This decision is usually made after an abusive relationship that is causing harm or anguish.

Hell would freeze over before I would continue a relationship with anyone, inc MIL that called me a selfish bitch, but each to their own.

Well done OP. Glad you and DH have stood firm. If you ever say yes to dog sitting it will be 100x worse saying no the next time.

So nice to read a thread where the DH is actually communicating with his own mother and has his wife’s back.

You sound very sensible, leave all communication to DH and don’t expect anything of them and you can’t go too far wrong.

Your husband responded appropriately but what awful language to use to your son about his pregnant wife.

Only you know if that is the norm in the family.

Well done for sticking to your guns.

Her dog to organise.

I would be very, very wary of being closely involved with someone who speaks like that.
I would keep my distance and I definitely think it's good advice to let ALL communications go through your husband.

She has shown you who she is and I would believe her.
She sounds very rough.

As a professional dog walker/pet sitter, I can tell you now that my biggest source of anxiety is family members caring for people's dogs. Not because it takes business away from people like me but because family members don't have insurance so in this case if the dog escaped while in your care, ran off to the nearest park and bit a child out of fear, it'd be you that gets sued not your MIL because you were the one in charge of the dog at the time. That's why professional dog walkers are insured up to the hilt because if something goes wrong on our watch then at least we know our insurance company covers the legal fees (up to £5 million!!). In your case, with no insurance, you'd literally lose your house trying to pay the court costs, compensation payouts, etc.

Perhaps word it to your MIL like this? Explain that's why you suggested she use a dog walking company in the first place because of insurance and the desire to protect HER precious dog.

Hope that helps x

Ok if you don't want to cut her out all together or cause a big family drama - I'd say something like
"Calling me/ wife a selfish bitch is unnecessary and unforgivable. From now on we'll be cordial and polite but do not expect a close relationship. You've shown what you really think of me/ wife and we now feel very uncomfortable in your presence"

She may grovel, she may not. I'd maintain a distant relationship- Xmas/ birthday cards and see them at events but nothing special and nothing alone with them.

I don't like dogs and would be saying a firm no, as well.

And anyone who called me a "selfish bitch" would get ignored in future.

If you want pets you have to organise for their care when you go on holiday. And that does not mean dumping on relatives. I'd look after a guinea pig, but nothing else.

I don't inflict my dogs on non-dog people. Bizarre

If only the rest of the dog-owning world were the same...

I have a dog and a cat and when we go on holiday, we factor in the cost of boarding kennels and cattery in to the costs.

I wouldn't dream of asking someone to look after my pets, let alone assume anything.

@Muststopeating

Yeah, I wouldn't be looking after her dog either.

BUT I presume she doesn't look after your kids? Cos tit for tat and all that.

MASSIVE difference!

Also don’t think a dog and your actual grandchild are on the same level, but that’s just me Completely agree OP.

@Suzi888

Why get a puppy and then go on holiday

You are allowed to have a life away from your pets - but not at the expense of relatives whose responsibility they are not.

@stepupandbecounted
Definitely going to go “low contact”. I wouldn’t want to deprive DH or DC of family occasions and there’s enough of them that I wouldn’t need to spend much time actually talking to MIL, luckily most events are hosted by grandparents as well.

So far she hasn’t tried to contact either of us, DH is planning on going to see her at the end of the week to reiterate how inappropriate she was and that it won’t be tolerated.

@billy1966 for all we have clashed over the years - we’ve very different people - she doesn’t resort to name calling normally.

Sounds like you have it in hand.

Your husband reiterating his position will hopefully be effective.

LC is wise. Let your husband do ALL the running there.
You need to mind yourself.

DH popped into his mums after work.

Her reasoning being everything is that I do apparently love the dog and all I do at the weekend is sit around or go to my grans for lunch so I have plenty time to look after the pup.

DH tried to point out that being nice to the dog doesn’t mean I “love” it, more that I’m not a c*nt and would never ignore/ be nasty to an animal. Also reminded her that “lunch with granny” is actually part of the caring role I have for her, which I do 3/4 days a week and is definitely not a lazy afternoon

No apology for language but she knows we aren’t dog sitting and she’ll need to find someone else. DH also declined her invite for dinner on Sunday night - he’s a gem!

Thanks for everyone’s comments

Oh I really hate the "look how good you are with the dog, therefore you'll be happy to look after it". We got a dog even though I was very clear I did not want to be a dog owner.

Well of course I'm gentle and kind with rookiedog because that's the right thing to do, but when DH started muttering about me doing more for the dog because I seemed to have really bonded with him, I politely declined the offer.

OP,

He sounds like a good man who has your back.
Hope everything works out for you.