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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not look after MIL dog?

147 replies

GallowwayGirl88 · 23/08/2021 13:04

My MIL got a dog a few months ago, a beautiful black lab, good for her.

I don’t like dogs (I know…Im the weird one).

Before she decided to get the dog I’d asked her about kennels & dog walkers for when she was on holidays/ when her partner returns to office (he’s been WFH, but will be doing a mix soon). She said that my husband and I would be able to dog sit. Nope. Not happening. I told her that we wouldn’t be dog sitting, ever. Reminded her that DH and I both work full time and wouldn’t be “popping in” to let the dog out for a pee either. I assumed she’d listened, but obviously not.

She’s booked a fri-mon break and we can look after the dog because we “don’t work weekends anyway”. DH told her know, she’s accusing me of being a “selfish bitch”.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Marove · 23/08/2021 13:43

Your MIL reminds me of my sister who expects me to do all kinds of things for her because I have a car and she doesn't. When her child was small I did tend to her emergencies and demands for the sake of the child. Now the child has grown up and left home I won't drop what I'm doing to drive her dog to the vet or make a detour on the way home with a phone charger or drop off this or pick this up or drive there so she can use my phone because she's run out of credit etc. I mean I could do these things, I do have a car but the expectation that I am obliged to take responsibility
Is what makes me really resent doing these things. Things I would most likely do for others. So I say no and point her in the right direction to help herself.
This is always met with a nasty or rude or spiteful text message and I have learnt to ignore it and not even respond. If anything the reaction to me saying no is enough to confirm that I shouldn't feel bad about not wanting to help her.

Original poster
GallowwayGirl88 · 23/08/2021 13:43

MIL and I have a fragile relations in general, we clash on a lot of issues. In general I try to keep the peace, go out of my way to help her and make the effort to see them regularly etc. I just know if I did it once she’d expect it more often - I’m going on Mat leave soon and dread the “you’re not working you can walk the dog” conversation Hmm

@XelaM
Because the dog isn’t coming to my house for 4 days & my husband isn’t going to stay at his mums for a long weekend either. She was told that “we” wouldn’t be dog sitting.

@FetchezLaVache ahaha. No selfish dog!
In general he does like dogs, so I’m obviously the big baddie here!

OP posts:
thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 23/08/2021 13:44

@XelaM

Why can't your husband look after it over the weekend if you don't like dogs?
Because he doesn't want to either?
Ughmaybenot · 23/08/2021 13:46

I’d be hard pushed to even speak to MIL again if she was happy to call me a selfish bitch over something so unreasonable, let alone do her any favours in the future. The absolute cheek of it, especially seeing as you pre-empted this situation and gave prior notice you’d not be looking after the dog.

cleckheatonwanderer · 23/08/2021 13:48

Pfffttt, jog on lass and pay for YOUR pet to stay in kennels

BashfulClam · 23/08/2021 13:49

Nope, I love dogs but if you said no then you said no. Give in now and you will be doing it for the next 15 years and walking it on your mat leave.

Original poster
GallowwayGirl88 · 23/08/2021 13:49

@Muststopeating
First child due in a few months. I have no plans to rely on her for child care. She’s never mentioned having baby over night whereas my own mammy can’t wait to babysit and already has a nursery kitted out at her own house Smile
Also don’t think a dog and your actual grandchild are on the same level, but that’s just me.

@Marove
your sister sounds like a right pain! Very kind of you to help out when the child was younger, it shouldn’t be expected.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 23/08/2021 13:51

I wouldn't have anything to do with her after that comment, I can assure you. She has some cheek.

MayorGoodwaysChicken · 23/08/2021 13:55

I wouldn’t speak to her again without an apology for calling me a bitch. And I’d expect my husband to do the same if his mother called me that because I didn’t want to look after her dog. She also wouldn’t be seeing her grandchild if she sees fit to treat its mother that way.

Goldbar · 23/08/2021 14:00

You told her you don't like dogs. What sort of crazy person expects someone who doesn't like dogs to look after a dog for them?

Original poster
GallowwayGirl88 · 23/08/2021 14:03

@Goldbar

You told her you don't like dogs. What sort of crazy person expects someone who doesn't like dogs to look after a dog for them?
Who knows? Confused

I think because I’m nice to the dog and play with it when I visit she assumes I like dogs now? Maybe she expected kick the dog away or something…

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 23/08/2021 14:10

I don't think it's much different than asking for occasional babysitting from close family. Obviously you aren't obliged (and name calling is clearly unreasonable) but it's hardly an unusual favour to ask from close family. Does she do you favours?

mynameisbrian · 23/08/2021 14:14

So your DH says no and his mother calls you the selfish bitch. She sounds really lovely....wonder how she will be when the 'selfish bitch' has a child.

Mantlemoose · 23/08/2021 14:17

No, you're not selfish at all. Her dog, her responsibility. I say the same for people bemoaning their parents won't look after their kids!

Original poster
GallowwayGirl88 · 23/08/2021 14:18

@Stompythedinosaur
She didn’t ask, she’d text DH saying “we’ve booked to go go blah blah, you and wife can look after the dog since you don’t work weekends”.

I don’t ask her for anything, nor do I expect anything from her.

I have no plans to ask her to babysit - she’s never mentioned it and we’re luck to have other family and friends who have already offered to babysit for specific events and have babys name down for a nursery for when I return to work.

OP posts:
Mantlemoose · 23/08/2021 14:18

@GallowwayGirl88

MIL and I have a fragile relations in general, we clash on a lot of issues. In general I try to keep the peace, go out of my way to help her and make the effort to see them regularly etc. I just know if I did it once she’d expect it more often - I’m going on Mat leave soon and dread the “you’re not working you can walk the dog” conversation Hmm

@XelaM
Because the dog isn’t coming to my house for 4 days & my husband isn’t going to stay at his mums for a long weekend either. She was told that “we” wouldn’t be dog sitting.

@FetchezLaVache ahaha. No selfish dog!
In general he does like dogs, so I’m obviously the big baddie here!

Ah, so obviously your husband does want to look after it. Send him to her house then!
IntermittentParps · 23/08/2021 14:23

she’s accusing me of being a “selfish bitch”
And what's she accusing her son of being?

And what did he say when she spoke about you like this?

gardeninggirl68 · 23/08/2021 14:30

Are you sure she was told this in the beginning and it wasn't left to your DH to tell her!?

Also now, how come it's just you that's selfish? Has you DH reiterated you are BOTH saying no?

AnonymousCheerleader · 23/08/2021 14:32

I friggin' love dogs. Dogs are my favourite.

But I won't look after my brothers lab. He's far too big and boisterous for me, especially as he's poorly trained. I certainly wouldn't want to look after one if I didn't even like dogs and had little experience of dogs in general.

Fuck that shit.

diddl · 23/08/2021 14:32

"Ah, so obviously your husband does want to look after it. Send him to her house then!"

After MIL has called Op a selfish bitch?

I love dogs but I probably wouldn't want to have to move out for four days to look after one!

If Op's husband could just pop round & walk it that might have been OK.

Hadalifeonce · 23/08/2021 14:35

Some dog owners are really strange. We had a family member state they couldn't get someone to look after their dog over Christmas, so would be bringing it to our house (we are not dog people and our garden us not dog proof) with the other 4 people also visiting.
DH suggested 12 people and a dog might work. Not a chance in hell.
He was actually prepared to say yes 'to keep the peace'. Once I told him that if the dog turned up I would be having Christmas somewhere else, he realised it was better to keep the peace with me.

Original poster
GallowwayGirl88 · 23/08/2021 14:46

DH does like dogs, but definitely doesn’t want to dog sit for four days…two of which are working days, and he can’t bring a dog to work.
The dog is kept in a cage when home alone - it chews, a lot. I don’t like dogs but I don’t think it’s okay to keep a dog in a cage for hours on end and only out for two walks a day? But, that’s not relevant as DH doesn’t want to walk the dog 2x a day for 4 days either.

I told her face to face that the dog wouldn’t be staying at our house for holidays and that we wouldn’t be able to walk the dog while they were at work etc. After MIL messaged about their weekend away DH phoned her and told her “sorry mum, we can’t dog sit”.

OP posts:
jb7445 · 23/08/2021 14:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

godmum56 · 23/08/2021 14:47

oh listen I am a dog owner myself and would do anything for my dog but 1. I accept that not everybody likes dogs.

  1. I would NEVER leave my dog with someone who doesn't like dogs.
gardeninggirl68 · 23/08/2021 14:47

I'm sat here looking at my 2 year old black lab wondering why all the fuss!! Gorgeous dogs.

Agree they are hard work though. Great if you are active and want a workout!