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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not look after MIL dog?

147 replies

GallowwayGirl88 · 23/08/2021 13:04

My MIL got a dog a few months ago, a beautiful black lab, good for her.

I don’t like dogs (I know…Im the weird one).

Before she decided to get the dog I’d asked her about kennels & dog walkers for when she was on holidays/ when her partner returns to office (he’s been WFH, but will be doing a mix soon). She said that my husband and I would be able to dog sit. Nope. Not happening. I told her that we wouldn’t be dog sitting, ever. Reminded her that DH and I both work full time and wouldn’t be “popping in” to let the dog out for a pee either. I assumed she’d listened, but obviously not.

She’s booked a fri-mon break and we can look after the dog because we “don’t work weekends anyway”. DH told her know, she’s accusing me of being a “selfish bitch”.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FamBae · 23/08/2021 15:57

[quote ememem84]**@GallowwayGirl88* @FamBae*

I know - I still can't quite believe that they did that. They'd left enough food for the dog and enough water. and were "only" away for a long weekend (not weeks - which would have been worse - not that a long weekend wasn't long enough for the poor dog). luckily the dog was ok. their house...not so much. he's not caged/crated so has the roam of the place....you can guess what happened....

i did report it once i found out what had happened. they know it was me who did it. how on earth they managed to keep the dog i'll never know. But they also tried to suggest that dh and i pay for the damage to their house. Nope.[/quote]
Good on you I know that's not an easy thing to do especially to family and the dog sure made certain that he wasn't left alone again Smile Sorry you have such a nightmare inlaw Flowers

Sparklfairy · 23/08/2021 16:27

But they also tried to suggest that dh and i pay for the damage to their house

That is outrageous @ememem84 but glad they got their comeuppance. I mean, I assume their home insurance wouldn't cover a clear case of neglect?

StopGo · 23/08/2021 16:39

@NigellaSeed

Do people call/refer to others as selfish bitches in real life? I must live a sheltered life because no way would anyone I know talk to family or friends like that -
My mother's favourite insult. Nasty and hurtful.
RickJames · 23/08/2021 16:54

A young labrador? No way.. if it chews your sofa or tinkles on your carpet, oh god no!

I love dogs but I now refuse to look after friend's big dogs. They are just too variable. I was looking after my friend's lovely husky a while back and it decided it wanted to bark at next door's little kids. Not acceptable and I spoke to it encouragingly and then firmly, no response, so I pulled on his harness to take him in the house and he gave me such a nasty look/ body language. I was instantly aware that he could easily attack me and so now I say no.

I have a very small dog who people always offer to babysit overnight but I know what an arse she is if she can't sleep in bed with the people so I don't do it. You have to be a bit special/ wierd to let visiting dogs in your bed! I have one friend that let's her in bed with her and her other dogs so that's my only option.

No no no to dogs that you don't know well (or are afraid of) roaming your house. Completely unreasonable of your MIL and horribly rude to insult you.

ememem84 · 23/08/2021 16:55

[quote nonotmenotI]@ememem84

What happened to the dog? A week of poop and pee in the house? Did it have water/food?

I have so many questions. [/quote]
the dog had food and water. lots of it. and it does have a dog flap. so could go out for pee and poop.

sometimes it chose not to.

TheGenealogist · 23/08/2021 16:57

Yanbu.

her dog, her problem.

And it's absolutely fine not to like dogs, it's not compulsory.

ememem84 · 23/08/2021 17:00

@Sparklfairy

But they also tried to suggest that dh and i pay for the damage to their house

That is outrageous @ememem84 but glad they got their comeuppance. I mean, I assume their home insurance wouldn't cover a clear case of neglect?

nope. it wouldn't.

they tried. but nope. pet insurance apparently wouldn't cover it either. although my understanding was that pet insurance was for illness etc not for "i cba to find someone to look after my dog"

twats.

i mean i dont like the dog much. but i wouldn't wish it harm. ts not its fault it has twats fro owners.

i love dogs. just not that one. if i had the time, and didnt have my cat girl, i'd absolutely have one. but its not the right time for us to have one.

Streamside · 23/08/2021 17:00

So you warn her sufficiently that you won't do something , she goes ahead anyway and then calls you a selfish bitch.
Not much you can do but hold firm in the full realisation of how she feels about you.

StoneofDestiny · 23/08/2021 17:02

I'd never look after anybody's dog and won't have anybody's pet in the house. I don't have a pet by choice. You MIL sounds objectionable in the extreme to call you a 'selfish bitch' and I'd give her a wide berth in future.

bellabasset · 23/08/2021 17:03

I would source a dog trainer/walker who has dogs in their home and get dh to insist his dm books it. One of the trainers near us has adapted her garden as a dog play area, much better for the dog.

ejhhhhh · 23/08/2021 17:09

If she didn’t have a plan for dog when she went away (and not including you, as you’d already said no), she shouldn’t have got a dog. This is why so many dog owners only go to places where they can take their dog. YANBU, not even a teeny tiny bit, and your MIL sounds awful. If I were you I’d be keeping her at (a very long) arms length and let your DH deal with her, preferably without relaying her vitriol back to you.

Blossomtoes · 23/08/2021 17:11

I adore our dog, she’s the light of my life. When we go away she goes into kennels. She’s perfectly happy when she goes in and just as happy when we collect her. Mil should just take the bloody dog to kennels, it’s not canine Guantanamo Bay, ffs.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 23/08/2021 17:15

@bellabasset

I would source a dog trainer/walker who has dogs in their home and get dh to insist his dm books it. One of the trainers near us has adapted her garden as a dog play area, much better for the dog.
Why should op do all the hard work of finding someone? MILs dog, MILs problem
TillyTopper · 23/08/2021 17:23

YANBU and she's very cheeky for asking you. I would love a lab for the week but quite understand that not everyone would and not everyone has the time. If you were clear with her up front I'd just stick to your guns and say no. And perhaps you have a couple days in the office as well so you're not around anyway?

Tirediam · 23/08/2021 17:32

YADNBU!! Cheeky bitch she is

DomPom47 · 23/08/2021 17:39

Wow she sounds charming!!! Would ignore her until you got an apology.

Original poster
GallowwayGirl88 · 23/08/2021 17:44

@Wombat64 it’s not for a few weeks and honestly already struggling with the size of my bump & sore hips. Walking a hyper puppy just sounds awful to me!
@bellabasset I mentioned dog walkers to her before she got the dog, and she could well afford it, I think she’s just being cheap tbh. Also isn’t hard to google local dog walkers so I’m sure she’d be able to sort it out herself if she wanted.

@TillyTopper I don’t WFH anyway, she knows I’m out all day and DH is a tradesman so also neither of us are around on the Friday/ Monday even if we wanted to dog sit.

It’s reassuring to hear people saying they put their dogs into kennels and everything is fine - I wont feel bad for suggesting that to her now. Smile

OP posts:
Georgyporky · 23/08/2021 17:46

I'd like to know why some posters think you're unreasonable.
Looks very cut-and-dried to me.

Lindjam · 23/08/2021 18:01

I wouldn't speak to her again as she called you a bitch.

Bit of a result really eh OP?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 23/08/2021 18:03

Fuck that.

Rainbowshine · 23/08/2021 18:45

I would reiterate the issue that a previous post said, as I was willingly looking after my MILs cockapoo for a day and she wound the lead around her own and my legs in a millisecond, then wanted to dash off in a different direction and pulled me flat onto the ground. I’m still bruised three weeks later. My MIL was mortified and said she would understand if I refused to look after her again, bought me a box of chocolates and a gift card to say thanks and sorry and kept checking how I was feeling.

MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat · 23/08/2021 18:55

Yanbu to not look after the dog and I wouldn’t be doing any favours at all for someone that called me a selfish bitch

DrunkUnicorn · 23/08/2021 19:30

YANBU. And I wouldn't be changing my response and saying yes to someone who calls me the b-word. No thank you.

Cherrysoup · 23/08/2021 19:40

I’m glad your dh is sticking up for you. Why didn’t mil just find something dog friendly? We just had a long weekend away with ours, there are loads of options.

Given her attitude, I doubt you’ll be rushing to allow her time with the baby!

GreyTV · 23/08/2021 19:45

That would be the last time I saw her if she called me a fucking bitch, unless she apologised and grovelled and actually changed her behaviour.
My friend dog sits in peoples houses. She gets a little bit of a wage, gets a break from living where she is and loves animals.