AIBU to not look after MIL dog?

[GallowwayGirl88]

My MIL got a dog a few months ago, a beautiful black lab, good for her.

I don’t like dogs (I know…Im the weird one).

Before she decided to get the dog I’d asked her about kennels & dog walkers for when she was on holidays/ when her partner returns to office (he’s been WFH, but will be doing a mix soon). She said that my husband and I would be able to dog sit. Nope. Not happening. I told her that we wouldn’t be dog sitting, ever. Reminded her that DH and I both work full time and wouldn’t be “popping in” to let the dog out for a pee either. I assumed she’d listened, but obviously not.

She’s booked a fri-mon break and we can look after the dog because we “don’t work weekends anyway”. DH told her know, she’s accusing me of being a “selfish bitch”.

AIBU?

@GallowwayGirl88

DH does like dogs, but definitely doesn’t want to dog sit for four days…two of which are working days, and he can’t bring a dog to work. The dog is kept in a cage when home alone - it chews, a lot. I don’t like dogs but I don’t think it’s okay to keep a dog in a cage for hours on end and only out for two walks a day? But, that’s not relevant as DH doesn’t want to walk the dog 2x a day for 4 days either.

I told her face to face that the dog wouldn’t be staying at our house for holidays and that we wouldn’t be able to walk the dog while they were at work etc. After MIL messaged about their weekend away DH phoned her and told her “sorry mum, we can’t dog sit”.

PS if your Mil leaves the dog caged because it chews, she is NOT a good dog owner. Once they pass the teething stage, chewing is a sign of boredom and stress.

@jb7445

No! I'm from a dog loving family, I dog sit my siblings' dogs and my parents and siblings had mine before she died. But it's never an expectation!

Also I remember the first time I put my girl into kennels when she was 5 or so because everyone else had plans so couldn't take her. I literally cried because I thought she'd be traumatised. She was absolutely fine and dandy and a bit fatter than when she went in 🤣. She needs to book a decent kennels and the dog will be fine. Not your problem.

I get the apprehension about putting a dog into kennels, it can’t be easy the first time! I’ve had a look and there’s websites where people dog sit in their own homes as well, which sounds nicer than some kennels I guess.

Yep you are weird.

Poor dog!! Kept in a cage?? Not fair at all

No, it's not ok to crate it for almost all of the day. I'd definitely not have a dog to stay whilst it's in the chewing stage. Needs total supervision.

Isn't this the sort of thing you sort out before you get a dog? I'm just about to get my first puppy and holiday cover is already sorted. Not even going away til next year.
She's being ridiculous x

“sorry mum, we can’t dog sit”

Somehow that seems to come across as he would if Op would let him!

What did you DH say to her when she called you a Bitch?

and obviously YANBU

DH told her no, she’s accusing me of being a “selfish bitch”.

How does that work, then? Oh, I know, women are always responsible for decisions independent, autonomous adult males make entirely of their own volition.

I've had this kind of attitude, too. I suspect it's the easiest cop-out to blame the non-blood related female (in a society which likes to blame women by default anyway) because it saves any examination of MiL's own parenting or the state of her relationship with her son. Sadly it's an attitude that seems to be very common.

You stick to your guns, OP, and refer MiL to her son. You don't have to tolerate anyone name-calling or branding you with unpleasant, sexist pejoratives. I'd step well and truly back.

What kind of person refers to their DIL, MIL, SIL, etc. as a "selfish bitch"? I mean, really? Fair enough if one or both of you are horrible and genuinely, openly dislike one another. But in the kind of relationship where someone thinks you're close enough that you might do one another favours, do people really call one another bitches? I can't imagine anyone I know doing that.

I am a dog lover, and also love my pets more than some humans, however no way would I ask any of my friends or family look after my dogs, especially a puppy.

My dogs, my problem and they go to Home boarders. Id tell her to feck off.

She will have to sort her own doggie problems out. and stop being a bad minded person. It annoys me, when people do this kind of thing, when they have pets, as part of the family. It's not just popping in to feed cat overnight, when you have a dog, especially as you are not a dog person.

@godmum56
She’s not normally in the cage for hours on end. MIL partner is WFH, dog is in cage if they’re both out and might sleep in the cage? Not sure. They got her as a pup about 3 months ago, should teething be over by now?

@victoriaspongecake thanks

@spurs4ever I thought that was what people do as well - or at least have someone who’d happily dog sit if they can’t afford kennels/ dog walkers.

@AryaStarkWolf something along the lines of “fuck sake don’t call my wife a bitch, we told you we wouldn’t be dog sitting, sort it out yourself”. She hung up on him.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks
Aye it seems to be pretty common…because obviously we control our DH

oh fil and his gf did this to us. got a (beautiful looking) jack russell staff cross puppy. it could be a wonderful dog if it was trained. however it's a nasty snappy thing. because thats how they've trained it.

they went away a while ago, and assumed we would look after it. I said no because working full time, two small dc etc. dh said no. fils gf suggested that we have the dog move in with us because it'd make things easier for us to look after her baby. we said no because we have bruiser of a cat who would more than likely get upset.

we sent messages etc letting them know and told them they'd have to make other arrangements. we heard nothing more so assumed this had been done.

turns out they left the dog by itself. and then tried to claim we'd neglected it. because we didnt know they hadn't made other arrangements. i think the hopes were that someone would tell us that the dog was on its own and we'd go care for me. turns out no one did.

@ememem84

oh fil and his gf did this to us. got a (beautiful looking) jack russell staff cross puppy. it could be a wonderful dog if it was trained. however it's a nasty snappy thing. because thats how they've trained it.

they went away a while ago, and assumed we would look after it. I said no because working full time, two small dc etc. dh said no. fils gf suggested that we have the dog move in with us because it'd make things easier for us to look after her baby. we said no because we have bruiser of a cat who would more than likely get upset.

we sent messages etc letting them know and told them they'd have to make other arrangements. we heard nothing more so assumed this had been done.

turns out they left the dog by itself. and then tried to claim we'd neglected it. because we didnt know they hadn't made other arrangements. i think the hopes were that someone would tell us that the dog was on its own and we'd go care for me. turns out no one did.

Jesus wept. That’s awful, poor dog!

Do people call/refer to others as selfish bitches in real life? I must live a sheltered life because no way would anyone I know talk to family or friends like that -

I can't stand dogs. I was bitten as a teenager and I've never got over the fear.

I also cannot stand dog hair, dog food (smell makes me ill) and I will never ever shovel up dog shit.

I hate how people expect everyone to love their pets.

Don't ever give in.

something along the lines of “fuck sake don’t call my wife a bitch, we told you we wouldn’t be dog sitting, sort it out yourself”. She hung up on him.

That's a real (and rare) pleasure to read.

@NigellaSeed

Do people call/refer to others as selfish bitches in real life? I must live a sheltered life because no way would anyone I know talk to family or friends like that -

You're lucky. My sister speaks to me like that frequently

@ememem84

oh fil and his gf did this to us. got a (beautiful looking) jack russell staff cross puppy. it could be a wonderful dog if it was trained. however it's a nasty snappy thing. because thats how they've trained it.

they went away a while ago, and assumed we would look after it. I said no because working full time, two small dc etc. dh said no. fils gf suggested that we have the dog move in with us because it'd make things easier for us to look after her baby. we said no because we have bruiser of a cat who would more than likely get upset.

we sent messages etc letting them know and told them they'd have to make other arrangements. we heard nothing more so assumed this had been done.

turns out they left the dog by itself. and then tried to claim we'd neglected it. because we didnt know they hadn't made other arrangements. i think the hopes were that someone would tell us that the dog was on its own and we'd go care for me. turns out no one did.

That's disgusting, I hope you contacted the RSPCA.

Chewing lasts ages, if dog is left to own devices. Our year old pup is still having a sneaky chew, if he can get away with it.

Be careful if you ever get roped into walking the dog, especially pregnant. Labs have a predilection to hunting food down & can yank your arm. Damaged my shoulder walking neighbour's dog & fallen a couple of times & I'm strong. Needs to be on a harness, at the very least.

But really, if you're getting abuse, I wouldn't have anything to do with it

I strongly dislike dogs, so I would react exactly the same way you have.

My best friend of nearly 20 years has both a cat and a dog. He's hinted many many times over the years that he'd like me to look after them when he goes on holidays, etc. His parents live barely 10 minutes away from him, they always do it, I live a good hour and half away from him (on public transport, I don't drive). The hints started when his parents retired and told him that they weren't happy doing it for him every single time.

I haven't wavered for a second. The thought of having to pick up dog mess makes me physically ill, I won't even accompany him when he walks the dog for that very reason.

Why on Earth did she ever think you didn't mean what you said?

@GallowwayGirl88 @FamBae

I know - I still can't quite believe that they did that. They'd left enough food for the dog and enough water. and were "only" away for a long weekend (not weeks - which would have been worse - not that a long weekend wasn't long enough for the poor dog). luckily the dog was ok. their house...not so much. he's not caged/crated so has the roam of the place....you can guess what happened....

i did report it once i found out what had happened. they know it was me who did it. how on earth they managed to keep the dog i'll never know. But they also tried to suggest that dh and i pay for the damage to their house. Nope.

I love my dogs and, generally, all dogs (clue is in my name ), but this is crazy. I am very lucky in that I have a nephew who will very happily dog and house sit on the odd occasions we go away, but it's never assumed, ever.
YANBU, OP.

@ememem84

What happened to the dog? A week of poop and pee in the house? Did it have water/food?

I have so many questions.