To hate formula feeding?

[Dustypinks]

It’s not meant to be a BF vs FF thread. It’s just how I personally feel.

I hate the fact I’ve no easy, quick way of comforting my baby. I hate the fact that if I give him a bottle and he won’t go to sleep I have to wait hours until he’s hungry enough to accept another one. I hate worrying about his teeth. I hate the cost!

I know it suits some people and I’m not trying to suggest they are wrong. I personally hate it though.

you sound really down and anxious

No, I don’t. Don’t be ridiculous.

No one is saying breastfeeding is the only way of comforting a baby. I have a nine month old I breast fed for one day I do know there are other ways of offering comfort.

I also know breastfeeding is an easy, quick method that calms and comforts a child and has a myriad of other benefits and none of the faff of formula.

It’s getting a bit annoying I can’t just not like formula feeding without having my mental state called into question.

Op I agree. Ds1 was bottle fed (breastmilk then onto formula) ds2 is breastfed. It is so much easier, he is soothed much quicker and didn't do the hours of screaming every evening that ds1 did as a newbies because I just cluster fed him at that time (which is obviously why ds1 was screaming as he couldn't latch)

I don't know why you're getting a hard time here.

I hated it too, was so glad when I managed to successfully breastfeed the 2nd. Brought its own set of issues though.

I had two babies. Both exclusively ff, I did not attempt to breastfeed either of them.

I get it. Formula feeding is a monumental faff. To me, the faff was better then the boob-sucking alternative. But it’s totally fine to not like it 🤷🏻‍♀️ The perfect prep changed our lives though.

There is no easy way to have a baby. Both ways are challenging

[quote Frezia]@Dustypinks
There are two kinds of threads on this topic:

OP: "Breastfeeding is so difficult, I hate it"
Replies: "Well my life got so much better since introducing formula, my FF baby is healthier and smarter than my friend's BF baby, breastfeeding nazis are the worst"

OP: "Formula feeding is so difficult, I hate it"
Replies: "This is baffling, you're doing it wrong, you're attacking and invalidating me, breastfeeding nazis are the worst"[/quote]
This! And then a few posts down someone says that 'no one mentions the downsides of breastfeeding' - I could not disagree more. Even when breastfeeding is praised it's in terms that implies breastfeeding is an impressive act of self-sacrifice, never that it might actually have some practical bonuses to go with the undoubted practical downsides.

There is just something so bizarre about feeding culture in this country - I don't know how we've got to a point where 75% of mothers use at least some formula by six weeks, but somehow they're made to feel like a beleaguered minority constantly being bullied by the very concept of breastfeeding.

I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted, OP. I think a lot of people don't realise the intense emotions that can accompany things when issues related to baby care don't work out the way we intended, particularly feeding choices.

Have you ever though about using a SNS (supplementary nursing system) for some feeds? Of course, you'd still have the preparation/sterilisation faff, but you would gain some of the benefits you have mentioned. You'd also gain the advantage of stimulating your own milk supply too and potentially relactate, even if only a little bit.

I’ve never FF but did consider trying it when DS was about 5 months old because I had nipple thrush that just wouldn’t disappear at all despite trying numerous treatments. I was fed up with the itching and burning pain so we bought the bottles and steriliser which were expensive enough but then we saw the cost of the actual formula and I backed out of it. I’m amazed anyone can afford it, it’s daylight robbery.

@Hardbackwriter

There is just something so bizarre about feeding culture in this country - I don't know how we've got to a point where 75% of mothers use at least some formula by six weeks, but somehow they're made to feel like a beleaguered minority constantly being bullied by the very concept of breastfeeding.

It’s because even though formula usage is a very common, normal thing, the incessant promotion of ‘breast is best’ across all situations, regardless of personal circumstance, leads to a tonne of shame and guilt. It’s appalling that formula use is seen as an inferior option and mums who use it are treated like they’re doing the bare minimum for their baby.

Breastfeeding grief is definitely a problem. I'm sure I had this. I cried my eyes out when I realised it wasn't working. The NHS breastfeeding consultant thought I was traumatised about the birth and sent me for counselling. I told the counsellor, no, it isn't that at all. I'm over the birth, had a perfect physical recovery. Just devestated I couldn't breastfeed. We mixed fed for a few months, but I was convinced I'd ebf, just because I chose to! It seems like a choice when you haven't had the choice taken away from you and then you realise it isn't always a question of choice.

I did manage to exclusively pump for dc2 for an entire year, so it was a lack of effort or commitment to breastfeeding, it just didn't work for us for a number of reasons.

It is a little irksome when someone who has successfully EBFed without problems says something like, "you probably aren't the exception, almost everyone can breastfeed, you just didn't try hard enough" . Yawn. Those people are actually being pretty ignorant imo. I only see it online, thankfully!

I’ve never experienced any practical downsides to breastfeeding, I’m not sure whether there are any. If my baby is hungry, I whip my boob out and he can eat. It’s possibly the most practical thing ever, especially when you master the walk and boob. You get some funny looks but I’m not arsed at all.

And I absolutely agree, it’s bizarre. Very bizarre. Many other countries don’t have this amount of intense emotion attached to how you feed your baby. It doesn’t have to be this way.

@Hemingwaycat

I’ve never experienced any practical downsides to breastfeeding, I’m not sure whether there are any. If my baby is hungry, I whip my boob out and he can eat. It’s possibly the most practical thing ever, especially when you master the walk and boob. You get some funny looks but I’m not arsed at all.

That’s great there weren’t any for you! There were quite a few really problematic practical downsides to breastfeeding for me. Your experience is just that - your own :)

It’s because even though formula usage is a very common, normal thing, the incessant promotion of ‘breast is best’ across all situations, regardless of personal circumstance, leads to a tonne of shame and guilt. It’s appalling that formula use is seen as an inferior option and mums who use it are treated like they’re doing the bare minimum for their baby.

Yes. This. I’ve been told I was selfish for not wanting to breast feed. It was a truly horrible and damaging moment. I had been very unwell in pregnancy, I was doing what I had to do to survive and I thought I was making a bloody good job, somewhat against the odds, only for someone to actively seek to knock me down.

@LynseyLoses

Breastfeeding grief is definitely a problem. I'm sure I had this. I cried my eyes out when I realised it wasn't working. The NHS breastfeeding consultant thought I was traumatised about the birth and sent me for counselling. I told the counsellor, no, it isn't that at all. I'm over the birth, had a perfect physical recovery. Just devestated I couldn't breastfeed. We mixed fed for a few months, but I was convinced I'd ebf, just because I chose to! It seems like a choice when you haven't had the choice taken away from you and then you realise it isn't always a question of choice.

I did manage to exclusively pump for dc2 for an entire year, so it was a lack of effort or commitment to breastfeeding, it just didn't work for us for a number of reasons.

It is a little irksome when someone who has successfully EBFed without problems says something like, "you probably aren't the exception, almost everyone can breastfeed, you just didn't try hard enough" . Yawn. Those people are actually being pretty ignorant imo. I only see it online, thankfully!

Never in my life have I seen any comments saying 'you didn't try hard enough'. I've seen posts relating to how normal infant behaviour can influence mothers choices and calls for more education/normalising of bfing, I've seen calls for more bf support for people who want to feed and have come across difficulties or switched to ff when their choice would have been to continue bfing. If you have then I am very sorry to hear that. It's a shame that among the support and education people feel personally attacked. If it's any consolation bfing mums feel attacked and judged all the time. From my experience from keyboard warriors too... talking about how it's disgusting, should be done behind closed doors etc, but never had a single comment in person luckily.

I have no issue at all with how anyone chooses to feed their child. My only issue tends to be how a lot of ff mum are upset they didn't get to bf so don't want bfing pushed down their necks... whereas I think the narrative needs to change. Bf support and education is as much about those that didn't reach their goals as those that did. So new mums can learn and make informed decisions and push for more support so the cycle can end. If people choose to ff then that's their choice and shouldn't need to be justified.

So many of these replies just go to show how poor information and support about breastfeeding is in this country. So many women stop breastfeeding because they’re worried their babies aren’t getting enough milk. It’s so easy to see where that fear comes from - you never know how much they’ve taken on any given feed, and breastfed babies often feed little and (very) often which can make it seem like they’re dissatisfied and hungry. Compared to formula where you know exactly how much they’ve had and you can compare it to a recommendation for how much they should be having, breastfeeding can feel like a leap of faith that your body is doing what it should.

It’s a great shame, because the number of women who can’t / don’t produce enough milk is very low. Most women do make enough, even if their supply isn’t immediately established. It would be great if more women could be supported to have that faith that their bodies know what to do and are producing exactly what their babies need.

@ChameleonKola

I think it's also worth mentioning that even with all of the support and services in the world, a percentage of people simply cannot breastfeed/don't produce enough milk, and it isn't their fault. Perhaps with support you'd have been able to continue breastfeeding, but there's no real way of knowing that, so try not to think too many 'what if' and 'if only's. There's no way of knowing whether you'd have been able to continue if things had been different.

While I agree you often never know until you try. I was told not to bother by a midwife as I didn’t have enough breast tissue apparently (I have pcos and a thyroid problem that means breast tissue doesn’t develop properly) but I tried anyway and when I expressed I was expressing 100ml every 20mins which is huge. The problem wasn’t my breasts or breastmilk at all but my DS severe tongue tie which the NHS wouldn’t find, treat, or diagnose until a very high ranking midwife in the NHS (and my lactation consultant) managed to push the tests through. It finally got fixed when he was 12 weeks old but that was three months of him hurting me.

If more babies had this check as standard I’m sure the small number of women who try to breastfeed initially and then stop due to pain would have a better experience.

Never in my life have I seen any comments saying 'you didn't try hard enough'

It is heavily, heavily implied on numerous threads on here and elsewhere. It is definitely the minority though, but extremely counter productive.

As someone who did indeed breastfeed and publicly too with massive, clumsy boobs and all, I also find people judging breastfeeding mothers terrible. Neither is right. Both happen ime.

It’s because even though formula usage is a very common, normal thing, the incessant promotion of ‘breast is best’ across all situations, regardless of personal circumstance, leads to a tonne of shame and guilt. It’s appalling that formula use is seen as an inferior option and mums who use it are treated like they’re doing the bare minimum for their baby.

But I think it's a bit more complicated than that, because at the same time formula is often presented as a superior option in practical terms, and people get really angry if anyone questions that (as the OP has found). Women are told a lot that formula will solve every problem they have - and the two things are of course interwoven, as that's what seems to underlie some of the judgement of formula, the idea that it's 'the easy option', which is an advertisement as much as it is a condemnation. So I don't think it's true that formula feeding is straightforwardly vilified and breastfeeding is always held up as the best possible thing.

You are rather clever, @Hardbackwriter

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a well articulated post.

Sorry, I feel like I should have a green pen to write that, but really, extremely well said.

It’s a personal choice

However I’ve got positive stories with formula feed. I was in hospital for nearly a year and had my child of not taken a bottle. We’d of been stuck!

I’m grateful my husband could help. I’m grateful that I didn’t have to watch what I ate. Because of my child’s allergies. I wish I could of breastfed. However I had a bleed on my brain. So I wasn’t able to lactate as my pituitary was affected.

@Dustypinks

I don’t really mean won’t take a bottle when it’s cold or hot - just that I get get him to take a bottle when he’s had one. So if he is very tired or upset,he won’t just go on the breast (obviously, as he isn’t BF!) as BF babies will for comfort.

They don't always do that, either. Or at least one of mine didn't.

The only thing that comforted her was doing hundreds of miles a night in the car, desperately trying to time gear changes so that we didn't get caught by traffic lights or she'd wake up instantly and carry on shrieking for another 3 hours, have a feed, then start shrieking again. It was just as well I wasn't doing the driving because I was hallucinating half the time through that winter.

I felt heavily judged by hcps who presumably were meant to be caring for me and my baby postnatally, but I think postnatal care is pretty dire anyway and doesn't help. Whatever initiatives they currently have obviously aren't working as bfing rates are still very low, and it seems to have caused a horrible division where discussions like this often get heated.

I think when people say that women physically not being able to breastfeed is really rare they forget that breastfeeding involves skill from 2 people. Lots of babies can't breastfeed at all or find it difficult. Many babies can't breastfeed well enough to get enough milk to grow and thrive. However when people go on about how it's really rare to not have enough milk, the fact that not all babies can breastfeed is rarely mentioned.

@elliejjtiny this is true. I had tonnes of milk with my first, he just couldn't stay latched on. Probably due to his horrible rotational forceps delivery, his wee face was sore for 6 weeks