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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to say women living with men don't own toolboxes

251 replies

54321nought · 23/08/2021 10:17

straw poll!

I don't really know if this is true, I just want to see what the response is on here!

YABU - I live with a man, and I own a toolbox, or share equal ownership of the household toolbox

YANBU - I live with a man, and the toolbox in our household is his property, or mostly viewed as his property

If you don't live with a man, please don't vote! Although, please comment as much as you like.

This is one YABU that I am hoping to "lose"!

Thank you

OP posts:

Blurp · 23/08/2021 10:18

On app so can't vote, but YABU. Toolbox is shared, but mostly mine. DH uses a hammer or screwdriver from time to time, but the power tools are all mine.

AphroditeGoddessOfLove · 23/08/2021 10:19

My husband is a builder so we have a tool cupboard that we share but before him I always had my own tools. Not power tools just hand ones because power tools are expensive. For a while when we were first together I did have my own tool box but he kept "borrowing" from it and I never got the tools back so now we just share.

Newchallenge · 23/08/2021 10:19

I own the hammer but everything else is his. Unless you count garden tools?

SoupDragon · 23/08/2021 10:20

I had a toolbox when I lived with a man. Why wouldn't I?

I have voting turned off so can't vote though.

SoupDragon · 23/08/2021 10:20

And yes, they were my tools.

FlipFlops4Me · 23/08/2021 10:22

I have a tool box, and add to it when I see something I like. I just bought a new tenon saw, and a new stubby screwdriver with multiple bits. I expect to use both of them too. It's me that puts flat pack furniture together in our house and it's me who deals with loose hinges, stiff drawers that need waxing or planing etc. I'd be horrified if I was told I couldn't keep my tools - some of them came from my dad's toolbox and I remember him using them. They're still perfectly good.

I don't know whether men have assumed ownership of tasks that require tools - or whether both partners have made the assumption that "It's a man's job".

What happens if you're left alone - do you get a neighbour or friend to do these things for you?

ANameChangeAgain · 23/08/2021 10:22

A tool box is just household equipment, isn't it? If I need a screwdriver I just dive into "the" toolbox, not "his" toolbox.

PolytheneRam · 23/08/2021 10:23

I had a tool box before we got together but it's become obsolete. DH is a tradesman and has many thousands of pounds worth of equipment in his workshop

Seeline · 23/08/2021 10:23

The actual tool box is DHs in that he owned it before we moved in together, but I have equal access. I also have my own mini tool kit which I got when DCs were small as I was constantly needing small tools to get into toys to change batteries, mend bits etc and it was easier to access than finding the tool box in the cupboard of doom AKA the cupboard under the stairs
He tends to use the power tools, mainly because I have a bad back and find lifting anything vaguely heavy difficult.

lifeissweet · 23/08/2021 10:24

I had my own tools when I got married, but they then amalgamated - because it's just household stuff, isn't it? Like cooking utensils?

I took my own back when we divorced, though.

PoppityPop · 23/08/2021 10:24

I have a toolbox and use it. My DH doesn’t even know what a toolbox is.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 23/08/2021 10:24

Officially its his. I can use anything I need to use in though... like the hamners, screwdrivers, Allen keys etc.

I have no idea what some of the items are though.

In a stereotypical way...its the same as my baking cupboard. He can use anything he wants to in it. But has no idea what half of it is.

We share basic cooking and DIY but he knows more DIY than me and I know more cooking.

FlipFlops4Me · 23/08/2021 10:24

Just to add that I do have a dh and he has always been happy for me to do these things. More so now that he is unable to deal with them, but I'm so glad I learned how before he became disabled!

ikeepseeingit · 23/08/2021 10:24

I bought them (well, a lot of them) and he uses them 🤣 I would also use them but some of the power tools are big and bulky, and I prefer to wait until he can do it for me. I’m quite happy to pick up a hammer or tile a bathroom though.

sbhydrogen · 23/08/2021 10:25

The majority of tools in our house are mine. My DH is adding more and more, but I'm still the main tool breadwinner 😉

YesItsMeIDontCare · 23/08/2021 10:25

I have two toolboxes

DH has the bigger tools and more of them, but fiddly shit and flat pack is very much my department. I also own the magic screwdriver which DH has to ask for very nicely and return promptly. Believe me, hell knows no fury like a woman who's magic screwdriver is not in its rightful place.

MintyCedric · 23/08/2021 10:25

Haha! My mum is 82 and was married to my dad for 2 days short of 47 year when he passed away.

He wouldn't have known where the tool box was,let alone what to do with the majority of the contents.

She was fixing the family car with the aid of a Haynes manual in her fifties and replacing oven parts with the help of YouTube well into her seventies.

In the few months since my dad has passed away she's redecorated his former bedroom and got to grips with a pressure washer to clean the patio.

My XH and I were jointly responsible for the tool box but I always did the majority of the DIY, and have acquired a far more extensive set of gadgets and gizmos since moving into my own place 3.5 years ago.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 23/08/2021 10:25

DH certainly believes the tool box is his sole property. Admittedly pre-living together I only own two tools - a hammer for putting pictures up, and a small screwdriver - but he nicked them and put them away. I keep stealing them back, he keeps finding them and "putting them away for safe keeping", I shout at him for a bit about how they were perfectly safe in the place they were, but - and more importantly - accessible to me in a way his secret squirrel toolbox isn't, and I steal them back and find a new hiding place for them.

Then the cycle repeats itself....

BananaMilkshakeWithCream · 23/08/2021 10:25

I’ve ticked YANBU but only because it’s factually correct in our household. I just absolutely loathe DIY 😂 I’m sure if I loved it then I’d have my own toolbox, but I don’t so that’s that.

HurryUpAndStandThere · 23/08/2021 10:26

No ownership of tools or toolboxes here. They just sit in the cupboard under the stairs waiting for either of us to use.

Ponoka7 · 23/08/2021 10:26

I've voted for when I lived with my DH. They were his tools. But he was a skilled floorlayer and plumber and had been taught most jobs by qualified male relatives. So my attempts would be a DIY botched job compared to his. My eldest DD tends to do the diy in her house and for her friends.

Socksey · 23/08/2021 10:26

Married 20+ years to a man... tool shed and its contents are mine...
I do a the DIY and car stuff etc... he wouldn't know a tool if it walked up to him and slapped him about the face 🙄😔

MonkeyPuddle · 23/08/2021 10:27

Tool box is shared, it’s mine really, I brought it when we moved in. The jam jar of rusty screws is his though.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 23/08/2021 10:28

I own and grinder and a sander and all sorts of tools!!
You don't need a penis to use a power tool!!

Thebookswereherfriends · 23/08/2021 10:28

My partner bought me my own tool bag with tools one Christmas! He has a lot of tools for his work, but they are often in his car and the ones in the shed were a bit rubbish, so he got me my own! I was so pleased!

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