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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say women living with men don't own toolboxes

251 replies

54321nought · 23/08/2021 10:17

straw poll!

I don't really know if this is true, I just want to see what the response is on here!

YABU - I live with a man, and I own a toolbox, or share equal ownership of the household toolbox

YANBU - I live with a man, and the toolbox in our household is his property, or mostly viewed as his property

If you don't live with a man, please don't vote! Although, please comment as much as you like.

This is one YABU that I am hoping to "lose"!

Thank you

OP posts:
AlmostSummer21 · 23/08/2021 11:31

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal

DH certainly believes the tool box is his sole property. Admittedly pre-living together I only own two tools - a hammer for putting pictures up, and a small screwdriver - but he nicked them and put them away. I keep stealing them back, he keeps finding them and "putting them away for safe keeping", I shout at him for a bit about how they were perfectly safe in the place they were, but - and more importantly - accessible to me in a way his secret squirrel toolbox isn't, and I steal them back and find a new hiding place for them.

Then the cycle repeats itself....Confused

I know what I'd do with the hammer!

Might need a new spade first though!

stargirl1701 · 23/08/2021 11:32

YABU

We have a toolbox each. It comes from both owning our properties many years before meeting one another.

AngusThermopyle · 23/08/2021 11:42

Nope YABU. I own the most tools/power tools in the house and am far better at diy than DH. 😀

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/08/2021 11:44

Toolbox is 95% used by dh, though I will use a hammer or screwdriver now and then, and used the electric screwdriver to remove umpteen horrible, tightly fixed handles from a whole wall of wardrobes before replacing them.

OTOH I can say hand on heart that he’s never once felt the need to use anything out of my sewing basket! Let alone my sewing machine. Funny, that….

mrsm43s · 23/08/2021 11:46

We have tools. We both use them.
We have a washing machine, a cooker, a vacuum cleaner. We both use them.

I'm very slightly disabled, and not strong enough to do certain DIY tasks (e.g. don't have the shoulder strength to drill into our main walls (the plasterboard ones in the extension are just about doable), so DH does tend to do the heavier work, but that's due to ability not sex. But I certainly use the tape measure, screwdriver, spanner, pliers, decorating equipment etc as needed to do whatever needs doing.

cupofdecaf · 23/08/2021 12:08

When my DH moved in he was surprised at how many tools I had. He was actually embarrassed when we compared power drills and my brother had recently bought me the same one he had. My hammer is still the best one we have.

What has really surprised us both is a mini tool kit someone bought me as a present. Everything in it is scaled down and pink. We (sarcastically) call it 'the lady took kit'. It gets used far more than any of the other bits because it's got handy tiny stuff like mini screwdrivers and Alan keys which are handy for all sorts.

Notimeforaname · 23/08/2021 12:09

My father cant do a tap of DIY.
Never could.
T'is mother who bought and owns the all tools/DIY equipment in their marriage Smile

My partner is a tradesman so came with all his own tools 🤣

BeauxRingarde · 23/08/2021 12:11

YABU. I have a toolbox, DH does not. He is totally useless at anything DIY, and isn't allowed to touch power tools.
He's very pretty though and makes the tea and sandwiches.

(Also he does all of the laundry)

ShinySquirrel · 23/08/2021 12:12

YABU, the toolbox is mine. DH is useless at DIY. All the tools are mine, the box is mine, everything is mine.

N0tfinished · 23/08/2021 12:18

I asked for one as a housewarming gift from my parents. That was 17 yrs ago & it's been very useful. I wouldn't consider it mine though. It's just the toolbag

trancepants · 23/08/2021 12:21

I was the tool owner and user in my marriage. XH hadn't a fucking clue how to use a tool properly. Which is weird when he is such a massive tool himself!

AmandaHugenkiss · 23/08/2021 12:26

Always had my own tools including power tools. DP is actually a tradesman, and has loads. They are now the household tools.

I am completely capable of most general household stuff but tend not to now, as DP is essentially an expert and has particularly high standards/enjoys DIY. Small jobs he does himself, big jobs we both do.

lunar1 · 23/08/2021 12:26

On the app so can't vote, DH wouldn't have a clue what to do with any of the tools in our house!

AllTheSingleLadiess · 23/08/2021 12:29

Yabu
I use the tools when I need them. I am not going to wait for my h to come home 🤣

My teenagers use the toolbox too. They are encouraged to do things like build flat pack and can use simple tools like electric drill, hammer and screwdriver

QueenPeary · 23/08/2021 12:30

I was the tool owner and user in my marriage. XH hadn't a fucking clue how to use a tool properly. Which is weird when he is such a massive tool himself!

Yup - got rid of one large tool, kept the good ones :o

Pedalpushers · 23/08/2021 12:32

I live with a man and I don't think we even have a toolbox...

AllTheSingleLadiess · 23/08/2021 12:32

@beigebrownblue

Not allowed to vote, as I don't live with a man.

I always wish I had learned more about DIY (and had a tool box). When my dad was alive, he encouraged me, but I ended up being over fifty divorced, etc not knowing how to put a shelf up even.

So mid fifties I decided it was time to learn.
A month ago I bought myself a power screwdriver.
Not a big deal for some people, but scary for me.

Since being divorced i've had to tackle many technical issues myself.

So I have drawers with tools now. Of my own.

I have a DD as you know and feel it is really important to learn these things.

Wish I hadn't waited so long as it is harder when you are older. But still..

Well done all who have tool boxes, with or without a fella.

Divorce helped me improve my skills too.

My YouTube history is full of "How to..." videos so I can gauge whether to DIY or call a tradesperson.

HadEnoughOfBears · 23/08/2021 12:35

@ANameChangeAgain

A tool box is just household equipment, isn't it? If I need a screwdriver I just dive into "the" toolbox, not "his" toolbox.
Same
CoffeeWithCheese · 23/08/2021 12:35

DH's toolbox = missing the hammer, half the screwdriver bits are lost too. Generally shit.

My toolbox = guarded as DH keeps using the screwdriver bits out of it to replace the ones HE lost.

He does have a man crap cupboard where he keeps all the random half sets of screws and things he's acquired.

BogRollBOGOF · 23/08/2021 12:37

I'll use screwdrivers and pliers as needed, but DH is the main tool user/ DIYer. He has more strength and grip for heavier jobs and technical skills in plumbing and electrics. Other jobs, I'll do things like painting and tiling so there is joint effort. I do more DIY than my dad did!

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 23/08/2021 12:39

We have several. I feel I can lay claim to at least 2 as one was bought for me when I went to University and the second I inherited from my Dad. DIY tends to be a family project now the kids are a bit older and keen. Three year old dd is especially fond of a bit of hammering. However I've done plenty by myself over the years.

I also have a mini screwdriver set/pliers etc in my "going out with kids for the day" bag just in case!

whatswithtodaytoday · 23/08/2021 12:39

Tool box is shared but I don't really use it, I have zero interest in DIY and power tools and would hire someone to do jobs or ask a more capable friend if I didn't live with a man.

However, I have a ton of garden tools that he wouldn't know what to do with. They're so much more interesting than drills!

Pinkywoo · 23/08/2021 12:40

@Ariela the worst part is if something did ever reappear from the black hole van it would be covered in plaster!

QueenOfCatan · 23/08/2021 12:40

YABU. We have generic tools and we each have tool collections for our jobs, his being small electrical equipment and mine saws and loppers and things for outdoors. He uses the generic stuff more than I do but we both use it all as needed.

icedcoffees · 23/08/2021 12:40

We have a family tool box/drawer. If something needs doing and I'm home, I'll do it.

That said, DH is a plasterer/tiler by profession and if something like that needed doing, I would leave it to him because it would be far better quality than if I tried it!