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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy the same item as a close friend?

389 replies

lucyli · 23/08/2021 05:53

Firstly I apologise that this is the epitome of a first world problem. I acknowledge I am fortunate to have this problem and that there are many bigger things to worry about.

I have decided to make a high-end purchase from a well-known brand. I've never done this before but am at the stage in my life where I would like to do so.

I spend a long while researching, chose what I wanted and planned to head to the shops in a few days.

Was just chatting to a close friend and it turns out she has the exact same item and is annoyed that I'd buy the same and said she'd rather I didn't. I wasn't aware of this before.

I struggle to understand this mentality as it's not something that would concern me at all the other way around.

Her argument is that she didn't spend all that money, just to have someone close to her have the exact same item.

AIBU to buy it anyway? I was so pleased with the idea of having it and was excited to buy it.

OP posts:
AramintaLee · 23/08/2021 10:34

Same sort of thing happened to me. I wanted a specific car in a specific colour. I was saving up for it and made the mistake of telling my friend who then went out and got the exact car I wanted, right down to the colour. She was like "you can still get it" but it totally ruined it for me.

I ended up getting a different car and loved it so would advise you to look for something else.

VQ1970 · 23/08/2021 10:35

www.mulberry.com/gg/shop/bayswater/bayswater-tote-mulberry-green-small-classic-grain

The Mulberry Bayswater Tote is much, much nicer in my opinion - would this work for you?

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 23/08/2021 10:46

@Dogoodfeelgood

The Saint Laurent shopping bags are gorgeous and I think more chic than the neverfull!
Agree but the straps are flimsy and its crap vs NF.

I was chastised by an angry frenchman when i returned mine for "putting many things" in my bag. "It is not designed for this" apparently 🙄
Fantastique....

isthisareverse · 23/08/2021 10:48

@Eclairesarethebest

Your friend isn't really a friend. She's being petty. "You can't have what I have" is such a child's mentality.
only a child would buy the same item as a friend frankly.

Again, a white tshirt or a bag to add to your collection and would use once in a blue moon wouldn't matter, but an expensive bag that you intend to use everyday? Petty and silly.

MintyGreenDream · 23/08/2021 10:49

You said it first so you get to buy it.Wink

Dogoodfeelgood · 23/08/2021 10:51

The celine medium cabas in triomphe is exactly like the never full and so sturdy, but I can’t find it anywhere online? How odd. Not even on vestaire.

nameisnotimportant · 23/08/2021 10:51

I wouldn't buy it. The bag is tainted now and you will feel nervous about using it around her and you won't enjoy it. I would just pick a better bag to be honest

Dogoodfeelgood · 23/08/2021 10:51

@LivingLaVidaBabyShower darn! Good to know though.

TheRealMrsMorningstar · 23/08/2021 10:53

@fourminutestosavetheworld

I personally wouldn't buy it now. Your friend has made it clear that part of the appeal for her is having something special and unique amongst the friendship group.

I don't understand it myself, but presumably she wants people to be impressed and covetous when they see it and this impact will be lessened if you are standing there with the same item.

Regardless, if you're really her friend, you won't want her to be upset about this. She has asked you not to buy it so don't.

If you buy it, she will like you a little bit less. She will also tell everyone she bought it first and you will look like you copied her, which is a bit sad.

I would buy something equally wonderful, but different, and demonstrate good friend credentials and a bit of originality.

And if the "friend" was a real friend then she would be pleased that the OP was about to treat herself to something that gave her joy!

Personally I would buy the bag and ditch the friend!

Dumpling89 · 23/08/2021 10:55

YANBU

If you like the item no one should dictate whether you buy it or not. You have the same taste, so what?
Bags (alongside everything you see in the shops) are in mass reproduction for the very reason that many people will want to buy the product.

luckylavender · 23/08/2021 10:57

I wouldn't buy it now. Too weird.

Lweji · 23/08/2021 10:58

As others have said, it's such a boring popular design and copied so much that it will hardly register to anyone that you have similar bags.

It's not even something you're likely to take to an event where "unique" clothing is expected. I'd say it's a functional bag that you can take everywhere.

Having said that, and looking at the LV website, you can choose from different patterns.
But, I don't particularly like the bag. It's too big not to have compartments and it will be a big mess inside.
And it's too much an on your face brand bag.

You can probably find a nicer, more understated leather bag elsewhere, if you want style and quality over brand.

BeauxRingarde · 23/08/2021 10:59

Her argument is that she didn't spend all that money, just to have someone close to her have the exact same item

But what batshit thinking leads her to believe she has any control over that

tenredthings · 23/08/2021 10:59

Buy a very cheap copy just to troll her and spend the money on something else !

ddl1 · 23/08/2021 11:02

I think your friend is being silly - the value and attractiveness of an item shouldn't depend on whether someone else has it. However, since she has asked you not to get the same as her, it would be kind of you to fall in with her wishes - could you find something that's similar but not identical?

Seeingadistance · 23/08/2021 11:04

@Lougle

I clearly have no taste because, having googled it, that looks like something you could get at the local market for £20. I'd save your £1000 and buy something else Grin
This!
FreeBritnee · 23/08/2021 11:05

That's a ubiquitous bag! I'd honestly see it and assume it was a fake. Why not post on S&B and come up with something far nicer around the same price point?

MsHedgehog · 23/08/2021 11:06

@MintyGreenDream

You said it first so you get to buy it.Wink
I don’t know if that’s true. First OP said she knew her friend had the bag. And then she said she knew she had a LV bag that she bought recently but not the NF. So sounds like the friend actually said it first.
isthisareverse · 23/08/2021 11:14

Life is too short to stick to one handbag if you ask me. Grin

MsHedgehog · 23/08/2021 11:14

On a separate note, others do raise a good point about people thinking LVs are fake. My first high end designer bag was LV. A friend’s friend saw me with it a dinner and was convinced it was a fake, saying that her sister buys them and so she can tell mine is a fake. Her reasoning - the beige handles and outline on mine was actually beige, rather then brown...which was because mine was brand new and not discoloured. So clearly her sister had been buying the fakes!

Intothevoid3 · 23/08/2021 11:18

Buy the Neverfull, but get it personalised by LV. Your bag will be yours, absolutely, and much more interesting than an off the peg one!
Your ‘friend’ can become an acquaintance.

Claricestarling1 · 23/08/2021 11:18

I’d definitely buy it, she’s being ridiculous! Could you choose a different lining from the one she has to make it a little different if you are worried? Personally I would just buy the one you love and enjoy it! Lovely choice by the way, I have this one with the pink lining and love it! X

beigebrownblue · 23/08/2021 11:22

Just tell here 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery' and have a laugh about it.

WeAreTheHeroes · 23/08/2021 11:23

Over the years I've bought numerous things identical to those a friend has. Neither of us copies the other - we've met up and been wearing the same coat or boots, etc - we just have similar taste, budgets and builds.

Your friend is daft to take umbridge at you buying something because she has it. If she wants unique she should have it tailor made just for her. You do of course know that if you go ahead and buy it too she'll fall out with you and paint you as some Single White Female psycho to anyone who'll listen. Up to you what you choose to do, but should you stay friends never, ever tell her what you're planning to buy. If she has the same thing, so what - you bought it first.

RampantIvy · 23/08/2021 11:28

Regardless, if you're really her friend, you won't want her to be upset about this. She has asked you not to buy it so don't.

And if this woman was really the OP's friend she wouldn't be upset if the OP had the same bag.

Quite frankly, I find this kind of behaviour childish and petty. She is behaving like a 6 year old, not a grown woman - a kind of "I saw it first" stamps foot. Just pathetic.