To buy the same item as a close friend?

[lucyli]

Firstly I apologise that this is the epitome of a first world problem. I acknowledge I am fortunate to have this problem and that there are many bigger things to worry about.

I have decided to make a high-end purchase from a well-known brand. I've never done this before but am at the stage in my life where I would like to do so.

I spend a long while researching, chose what I wanted and planned to head to the shops in a few days.

Was just chatting to a close friend and it turns out she has the exact same item and is annoyed that I'd buy the same and said she'd rather I didn't. I wasn't aware of this before.

I struggle to understand this mentality as it's not something that would concern me at all the other way around.

Her argument is that she didn't spend all that money, just to have someone close to her have the exact same item.

AIBU to buy it anyway? I was so pleased with the idea of having it and was excited to buy it.

[quote SavoyCabbage]I have a bag made from old firehoses, I have not had it long so I can't speak for how durable it will be, but it's survived being dragged about as firehose for many years before being turned into a bag so I'm guessing it will be good. It's a fraction of the cost of your bag, looks great, has a bit of individuality about it, and is big enough to fit everything I want and need to carry (and more). I definitely recommend it so far. I opted for one that still has printing on it as I felt it added a bit of character, and I love it. It's from a company called Elvis and Kresse and they donate 50% of their profit back into charities for firefighters. They have a great range so well worth a look.

These are lovely @SnoopyLights and not at all what I expected when I looked.

Here is a link

www.elvisandkresse.com/collections/womens-bags[/quote]
Wow these are nice! Thank you for the link, I also would not have looked it up based on the description. Reasonable prices too.

OP not designer, but from a practicality point of view, I’ve got Reiss large leather totes to carry everything.

@peanutbear

I have one. Very practical still going strong after 10 years of daily use. I bought mine purely because it fits everything I need in one bag and I'm not a handbag fan. I don't think a friend can dictate your choice in bag. have you chosen the same design and colour? If not just buy it.

Come on, you must be a bit of a handbag fan to spend that amount of money on one. Otherwise an Ikea bag would fit your brief, I've got one that's twenty years old and as good as new!

At least she knows about it before you bought it. I went travelling with someone many years ago who had gone out and bought exactly the same clothes that I had shown her when I bought them. Ended up having to check what she was wearing before l got dressed in the morning otherwise we'd have looked like clones. Creepy and weird!

That's a really common bag to have. Practical and beautiful. This is batshit. If she wants to be SOOOOO unique, she can have custom made bags and that's that. Unless you have form for copying her fashion choices, I wouldn't bat an eyelid

People often choose an expensive bag or designer item so that others can see it, and they can be a bit unique. The uniqueness is lost if other people have it too.

Of course, most items are owned by lots of people but when there is a limited number, it’s unlikely to be a close friend.

Your friend wants to have an expensive bag that no-one around her has. She wants people to see it and say ‘oh I love your bag, where is it from’ or to recognise it as a designer bag from seeing it in magazines etc. If instead they say ‘like your bag, X has the same one doesn’t she’ then it becomes less special.

Personally I’m not bothered by this stuff or designer bags, but people are and they like to be unique. It’s also seen in the issue of choosing.p names for babies and how some people are very upset if someone else names their child the same name as they chose for theirs.

So Op, given you hadn’t bought the bag and friend expressed this view, I’d avoid buying the same one. If you’d already bought it, would be different, but you hadn’t.

@CheeseyMcCheeseface

It does have a mark of teenage BBFs if you go to a lot of places together.

This totally, I wouldn't want to look like we had decided on a 'uniform'

Just seen this is a popular very branded bag. It is known to be expensive.

In certain circles who are interested in these things, your friend would hope the bag would be spotted and fawned over, with people understanding she has spent a lot of money on it and her feeling this reflects well on her and gives her a certain image. That image is reduced and not so impressive if others in the same circle have it too.

Personally, I think heavily branded stuff is tacky and screams ‘look at me’ and is often bought by those who need to boost their self esteem by something like this, or a new car bought on lease, or designer trainers, or the latest phone, when in the other areas that might show genuine affluence, those people are lacking.

If you’re in a circle if people who are interested in designer gear or expensive branded flashy items, you probably understand feeling annoyed when your push-the-boat-out purchase is replicated by someone else and the thunder is halved or reduced even more.

Someone with an expensive bag that was more subtle and not so bling, and who had it just because they loved it and kept it for 30 years, might not be so bothered, because it’s not then about making a statement….or at least not about an obvious showy one.

I wouldn't get it. I don't think you friend is reasonable to ask you not to but it sounds like she has already spoiled the experience for you. Instead of feeling pleased with your purchase you'll end up feeling defensive and maybe a bit disappointed, No doubt she'll also feel sad when she thinks about it too, which might bother you, or it might not

Some people are funny about this, especially something special like a designer handbag. Can you choose a different colour? I think if she’s asked you not to, whilst it is annoying and I don’t think you’re unreasonable, is it really worth falling out with her over? Just get a different colour/style or brand. If it’s that common why don’t you spend your money on something less common like Celine instead of LV, for instance.

I hope you find something else you like.

I sympathise with your friend. You haven't bought the bag yet, so it's not difficult not to get it and go for something else.

There's nothing you can do, but it IS annoying when someone is copying you. A tshirt or a kettle don't matter, but an expensive handbag that you intend to use a lot? It's a bit childish to copy.

I have one of those bags OP so you better not copy me 🤣 Seriously though- get it if you want it OP. It's a popular bag.

There are so many bags to choose from, it is unreasonable to pretend it must the same one as a friend.

Regardless, if you're really her friend, you won't want her to be upset about this. She has asked you not to buy it so don't. FGS, it’s a bag. How petty do you have to be to get upset about someone owning the same bag as you. It’s not unique, the shops are full of them.

I would struggle to stay friends with someone who is quite that petty that she would tell someone she would prefer they didn’t buy a certain item because she has one.

Not as in I would end the friendship, but it would be so irritating that I would probably distance myself from it, because if she’s this petty about a bag, then she’s probably like that over other things as well and I just couldn’t be doing with it.

Friend needs to grow up and get a bloody grip.

Meanwhile I think you should go and buy the bag in every colour.

I saw my close friends Mulberry and i loved it! It was small enough for a night out but big enough to fit my purse and phone. I then went home, spoke to DH about buying one and then text her to ask her the exact type of her bag. She replied and said "go for it", like a normal person. Now we have the same bag and when we meet up, and have the same bag on, we cheers our matching bags.

My issue with a friend having the same one as me, particularly an in your face brand bag, is that people seeing you together with them would assume they were fake and that you bought them from the same Facebook seller. The rip off fakes spoil the genuine brands.

The Op has already researched and chosen the bag. She's not copying. She and her friend happen to like the same bag. It's not a unique item.

That said the Elvis & Kresse bags linked to are lovely and, in my opinion, much nicer.

I think you are both BVU to spend £1000 on a bag. It's literally just a bag. The only reason to buy it over a 'normal' bag is to impress other people as demonstrated by your friend who knows that her impressiveness will be watered down by you having the same bag.

@ANameChangeAgain

My issue with a friend having the same one as me, particularly an in your face brand bag, is that people seeing you together with them would assume they were fake and that you bought them from the same Facebook seller. The rip off fakes spoil the genuine brands.

Tbh I always assume this about LV bags anyway because the fakes are so prolific!

Just buy it, it’s only a bag, albeit an expensive one.

If you like the bag go buy it ignore her, as everyone says they are fairly common so its not just her that will have one. Plus there are different colours and sizes and you can your initials on them too. Personally ( i do love my bags and shoes) i wouldn't get one as they are quiet common plus they are very popular for the fake market ( a women in work gets fakes and three have the neverful fake bag ) i would get the graceful, similar sizes but more secure and not as common. But that's me. Have a look at Emma Hill and Emma Anders on Instagram and your tube. They are very good at talking about bags and the pros and cons of them. Plus Emma Hill good for sustainability and sourcing second hand. Buy the bag if you want

@Notonthestairs

The Op has already researched and chosen the bag. She's not copying. She and her friend happen to like the same bag. It's not a unique item.

That said the Elvis & Kresse bags linked to are lovely and, in my opinion, much nicer.

She hasn't bought it, her friend has. It IS now copying. Now she is free to decide if she cares or not about copying, but there are hundreds of designer bags around. Thousands of non-designer bags...

If there is so much agg and drama about a bag, you are spending way too much in it! It's a handbag

My issue with a friend having the same one as me, particularly an in your face brand bag, is that people seeing you together with them would assume they were fake and that you bought them from the same Facebook seller. The rip off fakes spoil the genuine brands.* do most people even care? I mean how many people actually notice which bag someone has.

Most people who actually notice either do so because they think the kinds of people who spend that kind of money on a bag are just pretentious poseurs, and the rest notice because they spend equal amounts of money on worthless stuff and it’s a case of oneupmanship.

But your average member of the public really couldn’t give a shit. Seriously. And the ones who are the posers probably think that the bag is fake whether one or two people own one because they probably all have fakes which they pass off as the genuine article as well…

The Saint Laurent shopping bags are gorgeous and I think more chic than the neverfull!

Ridiculous.
If you want the bag just buy it. Or buy something else.
Whatever.
Your friend buying a particular bag does not give her ownership of that particular bag.

Your friend isn't really a friend. She's being petty. "You can't have what I have" is such a child's mentality.