To buy the same item as a close friend?

[lucyli]

Firstly I apologise that this is the epitome of a first world problem. I acknowledge I am fortunate to have this problem and that there are many bigger things to worry about.

I have decided to make a high-end purchase from a well-known brand. I've never done this before but am at the stage in my life where I would like to do so.

I spend a long while researching, chose what I wanted and planned to head to the shops in a few days.

Was just chatting to a close friend and it turns out she has the exact same item and is annoyed that I'd buy the same and said she'd rather I didn't. I wasn't aware of this before.

I struggle to understand this mentality as it's not something that would concern me at all the other way around.

Her argument is that she didn't spend all that money, just to have someone close to her have the exact same item.

AIBU to buy it anyway? I was so pleased with the idea of having it and was excited to buy it.

[IntermittentParps]

we can't ensure we don't use it for the same event, but I struggle to understand why it would matter it we did.
Me too. I can't imagine a friend, especially a close one, being pissy with me over something like this.

[countrytown]

Absolutely fascinated by this! I'm mid 30s with lots of doctor, accountant, engineer type friends and I don't believe I know a single person with a designer bag, let alone multiple. What kind of age are you and are you in London, if you don't mind me asking?

Ime younger people tend to have a designer bag but not necessarily multiples. Probably heavily influenced by sm & also once you're in your 30s & in London all your money is funnelled into your mortgage & childcare if you have dc.

[MaidEdithofAragon]

She's being weird and controlling and immature. Buy it and enjoy it. Especially enjoy using it when she's around....I would!

[Daisy829]

Just buy it and enjoy it. I think they are lovely bags. My friends and I have bags that are the same it’s never an issue. Bit weird your friend thinks it is.

[rose69]

Give the money to charity and stop stressing

[FreekStar2]

If I knew, I wouldn't get the exact same handbag as a close friend.

There are so many options, just get a different one!

[Metabigot]

I wouldn't classify any friend who dictated what I should or shouldn't buy as a 'close' friend.
Fair enough if its the exact same dress you are going to wear to an event. But not a bag!

[saraclara]

If I saw someone with that bag, I'd assume it was a fake. It's like the whole Burberry thing of years ago.
I think your friend has done you a favour.

[NalPolishRemover]

I'm on your friends side I think. I've a friend who buys the same things as me & then feigns innocence that she never knew I had it first & pretends to everyone that she 'discovered' it. This applies to everything from bags to house decor.
It wears v v thin after a while

Those bags are really not my thing at all, I hate overtly branded stuff.

I think you should keep researching OP & get something more individual that still suits your requirements.

[SGChome20]

It sounds to me like your friend may have just realised that owning that bag does not set her apart from the rest as much as she thought.

[5128gap]

A bag, no I wouldn't, not exactly the same. But mainly because I'd feel a bit daft with the exact same bag as my friend if it's a noticable item, as though we had planned it like teenagers. Surely there are similar but not identical ones?

[MsHedgehog]

@MsHedgehog

Seeing as you knew she had bought it, and bought it recently, I’m actually wondering if you’ve been hugely influenced by her. That is how it seems to me. It’s very very coincidental that shortly after she buys it, you want the exact same bag too.

I have a close friend who does this...whenever I say I’m about to buy a certain designer handbag or accessory, she suddenly expresses interest in it too and wants it. I know imitation is the best form of flattery but it really annoys me. So if that’s the case, and judging by the fact that you want it only after she bought it, I see her point of view completely. Don’t be that person OP.

Putting this aside, and if my assumptions are wrong (though I’d be surprised if they are, as it seems too random you want the exact same bag not long after she buys it), don’t buy the LV Neverfull. It’s way too common and nothing special. It’s clearly a big purchase for you so go for something else.

[lucyli]

@MsHedgehog

Seeing as you knew she had bought it, and bought it recently, I’m actually wondering if you’ve been hugely influenced by her. That is how it seems to me. It’s very very coincidental that shortly after she buys it, you want the exact same bag too.

I have a close friend who does this...whenever I say I’m about to buy a certain designer handbag or accessory, she suddenly expresses interest in it too and wants it. I know imitation is the best form of flattery but it really annoys me. So if that’s the case, and judging by the fact that you want it only after she bought it, I see her point of view completely. Don’t be that person OP.

I know she'd been to that shop but not the bag she'd bought. We have completely different taste so it genuinely was pure coincidence.

[dworky]

Ridiculous behaviour. I would be reminding that person that purchasing something doesn't give anyone the right to own it alone.

[Rannva]

It's a tacky bag. Your tacky friend wants to show off with it. Let her by buying something more tasteful.

[copernicium]

I had a close friend who was absolutely raging with me when I brought a new car. Apparently, that's the car she always wanted and was going to buy when she passed her test and I ruined it

[MsHedgehog]

@NalPolishRemover

I'm on your friends side I think. I've a friend who buys the same things as me & then feigns innocence that she never knew I had it first & pretends to everyone that she 'discovered' it. This applies to everything from bags to house decor.
It wears v v thin after a while

Those bags are really not my thing at all, I hate overtly branded stuff.

I think you should keep researching OP & get something more individual that still suits your requirements.

With you on this. I have a close friend who does the same thing too. Not so much on house decor as she doesn’t have her own home yet, but she does it on bags, jewellery and even clothes, even though she used to have a very different sense of style to me. I love her to bits so I put it aside, but every now and then I do make a comment along the lines of “oh just like mine”, because it really bugs me!

[SunshineCake]

Does she want to be special for being able to afford one and now she isn't as you have one too? Are you not as good as her in her mind ?

[RealBecca]

The reason she is upset is she has spent £2k on a LOOK AT ME item and hopes people will make a bit of a fuss over her. You having the exact same, poss at same events, takes away from that.

[impostersong]

If I were spending that much on a bag (and I wouldn't) I would absolutely want it to be unique. Having the same as someone else is not special and I can totally see why she'd be annoyed. Much prefer that Gucci bag - go for that one, problem solved!!

[LittleMysSister]

I think you're friend is being a little harsh BUT also I'd rather buy a bag I can use all the time without having to think about whether she'll be there too. So this would have ruined it for me anyway and I'd choose another.

[NalPolishRemover]

@MrsHedgehog it's ok the first couple of times but it does wear v v thin I find.
The person I know has bought so many things the same as me - including bags from a small hard to find maker, perfume that's difficult to source where we live (so not tripping over in boots for instance) to entire colour schemes in their house inc a 3 piece suite. Buying art from the same artist (despite not knowing their work before coming across it through me!)
Then if anyone compliments/ notices she acts like she's discovered it all.
I've actually distanced myself a fair bit as it was getting pretty irritating tbh

[BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand]

@WiggIyWoo

Most women I know own at least a few of the well known classic designer handbags

Absolutely fascinated by this! I'm mid 30s with lots of doctor, accountant, engineer type friends and I don't believe I know a single person with a designer bag, let alone multiple. What kind of age are you and are you in London, if you don't mind me asking?

Same here - designer handbags aren't really a thing amongst my friends (most of whom are 30s/40s, child-free and earn well).

I do like the look of the Elvis and Kresse bags though - glad to hear they seem hard-wearing in the flesh, as I've contemplated getting one.

[LittleMysSister]

[quote NalPolishRemover]@MrsHedgehog it's ok the first couple of times but it does wear v v thin I find.
The person I know has bought so many things the same as me - including bags from a small hard to find maker, perfume that's difficult to source where we live (so not tripping over in boots for instance) to entire colour schemes in their house inc a 3 piece suite. Buying art from the same artist (despite not knowing their work before coming across it through me!)
Then if anyone compliments/ notices she acts like she's discovered it all.
I've actually distanced myself a fair bit as it was getting pretty irritating tbh[/quote]
I agree, had a friend like this at college and she would buy the exact same items as me so we'd often end up showing up for the day in the same clothes, which made us both look like idiots.

Naturally people like things that others buy and might go out and get them from time-to-time, but when it's almost every new thing your purchase it can be very frustrating.

Not saying this is OP btw!

[blueberrywaffle]

Op I had one of these (until my DD accidentally ruined it)
Was a brilliant bag, went with most outfits and fitted absolutely everything in, my oh always joked I could fit a body in their ! 🤣
Go get it. Their a common bag to have!
Il be getting a new one for Christmas, so don't copy me 🙄