To buy the same item as a close friend?

[lucyli]

Firstly I apologise that this is the epitome of a first world problem. I acknowledge I am fortunate to have this problem and that there are many bigger things to worry about.

I have decided to make a high-end purchase from a well-known brand. I've never done this before but am at the stage in my life where I would like to do so.

I spend a long while researching, chose what I wanted and planned to head to the shops in a few days.

Was just chatting to a close friend and it turns out she has the exact same item and is annoyed that I'd buy the same and said she'd rather I didn't. I wasn't aware of this before.

I struggle to understand this mentality as it's not something that would concern me at all the other way around.

Her argument is that she didn't spend all that money, just to have someone close to her have the exact same item.

AIBU to buy it anyway? I was so pleased with the idea of having it and was excited to buy it.

There are a lot of handbags in the world, just choose another one.

Plus that Neverfull is going to be over, over, over so soon. They’re everywhere.

It does have a mark of teenage BBFs if you go to a lot of places together.

@peanutbear

I have one. Very practical still going strong after 10 years of daily use. I bought mine purely because it fits everything I need in one bag and I'm not a handbag fan. I don't think a friend can dictate your choice in bag. have you chosen the same design and colour? If not just buy it.

This is exactly why I want it. I like the design (and specifically don't like the other designs it comes in) and it's so durable and functional. It's just exactly what I'm in the market for.

Trying to browse for good alternatives but nothing catches me eye sadly.

V Neverfull - I had to Google it but I too have seen them everywhere. It will probably turn out like Burberry plaid in the 90s and soon be common as muck.

Just googled it..

2 grand for an ugly brown bag…yabu

But yanbu to get one you want even if your friend doesn’t want you to

I'd buy it. It's not for a friend to police what handbag you buy. Perhaps if you were both going to a wedding and you bought the exact same outfit, she might have a point, but unless you live in each other's pocket, most of the time she won't be side-by-side with you touting an identical bag.

I might be wide-of-the-mark here but is she one of those friends who always has to go on better? Does she feel her expensive purchase is devalued because lowly-little-you can afford one too?

I had a friend like that, and I eventually cottoned onto her mindset - she didn't stay a friend.

I've something similar from Coach. £147 reduced from over £300. Much less identifying and imo the subtlety is more classy. Soo many LV bags, so many knock offs. I'd buy something else for that reason alone.

Buy it. Why shouldn't you? Okay so your friend has got one but so has goodness knows how many other people. I recently bought quite a niche item, whatsapped a photo of it to some friends and they've now all bought one too. DS1 also wanted one and I went to the shop to get him one for Christmas and the sales person said they were amazed at how many they were selling. Unless it's a bespoke handbag, other people will have them too so ignore your friend, buy it and enjoy it.

I wouldn’t get it now as: a) A bag is not worth tainting a friendship over, and b) You might not enjoy the bag itself, knowing that it has upset your dear friend.
If it really is just the practicality that attracts you to it, rather than the branding, then just get a Longchamp. I think that LV stuff is so obviously branded and ubiquitous that it is no longer elegant.

Similar here, I bought a bag and then see lots of people have the same one.
I feel really awkward and although I have tried the word TESCO just won't come off.

I personally would go for something a bit more timeless/classic. The Neverfull is a current trend bag which will go out of fashion (to a degree). Years ago a partner bought me a Chloe Paddington. But it was in/out of fashion so quickly it was a bit of a waste really. I still have it in a cupboard somewhere! Different if you are the type to buy a high end bag frequently, but if it’s a one off go for something that will last. So with that in mind, no I wouldn’t buy the same bag as your friend.

I had a friend who did this, she often bought things I had and it is so frustrating. Note the word had - past tense. I now have friends who have their own style and who don’t feel the need to be the same as me. I’d honestly be gutted if a friend bought the same £2k handbag I’d bought, especially LV as it will make them look like you picked them up from a fake stand together.

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Similar here, I bought a bag and then see lots of people have the same one. I feel really awkward and although I have tried the word TESCO just won't come off.

She is being unreasonable. But that bag does look really tacky.

Buy it. Your friend should be pleased you both have the same taste. I regularly end up buying the same as my friend even though we never discuss beforehand what we are buying. We just laugh about it afterwards. 😂

Another one here who just doesn't get the appeal of handbags like this. I don't like the colour, I think the design is ugly and I don't like logos on anything (since my teenage years of having "BENETTON" emblazoned across my chest). I like pretty, high street bags in different colours that can be durable but even when not, can be replaced at a fraction of the price.

Just get something else, OP. Yes, these bags are ubiquitous, which means your friends is daft to be being so precious about it, but by the same token you're also being daft to buy one.
As pps have said, these bags are so common now that anyone carrying one looks like they've got it for 20 quid off Bury Market (a la Burberry in the 90s). If you have that money for a bag, buy something genuinely elegant, classy, and a bit different?

Just buy it. You want to buy it and so you should. It's only a handbag.

Don't buy it. You will never feel right about it now. The good is gone out of it. Either wait until the novelty has worn off for her and she won't care or buy an equally nice or even nicer one. I understand why she wouldn't like you to have the same one and think it's strange you don't get that.

It's a bag. And we can't ensure we don't use it for the same event, but I struggle to understand why it would matter it we did.

It's annoying as you weren't copying but I do think it matters. If a close friend had a bag I wanted though I would probably go off it as if paying a lot for something you want a bit of exclusivity.

I’m one of those people that hates having the same things as other people BUT I tend to buy pieces that aren’t too popular. I’d say mine is more a copying issue too as In if I have something new and then a friend buys it after seeing mine I feel annoyed, I guess I feel that there are so many items out there to choose from why buy exactly the same as me. However if it’s a very popular bag that lots of people have then your friend can’t really be surprised that someone else she knows wants it. I’d prob want it less if a friend had it though. Is there a very similar one you could get? Like slightly different size, shape, colour?

I struggle to understand why anyone would pay that amount of money for an ordinary looking bag.

I don't really get designer anything. SiL says it's because I can afford them so I have a choice whereas for others it's an aspiration and an achievement when they buy them.

I don't think it's that simple. I just don't like throwing money away when there are reasonably priced alternatives.

Another one that thought they had never seem one but after a Google realise they are on the arm of every school kid here. A bit like the MK bags a few years ago, I'd just assume it was fake.

But you are NBU if you want to buy it, maybe hers is fake?

If it's something like a LV tote bag though then fair enough as not exclusive at all.

ha just read the update