Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do about this gift

379 replies

summersending · 22/08/2021 10:43

Last week a relative rang me in great excitement to tell me he’d found the perfect present for me. It was gift vouchers for a health type place. I did gently try to dissuade him but he was so sure he’d found the perfect present it seemed a bit mean to, so I thought it would be about £30, £40 tops, and I could just have a massage or something.

So the gift vouchers arrived and they are for £300 Shock

I really don’t know what to do.

On the one hand, I know if I reject them, he will be beyond hurt. He has ASD, high functioning but still - he’s desperate to have got something right. I feel like I should pretend to enjoy them.

But on the other it feels horrendously like taking advantage of someone’s vulnerability, although of course I haven’t. The problem is it’s one of those alternative health places and I don’t really have any interest in any of the things they offer.

So it’s a WWYD, really Sad

OP posts:
PropertyFlipper · 22/08/2021 15:14

Honestly OP, I mean this in the nicest of ways but most of us are busy. You’re not the first to have a child and have to navigate all that working motherhood entails. Surely the place offers more than acupuncture? Frankly when my DC were little I would have welcomed an hour to myself in a darkened room, whether it was a salon, health centre or police cell.

Original poster
summersending · 22/08/2021 15:16

Exactly yes. Most of us are busy. You think that means I should do something I don’t want to do?

Would you like it if I sent you vouchers for nude photography or to go and see Darius perform live (please tell me you’re not an avid fan)? Would you say ‘well everyone is busy so I had better go?’

OP posts:
romdowa · 22/08/2021 15:20

If you don't want to use it then you've three options

  1. Bin the vouchers
  2. Donate the vouchers
  3. Sell the vouchers.
Then tell your relative you used them and didn't find the treatments beneficial. Never seen anyone make such a fuss over some vouchers.
Clarice99 · 22/08/2021 15:20

Such a weird thread!

OP, it's abundantly clear that you're not being heard on here. You don't want to go, that should be it. The end. Finito. But no, there are countless posts suggesting 'try this, try that'.

I can totally relate to your dilemma. Someone bought me vouchers for a well-known spa. In order to use the vouchers, I'd have had to travel about 150 miles, one way, and spend a lot more money to make up the remainder in order to have a proper spa experience. It was also something I wasn't keen to experience alone as I am autistic so there are 'social deficits' and anxiety.

I ended up putting the vouchers in the drawer and (conveniently) forgetting about them until they expired. Then I chucked them in the bin.

I do understand what you're going through. It's crap receiving a gift that feels like a curse.

SirVixofVixHall · 22/08/2021 15:22

Acupuncture is not some crazy, out-there alternative thing, it is respected and effective. Why not try it ?
You sound so cross, yet he bought something thoughtful to try and help your back issue, it wasn’t a totally thoughtless or inappropriate gift.

Duochromey · 22/08/2021 15:24

@SirVixofVixHall

Acupuncture is not some crazy, out-there alternative thing, it is respected and effective. Why not try it ? You sound so cross, yet he bought something thoughtful to try and help your back issue, it wasn’t a totally thoughtless or inappropriate gift.
OP DOESN'T WANT TO TRY IT
sunflowerdaisies · 22/08/2021 15:25

If you don't want to hurt his feelings then I'd donate to a charity raffle like a pp suggested or just sell locally and just say thanks for the voucher. If he asks more, say the treatments weren't your cup of tea (id imply I had actually tried them though even if I didn't) so he doesn't buy you any more.

However you may be better off telling him direct so he knows not to try again (I wouldn't if I'd bought someone gift and seen the way it's been talked about on this thread).

Thighdentitycrisis · 22/08/2021 15:25

You sound quite angry and uptight, it sounds like he was trying to help

knittingaddict · 22/08/2021 15:26

@SirVixofVixHall

Acupuncture is not some crazy, out-there alternative thing, it is respected and effective. Why not try it ? You sound so cross, yet he bought something thoughtful to try and help your back issue, it wasn’t a totally thoughtless or inappropriate gift.
I agree with a previous person, this thread is doing my head in and I dread to think what it's doing to the op.

I like knitting and strongly believe in it's therapeutic benefits. Would all you people be happy to receive a place on a knitting retreat when you hate knitting? No, I thought not.

tectonicplates · 22/08/2021 15:26

PLEASE everyone, quit with the "have you tried?" thing. People with medical conditions are sick of it. Let people choose how to manage their own health.

OP, in case you missed my comment earlier, it's worth phoning the place in case they have some kind of bursary funding thing for people who want treatment but can't afford it, then you could donate the voucher to that.

MoiraNotRuby · 22/08/2021 15:28

I totally get it OP. I would be really straightforward and say thank you but I won't be able to use them, I don't have any spare time. I would ask him to find out if he can get a refund, and if not, he needs to decide what to do with the vouchers so they don't go to waste.

Jux · 22/08/2021 15:29

Phone them and explain that you've been given these vouchers, you have a very small child, are of course very busy, back at work next week (maybe throw in moving house to another area before you start your new job) and could they refund you as you simply don't have time to use them? If they'll give you the dosh, no problem, if they can only refund to him, then you'll have to thank him breathlessly, and explain you simply won't have the time to use with the baby and going back to work, he's simply no idea how busy babies make you etc etc.

Original poster
summersending · 22/08/2021 15:31

I’m not angry.

I’m annoyed with myself for not being clearer, I’m a bit exasperated with relative for being so bloody ridiculous and being told I should go and be grateful because of the situation in fucking Afghanistan requires no explanation.

That is all.

OP posts:
IridescentPurple · 22/08/2021 15:40

I would love a hot air balloon ride and this would be my husband's worst nightmare. No way would I buy him a balloon ride as a gift for him. That would be totally unreasonable. This seems similar to me
I got vouchers for two, for a balloon flight as a birthday gift. It is also my worst nightmare. Covid has helped me avoid it thus far.

Melissa9999 · 22/08/2021 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread.

godmum56 · 22/08/2021 15:49

@Duochromey

Is Afghanistan going to be bought into every single thread now?
Yup its the new starving children in Aftica who will DIE if someone won't eat disgusting food.
Melissa9999 · 22/08/2021 15:49

Sorry I’m new trying to work things out lol

Original poster
summersending · 22/08/2021 15:50

Did you meet my grandmother @godmum56? Grin

OP posts:
Bagamoyo1 · 22/08/2021 15:52

Honestly OP I would just put it on local Facebook “unwanted vouchers, worth £300, will sell for £250”.
Or if you can, break them into smaller chunks - sell a £50 voucher for £30.
If your relative ever asks, say you haven’t had a chance to use it, or pretend you’ve been - no need for detail.
Spend the money on something you want.
Or, if you just want rid, donate it to a charity raffle, there are always plenty of those around.

NoSquirrels · 22/08/2021 15:56

@Melissa9999

Sorry I’m new trying to work things out lol
@Melissa9999 if you go to the main Talk page and click on Being A Parent there’s a board called Behaviour & Development. When you get there, click to ‘start a thread’ - you’ll get better answers that way.
Melissa9999 · 22/08/2021 15:59

Thank you so much! Appreciate it

hiplip · 22/08/2021 16:02

Just give them to a neighbour or put them in the bin.

godmum56 · 22/08/2021 16:02

@summersending

Did you meet my grandmother *@godmum56*? Grin
@summersending I am probably her age! They used to use this regularly at my school. School dinners were dire
TatianaBis · 22/08/2021 16:03

I don’t think you can sell them, I think that would be shitty, but you could give them to someone else.

sadie9 · 22/08/2021 16:04

Reflexology, the foot massage, is really lovely if they have that.
You will feel like you are floating on air afterwards. The foot person is down at your feet so you don't have to talk to them and so it's very non-invasive.
It's really relaxing I'd highly recommend it.