My 13 ds is genuinely aggrieved that he is not allowed to swear

[Veuvelily]

He says he has heard all his friends swear in front of their parents and reckons he should be able to swear in his own home
Does your 13 yr old swear at home ?

We swear but not in anger.

This is really interesting:

www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/science-swearing-profanity-curse-emma-byrne

I once knew a man who told me swearing was not ladylike. I told him to fuck off.

I swear more than I should. I tend to use it as expressive language although I'm aware there are many non-swear alternatives. There are some words I dislike and don't use. Though I'm not offended by any

Depends on age for me.

So, in answer to your question - yes. My oldest dc does swear. Not at people in an aggressive sense but in an online game, talking to his friends etc. He's 14. I started 'allowing' it a year ago or so.

I don't allow my youngest 2 to swear though. They're 10 and 9.

I always swear around my parents, but they both swear like troopers too, so respect isn't even a thing in regards to swearing around them

In-laws, not so much. They never swear.
I try and curb it

I don't swear and although I never told my DC not to swear, they never have in front of me, even now as adults. Not sure if they do with their friends but I wouldn't appreciate it in front of me.

This is an interesting question. I never sweat as my parents came down hard as a child. As a result if I do swear it sounds really odd and embarrassing. As a teenager, other school kids would try to make me curse, literally 'say it say it!'.

I wish I'd had more freedom so I wouldn't feel like such a pillock now!

Will probably allow milder words for DC when they're older but not to be used as an insult.

There's a lot of interesting research on the benefits of swearing in terms of managing stress and pain. I don't like gratuitous swearing and constant effing and blinding - for one, it reduces the effect. But there's no evidence that swearing (not at anyone) does any harm. The reverse seems to be true.

I have a problem with people who think they are superior because they do not swear. If you don't like it, don't do it. But don't judge people who do. My late husband was big on it being 'disrespectful' and 'not ladylike'. While all the time downing the alcohol and neglecting his family. Hypocrite.

Dd13 is not allowed to swear in front of adults, or children younger than herself inside or outside the home. Obvs impossible for me to monitor outside the home!

@Confused102

Dh and I Both don't swear. I wouldn't allow my dc to either. It's just grossly disrespectful both ways. My friend and her dh are the opposite, thought she was cool until her dc told her not to be a fucking bitch in front of everyone. Sorry I don't think swearing is cool on adults or children. Just my opinion.

You actually think adults swear because it's 'cool'? Looool.

@OwlinaTree

Do you swear in the home? I'd let him say words you say. If you don't swear, then it's the same rules for all.

It really doesn’t work that way 🙄

Op might also drink and have sex in her home. Also not things 13 year olds are entitled to do.

He says he has heard his friends swear in front of parents. He has not been told of the reaction, even if true.

My DS age 13 loves a mild swear, bloody, crap etc he doesn't swear strongly at home and we don't either. I'm sure he does with his friends though and that's ok - it's knowing when it's not appropriate which is important. In fact he said a couple of months ago 'I don't mind swearing with my mates but I don't like hearing it in the streets'. I was quite proud!

Context matters with swearing.
A broad vocabulary is a good thing, but that needn't exclude all swearing. Swearing because you have a limited vocabularly and have little self expression is not good. Swearing at people is not good, but as a general release of emotion/ pain has a purpose. Learning where and when you can and can't swear is important.

At 8 & 10, my DCs have heard me swear and we have talked about some swear words. I wouldn't encourage them but there may well be a gear change at secondary school. Hopefully they should be old enough by then to have developed an appropriate filter. DS1 once said "shitty kitty" and I asked him about what he'd said and it he was playing with rhymes and not intending on swearing. A calm conversation about words taught him far more than a defensive mode focusing on swearing.

I quickly learned in y7 that "push off" didn't cut it any more and my vocabulary needed some stronger words to get by without ridicule.

If you really wanted to offend someone gratutiously there are many deeply hurtful and offensive things you can say without ever uttering a single swear word.

When my 12 year old asks me this I tell her that asking for permission to swear defeats the purpose of it. I've never said she can't swear though...

This is an interesting question. I never sweat as my parents came down hard as a child

@Mistressofnone are you Prince Andrew? 😉

Agree with @BogRollBOGOF that context is everything. Teenagers need to learn to how deal with difficult and frustrating situations without resorting to swearing. If you fall back on swearing every time you feel angry you aren't learning the skills you need for adult life. Saying shit when you stub your toe is fine IMO but I knew plenty people at school who lacked the communication skills to solve relationship problems without swearing and abuse.

Interesting that 2 people specifically disagree that tends should be allowed to use the same language as adults.

I think if I'm saying shit when I drop something, I can hardly tell my kids off for it at age 13.

The drinking and sex comparisons don't apply - there's no age limit on swearing.

Not in front of me or younger ds, but yes he can swear with friends and his DF.

I think I was about 25 before I did it in front of parents though

kids not tends, sorry!!

@SoupDragon

No. I gave mine a strict hierarchy of who they could swear in front of. Grandparents were at the top with "never ever EVER" in front of me was a "shouldn't" and in front of other adults in a position of responsibility was a "Don't". In front of people they knew well was up to them.

It didn't bother me as such (apart from the grandparents, mine in particular!) but I think learning appropriate language for different settings so that you don't offend people is important.

I did this too with my dc in primary school. Top of the list to never swear in front of was grandparents then teachers.

Mine are allowed the odd one here and there. They are 13 and 14. They know when it’s appropriate and when it isn’t. They would never swear in front of teachers or their 4 year old brother, for example.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable even though my family is a sweary family. You have your house rules and one of them is no swearing. Your son can swear as much as he likes around his friends and you’ll never know about it, but if you don’t want to hear cursing in your own home I think it’s fine to prohibit it.

@OwlinaTree it's not that strange. Swearing is an undesirable habit. Just because I've picked it up doesnt mean I want my kids to do likewise. I'm overweight too. No age limit on that but I want better for them.

We don't swear in front of ds, and he (at 15) doesn't swear in front of us or in our earshot. The only allowed exceptions are cycling up steep hills, and when close passed when cycling.
FWIW, I'd never have used the mildest swear in front of my parents

Mine does and so do I. They know that swearing is context dependent and they wouldn’t be allowed to swear at anyone.