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Original poster

My 13 ds is genuinely aggrieved that he is not allowed to swear

162 replies

Veuvelily · 22/08/2021 09:28

He says he has heard all his friends swear in front of their parents and reckons he should be able to swear in his own home
Does your 13 yr old swear at home ?

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/08/2021 10:06

No, never will. I hate swearing and there is no need when there are so many words to use instead. There is no need to swear.

Porcupineintherough · 22/08/2021 10:07

I swear, my teens are not allowed to swear in front of me. It's a family, not a democracy. They are allowed to ask me to modify my language.

HelenHywater · 22/08/2021 10:08

no, none of mine are allowed to swear at home.

My 13 yo doesn't actually. But my older dds and their friends use the F word the whole time (together) and it's become a habit. I still tell them to stop though.

PrentonPark · 22/08/2021 10:08

@Beamur

Swearing at home, given DH and I do as well, is fine. Some words are not ok. We all know which ones Swearing at teachers, not fine. Amongst friends, your own choice

I agree with @Beamur

Swearing happens all over the place, I can't get excited about it.

My parents were massive prudes on the issue and this has probably coloured my views on it...

SnowfallSnowball · 22/08/2021 10:10

I swear at home, my DD14 moans at me when I do but she knows better than to swear in my presence.
‘Do as I say, don’t do as I do’
I’m under no illusion that she swears amongst her friends though!

MyMabel · 22/08/2021 10:11

I’m 25 now and me and my siblings swear pretty freely around my dad as he’s got the mouth of a sailor anyway and doesn’t care.

We also swear in front of my mum but we don’t go out of our way to fit swear words into our conversation.. it seems odd a child would ASK to be allowed to swear in the house? I mean.. asking to be excused if a word slips out I could understand.. but asking to swear before you need or want to just seems like an excuse to do it regardless, which isn’t nice and a bit tacky.

Also, once you gain the habit of swearing it can be quite hard to control where you do it. I often find myself having to think a little harder about what I’m about to say in front of my grandparents who don’t tolerate any swearing, or to colleagues etc.. because at home it’s quite lenient.

I’m also finding it really difficult to cut it out at home now as our DD is getting to the talking stage and I don’t want words repeated.. it’s very hard to break the habit so I wouldn’t start one.

Confused102 · 22/08/2021 10:11

Dh and I Both don't swear. I wouldn't allow my dc to either. It's just grossly disrespectful both ways. My friend and her dh are the opposite, thought she was cool until her dc told her not to be a fucking bitch in front of everyone.
Sorry I don't think swearing is cool on adults or children. Just my opinion.

RolloTomassi · 22/08/2021 10:11

It's a respect thing. I'm in my 30s and still rarely swear in front of my parents! They didn't accept it when I was a kid and still don't. I love a good swear but there's no way I'll allow mine to do it in front of me either.

pointythings · 22/08/2021 10:13

@Parker231

For those who allow swearing - why? Can they not use a non swear word instead?
Because 'Oh Sugar' isn't the same as 'Oh shit' when it hits. I'm a bit Hmm that you don't see that.

My late husband was incredibly pearl clutchy about swearing. I'm not - I'm Dutch, and we are very sweary people. Dutch civilisation hasn't yet crumbled into apocalypse and dystopia. It's no big deal.

JEdgarHoover · 22/08/2021 10:15

@Parker231

For those who allow swearing - why? Can they not use a non swear word instead?
It’s just not the same. It’s not always as good a release, it’s not always as funny. Sometimes you just need to really get it out and fiddlesticks does not do it. Swearing doesn’t bother me, words as individuals don’t bother me, it’s how you use them (with the exception of certain words, ie racist etc)
IdblowJonSnow · 22/08/2021 10:15

Mine are allowed a few, but don't. I'm a potty mouth and they don't like it so now I don't swear in front of them!

Interesting role reversal in my house! Blush

What is it he wants to say? I guess yanbu, your house your rules but it wouldn't bother me too much.

Parker231 · 22/08/2021 10:17

@pointythings - there is nothing pearly clutching about disliking swearing. It’s disrespectful to others and lack of control that you can’t use an non offensive word.

As my father says “it’s not clever or cool”!

PearlyBird · 22/08/2021 10:17

I just don't care that much. It's just a word. My DC swear at home, a bit. Not that much. They would both hold back in front of my mother.
Her values are not my values though.

Oogachuckachopsy · 22/08/2021 10:18

@OwlinaTree

Do you swear in the home? I'd let him say words you say. If you don't swear, then it's the same rules for all.
That’s a stupid general rule. I have the odd beer or glass of wine and I’m not about to let a young teen join in simply because I do it.
PearlyBird · 22/08/2021 10:23

@SciFiScream

I've given my two permission to swear but I've talked to them lots about it.

I think giving them "permission" has taken away the allure and neither bothers.

Grin
I agree. I don't react in horror and they hardly ever swear.

I guess I ''model'' choosing the right words to express exactly what I mean over choosing a string of swear words. But I don't want to get hung up on banning my DC from swearing. I assume it'll all even out in the end and they'll probably go down the route of realising there's a word that expresses what they want to say precisely, and it's not ''fuck''.

My mother would reprimand me for saying ''shit'' if I dropped something heavy on my foot. It is really irritating that she thinks she can interrupt me to impose her value on me, and i'm 51!
She doesn't realise that that's what she's doing though.
She just thinks her way is right and my way is bad.

Gimlisaxe · 22/08/2021 10:24

It depends on the word and also what its about, for example telling someone to fuck off is a massive no no, saying shit because I have just walked into the wall (again because the thing keeps moving) allowed.

PearlyBird · 22/08/2021 10:26

@Porcupineintherough

I swear, my teens are not allowed to swear in front of me. It's a family, not a democracy. They are allowed to ask me to modify my language.
Confused

Wow. I find this really shocking. You swear in front of your kids but expect them not to swear in front of you?!

Rosebel · 22/08/2021 10:27

My 15 and 13 year old don't swear in front of me, although I'm 99%sure they do with their friends I wouldn't be too worried as long as it's not in front of my parents (not too worried about MIL as my husband swore and still swears when she's around, not at her obviously).
Having said that I quite like that they don't swear (in my hearing). There isn't really a need for it and some of them are horrible. Shit is okay IMO, something like cunt absolutely not.

ByTheSea · 22/08/2021 10:30

We are a sweary family but I think they know when and where is appropriate.

howtodealwithit · 22/08/2021 10:30

I'm not impressed if I hear swearing from either of mine (12&17) but don't get involved unless they are aiming it at someone

Driftingblue · 22/08/2021 10:32

I occasionally let a sweat slip out. I don’t see why my child shouldn’t be able to do the same. They are just words.

We have talked from an early age about how ridiculous it is that some words are given special categorization, but that we must respect that categorization and not use those words in certain situations like at school.

Original poster
Veuvelily · 22/08/2021 10:33

I don’t really swear at home.
Never heard my Dad swear and my Mum very rarely. Never hear my brother swear.
All the kids tell my sister off for swearing!
I have never really banned it, he shouts and screams at the Xbox but never swears.
I think this has come about because he’s been spending more time out with his friends. I’ve said no swearing in the garden and no swearing when he’s out.
I really hate seeing groups of boys swearing when there’s no need, just for the sake of it. Girls too.
But he’s just made the point that he should be able to do it in his own home. Which made me think.

OP posts:
hullaballoo19 · 22/08/2021 10:36

Dd (nearly 10) is allowed to swear at home and has been for a year or 2. She knows she's only allowed to at home, and she's not allowed to swear at people. She very rarely swears, and the odd occasion when she does it's in context and never offensive.

I swear a lot, I consider swear words a part of my normal vocabulary and don't find them offensive unless they are used in an offensive way. I very very rarely swear at people (offensive) and don't think it's okay but sometimes we lose our tempers and say things we shouldn't. I appreciate that some people do find them offensive/unpleasant and bear that in mind when in company, and there are obviously situations where swearing would be inappropriate so do not swear (e.g a job interview).

Emma Byrne has written a book about swearing for anyone that's interested, it's called 'swearing is good for you'. There's also some YouTube videos of her taking about it and demonstrating an experiment she's used (using swear words to withstand pain).

JEdgarHoover · 22/08/2021 10:36

@pointythings I have heard that too about intelligence and swearing being linked. There is also a condition which is fairly common where the brain inserts words, often swear words, into sentences because it needs a split second to think and catch up with itself. That’s a terrible explanation and I can’t remember what it’s called, but it is real!