Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Dad put baby to sleep

109 replies

PlanetTeaTime · 21/08/2021 20:32

Since DD was born 6 months ago, I have nursed her to sleep every single night and for most of her naps (sometimes I can get her to sleep in the car or a sling). She is now teething and has bitten me several times this evening.

After over two hours and several bites, I've told my partner no more, he will have to try to get her to sleep tonight.

He says he can't and he's tried before and he can't do it. He's never tried rocking her longer than 15 minutes before handing her back to me.

Am I being unreasonable to ask him to take over?

OP posts:

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 21/08/2021 20:36

Not at all. Get him to put something on that smells like you, see if that helps.

billy1966 · 21/08/2021 20:38

Of course he can, he just can't be arsed with the effort.

BecauseMyRingBurnsSheila · 21/08/2021 20:40

Parenting is hard, but a child who has 2 parents to share that burden needs input from both those parents, even and especially when it's hard. He can't YET because he hasn't tried hard enough YET.

Thehop · 21/08/2021 20:40

He needs t support you by trying.

If she doesn’t sleep then he sits soothing her.

I had a crap night about this stage…..just couldn’t feed her anymore and my dh would just rock back and forth, singing or humming to dd.

MouseInCatsClaws · 21/08/2021 20:42

leave the house. Don't go back till he's settled her

PeasPeasPeasAreGoodForYou · 21/08/2021 20:42

Nope!
Both DH and baby need to get used to each other at bed time, and the only way to do that is for DH to keep putting her down.
It does take time but consistency is key!
Don't give in

MouseInCatsClaws · 21/08/2021 20:43

I mean, six months ffs

Toomuchspinning · 21/08/2021 20:43

You are not being unreasonable in that you should have support and be parenting equally, but if you have an exclusively breastfed baby who has only really ever fed to sleep, it is a bit much to suddenly go cold turkey.

Notaroadrunner · 21/08/2021 20:44

Get yourself off out for a walk and leave him to it.

234Pepperplant · 21/08/2021 20:49

To be honest, if you have breastfed her to sleep every single night, I can understand him being reluctant as a random one off. I think you need a proper discussion about how you do bedtime in future- including a commitment from you that you will tolerate a certain amount of crying and that the days of breastfeeding to sleep are done and you won’t be doing it either. In return he needs to step up - she’s obviously not going to stay awake forever and at some point she needs to learn to fall asleep in a different way so he needs to be prepared to put the hours in.

Fernando072020 · 21/08/2021 20:58

My 13 month old feeds to sleep and if they're used to it, it's very difficult for dad to do it. Can dad rock her while you sing? Or something along those lines?
Then lay her down and feed her to sleep.

We've just had to do this and it works really well for us

LakeShoreD · 21/08/2021 20:59

Hmmm on the fence with this one. I get that you’re frustrated, I would be, it’s unfair that it’s all one you. However this is an EBF baby that has always fed to sleep, so it’s not really that unreasonable that he’s never managed to get them to sleep before and doesn’t think he’ll be successful this time either. Nor would rocking a baby for over 15 minutes be something that I would be on board with, mostly because it’s unlikely to work because baby still isn’t learning to fall asleep by themselves. Absolutely you deserve a partner that does their equal share of bedtimes but I think you need a calm conversation about tackling sleep together: research some techniques, decide what you’d be happy with and agree a game plan that you’re both on board with that most importantly allows for both parents to do bedtime.

Lotusmonster · 21/08/2021 21:01

I’d start by removing your boob post feed and pre-sleep so you’re not tolerating the biting bit.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 21/08/2021 21:02

Are you stopping bf now?
Expecting him to rock for 15 mins is creating another prop.

What happens if you put dd in the cot?

saraclara · 21/08/2021 21:03

He's never tried rocking her longer than 15 minutes before handing her back to me.

15 minutes is a long time. Given that your baby is normally breast fed to sleep, I think 15 minutes is a pretty good try, personally.

ImFree2doasiwant · 21/08/2021 21:04

I'd introduce it gradually tbh. She's been bf to sleep all her life, and I think its harsh on her to make such a drastic change.

LadyPeppermint · 21/08/2021 21:07

I’m a bit confused - why would you be rocking the baby for any minutes? Why not just put her straight down so she can settle herself?

If you’re doing this and it’s unrelated to BF, I’d try to break that habit pronto, otherwise you’re making a rod to break both of your backs.

Porcupineintherough · 21/08/2021 21:07

If she's used to nursing to sleep then you are going to have a few nights of sheer hell to change that. So you need to share that and no more nursing her to sleep from now on.

If course he has to help but he's not unreasonable to feel daunted.

Summerfun54321 · 21/08/2021 21:14

Much easier to share bedtimes when you stop breastfeeding. Naturally baby wants the parent who smells constantly of yummy soothing milk. I did all bedtimes and feeding to sleep when I breastfed and when I stopped DH did his fair share then and has done the majority of bed times and night waking since! Have a chat about the long term plans for feeding and soothing baby at night and at bedtime, and how long you want to breastfeed for.

SueSaid · 21/08/2021 21:15

'To be honest, if you have breastfed her to sleep every single night, I can understand him being reluctant as a random one off'

Exactly this. Sorry you're having a hard time op but you've established this routine, what is he supposed to do. You need to stop breastfeeding her to sleep so at least he'll have chance of being able to take over.

Try expressing milk so she's used to taking some from a bottle from you then he'll at least have a chance of being able to settle her.

OwlinaTree · 21/08/2021 21:16

I think you are a bit unreasonable to expect him to suddenly take over, sorry. You are not unreasonable to want to stop feeding to sleep though.

If your baby has always fed to sleep, that's all she's ever known. That's her way of falling asleep.

You and your DH need to decide how to tackle this together if you want to start getting her to sleep without feeding to sleep.

I would suggest you feed her till she's very sleepy then put her in the cot. She will wake up and cry. It's up to you how you go forward from there. I did pick up put down sshh pat until calm but it takes a long time to start with!!!

Good luck with it op, I know how hard it is when they will only settle for you, and lots of us have been in the same boat on here.

cookingisoverrated · 21/08/2021 21:18

6 MONTHS and he's never done it once?

Fuck that.

Hand him the baby and go out for an evening walk. or sit in your car with a book. He needs to step up.

MindyStClaire · 21/08/2021 21:18

Of course it's easier for you if you're breastfeeding, and the baby may not actually go asleep for him. But he should still be taking a shift at the walking and rocking so that you get a break even if it doesn't actually result in any progress.

Summerfun54321 · 21/08/2021 21:19

Why can’t DH feed baby a bottle of breast milk to get them to sleep? Nothing wrong with feeding baby to sleep whatsoever.

Christmasfairy2020 · 21/08/2021 21:20

Does she have a dummy

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread