Dad put baby to sleep

[PlanetTeaTime]

Since DD was born 6 months ago, I have nursed her to sleep every single night and for most of her naps (sometimes I can get her to sleep in the car or a sling). She is now teething and has bitten me several times this evening.

After over two hours and several bites, I've told my partner no more, he will have to try to get her to sleep tonight.

He says he can't and he's tried before and he can't do it. He's never tried rocking her longer than 15 minutes before handing her back to me.

Am I being unreasonable to ask him to take over?

Biting occurs because they get so tired it overrides natural instinct. With DS I have 20s to pull out as soon as he stops sucking before I get a canine lol.

15 minutes is a good try, but that doesn't mean he never needs to try again! It is also reasonable to ask for him to give you a break and have another try tonight.

It would be worth working out how you can do bed times in a different way going forward. That doesn't mean you have to stop breastfeeding, btw. You might need to stop feeding to sleep, but my 1 year old can be put to sleep by DP or by his grandmother and is also night weaned despite me still feeding to sleep most of the time. There are lots of options, OP, but you do need to make a plan together.

YANBU. I EBF my 6.5 month old and frequently feed to sleep. However my partner also helps with naps and nighttime by bouncing (on a birthing ball whilst cradling baby) baby to sleep, this can take longer than 15minutes. It is good to have options on how to get baby to sleep so you can have a break, incase feeding to sleep does not work (as is the case for us, as he did have reflux), or that you want to go out during a time when baby is due to sleep and will need help nodding off.

Good luck!

I’m a bit confused - why would you be rocking the baby for any minutes? Why not just put her straight down so she can settle herself?
Oh, FFS – I hate this faux-naive “but surely the baby just sleeps” bullshit tone of questioning. Unless you’re brand-new to MN, the internet, the planet, even if your own baby was easy, surely you’ve encountered the concept that many, many babies DON’T just settle.

Anyway, OP: every time the baby bites, break the latch and shout “OW!” Also those snake oil teething powders or baby bonkers on gums so they’re less excitable.

You’re not BU to need a break in these circumstances, but it sounds like she won’t necessarily settle for your partner quickly. Tough, on biting nights he’ll have to endure. The more he does it the easier it’ll be. It might take 15+ minutes now, but eventually it won’t.

I honestly credit DD’s colic with DP being able to settle her (with rocking, not Magic Just Put The Baby Down It Worked For Me Therefore) – we had to take turns early on. He ran a fine line in sprinting with the baby on shoulder; holding the baby near the shower; and ministry of silly walks a la baby. Also spent lots of time with her in the sling. Encourage your partner to use the sling with the child you share. Also Lansinoh on bitten nipples, and a glass of wine for you.

Oh, FFS – I hate this faux-naive “but surely the baby just sleeps” bullshit tone of questioning. Unless you’re brand-new to MN, the internet, the planet, even if your own baby was easy, surely you’ve encountered the concept that many, many babies DON’T just settle.

THANK you.

This is bullshit. DS was exclusively breastfed and remains breastfed now. He feeds to sleep with me every night / nap time.
When I'm not here his dad settles him to sleep cuddling patting and signing to him. It took them a while to find a way but they did. He used to rock him when he was tiny but he outgrew that.
Breastfeeding exclusively means providing all of your babies nutritional requirements not all of the parenting.
Soothe your DD and leave it for tonight. Re-visit this when calm and help him find strategies that work that you'll both benefit from.
Please don't leave and punish your DD and leave your DH to panic. It's not worth it. You'll be stressed.
This is today's problem but you won't solve it until tomorrow.
Hope things get easier.

6 months old is a good age to start bath, books, bed routine, but it does need a bit of controlled crying or whatever the acceptable term is now.

Thank you burritofan! Was getting a bit disheartened reading some of the responses.

Maybe we're soft these days but from all the research I've done I understand that babies need to be taught to sleep, and for some it's harder than others. Also, the "rod for your own back" point of view is pretty outdated now, no?

@burritofan

I’m a bit confused - why would you be rocking the baby for any minutes? Why not just put her straight down so she can settle herself? Oh, FFS – I hate this faux-naive “but surely the baby just sleeps” bullshit tone of questioning. Unless you’re brand-new to MN, the internet, the planet, even if your own baby was easy, surely you’ve encountered the concept that many, many babies DON’T just settle.

Anyway, OP: every time the baby bites, break the latch and shout “OW!” Also those snake oil teething powders or baby bonkers on gums so they’re less excitable.

You’re not BU to need a break in these circumstances, but it sounds like she won’t necessarily settle for your partner quickly. Tough, on biting nights he’ll have to endure. The more he does it the easier it’ll be. It might take 15+ minutes now, but eventually it won’t.

I honestly credit DD’s colic with DP being able to settle her (with rocking, not Magic Just Put The Baby Down It Worked For Me Therefore) – we had to take turns early on. He ran a fine line in sprinting with the baby on shoulder; holding the baby near the shower; and ministry of silly walks a la baby. Also spent lots of time with her in the sling. Encourage your partner to use the sling with the child you share. Also Lansinoh on bitten nipples, and a glass of wine for you.

It’s actually not faux naive at all. I know lots of people who simply got into a habit of rocking their babies to sleep because they thought it was the thing to do (it’s what we see on tv, films etc), without understanding that many (most? who knows) babies can simply learn to fall asleep themselves. If you don’t give them a chance then they’ll never learn. So actually, my comment was to help the OP understand that there is possibly another way.

It’s the best piece of advice I got and if I hadn’t heard this, no doubt I would have been right there rocking mine to sleep too.

Oh, FFS – I hate this faux-naive “but surely the baby just sleeps” bullshit tone of questioning. Unless you’re brand-new to MN, the internet, the planet, even if your own baby was easy, surely you’ve encountered the concept that many, many babies DON’T just settle.

Came on to say exactly this!

OP, however you choose to put your baby to sleep is exactly that- your choice. The ‘rod for your own back’ thing is bullshit, you do what works for you. However, it sounds like you’ve made a bit of a snap decision tonight and that’s not really fair on your baby or your partner. If you want to stop feeding to sleep you need to make a plan and commit to it together.

OP on the interest of trying to be constructive - totally feel your pain. 2 and a half hours is a mental amount of time trying to sleep a baby, even by bad standards!

For the biting - it's counterintuitive but gently press baby into the boob when the bite - essentially it will block their nasal air supply so they will need to open their mouth stop biting (then release!! :D). I found this was much more effective then saying "ow" or whatever at that age as they're still too young really to learn cause and effect.

Hang in there and remember your baby isn't trying to hurt you on purpose and needs you to teach them everything from how to eat, to how to sleep. Maybe your partner would be better served being your personal attendant during this time... back rubs, snacks, drinks.

Agree with others to try and make it through this bed time then make more of a long term plan tomorrow.

Good luck xxx

Maybe start to work on a bedtime routine that is different but could he free up time for you somewhere else? 6 months and you might start with solids soon? Some expressed milk in a cup and however you plan to introduce solids? Perhaps you could work in mornings being his thing soon until you've got something else in the evenings?

I ebf mine and fed to sleep for years, my husband could get them to sleep rocking and singing. We took turns about. You don’t need to stop b/feeding, or stop feeding to sleep. Your husband is possibly being lazy, possibly lacking confidence, maybe both but it’s he should be keen to try and settle them, and certainly when you’ve specifically asked him. They do not still feed to sleep or need rocked!

Yes he should help you.
However, given that you have always fed your baby to sleep, you are putting your husband is a situation he can’t fix. He doesn’t have boobs.
It’s time to sleep train and support the baby to fall asleep without feeding. Your husband can be more hands on then.

You've tried for 2 hours tonight. When he's tried for 2 hours as well, then perhaps he can say that he can't get DC to bed.

Have you got nipple guards?

The tip to pull baby towards you is good.
I'd suggest that you start getting your DP to put the baby down for a nap during the day and you actually leave the house while he does so. If the baby can hear you they will just get more upset and frustrated. Both baby and DP will find a routine that works for them that way. It might be quicker as baby will learn soon enough that Dad isn't going to be providing feeds too.
The biting usually passes. But it's probably not a great time to throw your baby into a different routine - DD only ever bit me when teething so was a bit out of sorts herself too. Good luck - it's horrible trying to bf a biting baby!

^ my comment above is ambiguous. I mean that I fed to sleep and my husband rocked/held and sang to sleep for couple of years and I didn’t make a rod for my own back or end up doing until they were 5 or anything. I absolutely hated the put down drowsy but awake, don’t allow them to feed to sleep, let them cry it out etc comments

Whatever you meant by your comment, LadyPeppermint, it came over in exactly the shitty tone that burritofan described.

Good luck op. It’s very difficult but it does get better. It’s absolutely reasonable to expect help from the other parent but you will probably need to transition across gradually as others have suggested. Nothing wrong with going for some fresh air and leaving him to it for 10-15 minutes though if you’ve reached your limit.

I would try a compromise.

He should take her for a couple of hours - perhaps an hour before 'bedtime' and an hour after, maybe with a break in the middle if you would want to feed her. That way, you will get a decent break. It might be she won't go to sleep straight off, but at least you get a break and time to unwind, and she'll start getting the idea that daddy does the bedtime bit.

I had a baby who was an absolute nightmare sleeper so I am probably a rubbish source of advice, but - does your baby sleep in the car? And can he drive her around for a bit until she goes down? For us that was a godsend and I learnt to transfer her into bed out of her car seat.

I am really bemused by posters saying 15 minutes is a long time - it really isn't! And especially if he then hands the baby back. I swear a sleepy baby can feel when you are counting the minutes and the respond accordingly - by refusing to settle!

I'm sorry that you have had six months of this OP - tell him to step-up and step-away yourself. Babies can and do cope with change and are adaptable. Less so self-centred men who can't be arsed with parenting. Please nip it in the bud now for your own sanity and future family-life. I breastfed for 2 years but DH was still there as and when needed - no matter how much the baby "wanted" to be with me. You need to let DP step up and call him up on it if he doesn't - BF is a very convenient excuse for doing fuck all

Sorry - that wasn’t my intention, but I can see that now.

@amiwastingmytime

Yes he should help you. However, given that you have always fed your baby to sleep, you are putting your husband is a situation he can’t fix. He doesn’t have boobs. It’s time to sleep train and support the baby to fall asleep without feeding. Your husband can be more hands on then.

There's quite a large gap between feeding the baby to sleep and sleep training! It's absurd to say her DP couldn't step up. Otherwise what you're really saying is that the OP has to produce a sleep-trained baby before her DP even gets involved?

However, given that you have always fed your baby to sleep, you are putting your husband is a situation he can’t fix.

Nonsense!! Babies who are normally fed to sleep don't just stay awake forever if their mum has a night off!! I had to go into hospital for a night when my youngest was a few months old - the idea that my husband simply couldn't be expected to get him to sleep is preposterous!!

OP - I recommend white noise. You can play it while feeding to sleep and then your husband can play it while he's giving cuddles etc It worked so well for mine that he had an almost Pavlovian sleepy face response whenever he heard white noise!!

At 6 months my baby would not tolerate Dh at bedtime ( I don’t even breastfeed). She would get nothing short of hysterical if it wasn’t me. Gradually building up more interaction between them in the day has helped and she will now at 9 months let him put her down.
If you’ve always got her to sleep you can’t suddenly wrench it away from her. She won’t understand.