To think SIL did this intentionally?

[saturdaynightgin]

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

You sound very entitled and that you wanted to exclude them.

She turned up in a navy dress with white spots on it, IIRC.

And dressed her son in the exact same suit as the men.

Of course it was a deliberate "fuck you".

@HoneyRose87

You sound very entitled and that you wanted to exclude them.

Entitled to what?! To be the focus on her wedding day?!

Jeez

I can’t believe you dictated the colours guests were allowed to wear to ensure that they didn’t get confused with more important, closer people. Because that’s how that comes across. I haven’t got a clue what guests wore to my wedding - I was more focused on their faces.

I hate the threads where the OP says "I've shown this to DH" like who cares, let him start his own thread FGS if he's so bothered!

It's a non-issue. Guests can wear whatever colour they like.

You sound very weird.

Deliberately annoying since you'd asked her not to. Mark her card and ensure boundaries are in place, she's a frenemy.

I think you are ridiculous to demand that people don't wear a certain colour to your wedding and she is petty to have done it.

You're both as bad as one another.

Yeah if I was in a slightly agro mood and someone told me what not to wear,I'd probably wear it

@HintofVintagePink - As in she dictated what guests would wear and felt entitled to control their colour of choice.

Jeez!

Ok hun

It’s not “cringe”, no need to be embarrassed.

Every wedding I’ve been to has given some sort of dress code. Ours said French casual, the one I’m going to said “dress up, hats appreciated”.
I can’t see that wear anything but navy is unreasonable.

Every time the photos came out I would mention it - “hah, remember when I told you to wear anything but navy, but you did”. She’s a twat.

So much importance is given to such things!!!
I have been a maid of honour once in my life and because of all these needless demands for colour, particular style, hair style etc I've vowed to never be one anymore.

I cannot imagine caring.

I always end up in navy when I go to weddings because I usually wear the outfit I wore to the last wedding I went to and it's usually navy. I like navy and it saves me ending up in white which is reserved for the bride...usually. When my mother got married in the late 70s my father's aunt turned up in the same dress as my mother but in a different colour!

I think a few of the people have called out the point that navy is a difficult colour to ban. I have mostly navy things and it's also a very popular colour for a suit these days.

Equally as a guest I would suggest that anyone wearing a maxi / long dress should make sure it's patterned or floral rather than a plain colour or something that could legitimately be mistaken for a bridesmaid. I wouldn't be bothered if someone had worn a dress like that to my wedding but as a guest I would personally think it's good etiquette to make sure you look like a guest rather than a bridesmaid.

French casual

Cashmere sweater over the shoulders and jeans?

When I got married wedding photos were mainly of the bride and groom. We had a couple with everyone in it, but it never occurred to me that people should wear certain colours so that the photos could be "staged".

I was looking at our photos last month when it was our 40th wedding anniversary, and noticed that my godmother's outfit was the same colour as my sister's (who was bridesmaid). I nvever even noticed on the day.

@frogsbreath

She bought the exact same suits and had already agreed not to wear navy?

Nah, I'd be annoyed too at the behind your back plan and lying to your face.

Yep. I agree with this. I would be annoyed for a bit, not hold a grudge but annoyed. My in laws are not malicious but by letting them know something I am pretty much planting an idea. By saying I bought Dd earnings for her birthday means a week later SIL will ring saying she is looking at earrings for Dd for her birthday. MiL is similar.
I don't let it get to me anymore and I am much more cautious what I mention. For a while it did feel personal. Perhaps your SIL is the same and just very open to the power of suggestion?

Congratulations on your marriage.

@Lightisnotwhite

It’s not “cringe”, no need to be embarrassed.

Every wedding I’ve been to has given some sort of dress code. Ours said French casual, the one I’m going to said “dress up, hats appreciated”.
I can’t see that wear anything but navy is unreasonable.

Every time the photos came out I would mention it - “hah, remember when I told you to wear anything but navy, but you did”. She’s a twat.

This is so odd. In what sort of circles do people have to be told how to dress for a wedding?

What is "French Casual"?

Does it really really matter?

She was probably just trying to blend in. Be a part of your day.

My Grandad hired a dinner jacket with a bow tie for my wedding 26 years ago. He looked like an elderly bouncer.
My very own 'Uncle Knobhead' decided to get a matching top hat and tails to match the groomsmen/ ushers and pushed his way into their fitting, paying for it himself. Didn't bother me in the slightest.

If she'd turned up in a long white dress then...

Focus on the important stuff.

I'm really surprised by the responses here! My brother is getting married soon and one of the first questions I asked was what colour the bridesmaids are wearing so I can avoid getting a dress that colour.

Whether people mistake you for part of the bridal party or not, it can look a bit "desperate to be involved" if you dress to match the colour scheme, in my opinion.

What is "French Casual”

Like Alan Partridge’s ‘sports casual’ but in powder blue.

Cost to be honest - we couldn’t afford to buy 4 bridesmaids dresses and 5 suits, so we had a maid of honour and a best man. I didn’t think it was that unusual?

If you want people to wear something specific, you pay, if not, you can't dictate to people what they should or shouldn't wear. That's how I see it. It does sound like it was deliberate and passive aggressive from her, but I think she had a right to be annoyed. Just chalk it up as experience and leave it be. I would do parts of my wedding differently now with hindsight, that's life, just move on from it now.