To think SIL did this intentionally?

[saturdaynightgin]

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

@DGFB

If I was his sister I’d have been hurt that your sister was included but I wasn’t. I think you need to let this go!

so the groom gets to choose his own best man presumably from his family or his best friend but the bride should have to pick the grooms sister so she doesn’t feel left out?

I never had my sil as bridesmaid, she wasn’t one of my friends therefore she wasn’t picked.

if she was trying to upset you then she got what she wanted to the point of you asking a group of strangers if you have the right to be upset, if it bothers you that much then speak to her.

She’s a twat.
But navy is a staple colour for a suit, so it is unfair to ask a guy not to wear a navy suit.

Really think you should just be glad to have been able to have your celebration after the last year or so! Lots more important things to dwell on-just get on with your life, and be happy for goodness sake

How odd.

You will laugh about this for the rest of your marriage. Don’t give it any further thought. Congratulations OP!

Both your sils were very unreasonable with their choice of dresses. Bizarre to do that. I always ask for the colour theme of the wedding so I’m not in the same colour as the bridal party, I thought that was normal:polite?

Tbh, someone asking me not to wear a certain colour would put my back up a bit, or think they were being a bit precious at the very least. She might've done it on purpose, but it's done now. Nothing you can do except decide whether to hold a grudge about it or let it go.

It's a bit "you're not in the wedding party so please don't pretend you are" if someone was put out at not being in the wedding party, telling them they can't wear a certain (very universal) colour is going to rub salt in the wounds a bit!

I don't think there's anything out of order about a sibling rolling their eyes at another sibling's behaviour. Pretty regular occurrence in my family. Lol. But cutting her out of the family, distancing, etc. as some people are suggesting... For wearing a same colour dress? Bonkers.

don't re-act ignore -think about the fun you had on the day - if the worst thing is your sil doing this & presumably she might be hoping for your reaction don't let her win -

Just to clarify - we weren’t ever going to mention it to anyone, or cut her off/distance ourselves. It’s as said above, DH expressing annoyance at something his sister did and me agreeing with him.

DH has annoyed me plenty of times in the last 10 years and I still married him!

I always ask for the colour theme of the wedding so I’m not in the same colour as the bridal party, I thought that was normal:polite?

TBH it has never occurred to me to do that.

So did you marry the man of your dreams? Did you have the people you most love in the world there? Did you make a serious lifelong commitment to each other?

The happiest day of your life? Don't spoil it with petty stuff - getting married means way more than what anyone was wearing.

I always ask for the colour theme of the wedding so I’m not in the same colour as the bridal party, I thought that was normal:polite?

No, lol. I might assume the colour scheme is important to the bride/groom if the invite has a clear colour scheme, and I might then use that as a guide of what not to wear. But no I really don't think it's normal to ask someone what it is to dress a certain way?

@TatianaBis

French casual

Cashmere sweater over the shoulders and jeans?

😁. I am so tempted to post the photo of one our friends in exactly that!

It was brilliant. We had everything from chic white suits and sunglasses (men and women) to shirts, shorts and loafers.
No one looked awkward and the photos don’t scream mid 2000’s wedding.

how petty of you.

You’d love me. I went to SILs wedding (dh’s bro and his wife) wearing the actual bridesmaid dress. My sil and I aren’t close but I’m sure even she wouldn’t be horrified that I might accidentally look like part of the wedding party in photos.

@saturdaynightgin

Just to clarify - we weren’t ever going to mention it to anyone, or cut her off/distance ourselves. It’s as said above, DH expressing annoyance at something his sister did and me agreeing with him.

DH has annoyed me plenty of times in the last 10 years and I still married him!

Exactly. No one can press our buttons like siblings can! Lol. If we cut off family members for doing something annoying, we'd have no family members left. 😂

Theme for my wedding was navy and white. I wore a navy maternity dress, husband navy suit etc. Mother in law rocked up in navy. I didnt realise it was a thing or problem.

Cost to be honest - we couldn’t afford to buy 4 bridesmaids dresses and 5 suits, so we had a maid of honour and a best man. I didn’t think it was that unusual?

Well that's not unusual in itself, but including some siblings and not others in the bridal party does change things somewhat. I might not have made my point through my dress if it had been me, but I think I'd be hurt by that.

I'm really surprised by the responses here! My brother is getting married soon and one of the first questions I asked was what colour the bridesmaids are wearing so I can avoid getting a dress that colour.

That would never cross my mind, many brides are very secretive about their colours and choices. Not to mention many will also try and get a few dos out the same outfit to lessen the cost a bit.

@Bluntness100

Well op you have your answer, what more do you both need?

They don’t need anything.

Doesn’t stop the pile-on from the posters that haven’t read the updates though

I’m guessing your honeymoon is a bit boring if you’re spending your time on Mumsnet whinging.

@BeefSupreme

I’m guessing your honeymoon is a bit boring if you’re spending your time on Mumsnet whinging.

RTFT

DS was in a plain navy full length dress. SIL wore a full length dress which was 90% navy with some white flowers at the bottom. Very similar in shape.

Fwiw - other SIL wore an ivory dress (almost identical to mine) with green flowers on. Didn’t bother me cos it looked nothing like a wedding dress

So they looked nothing like bridesmaid dresses as they had flowers on the bottom. You and your dh are being ridiculous if your bothered about something so trival. Like I said I wore a long purple dress for my dbro and sils wedding and their colours were purple. They didn't care I wore purple they were thankfull I made the 3 journey heavily pregnant.