Page 8 | To think SIL did this intentionally?

saturdaynightgin · 2021-08-21T16:57:08+00:00

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us. The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy. We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy. The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party. AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

pollylocketpickedapocket · 21/08/2021 20:20

@GreyhoundG1rl

Aren't you on honeymoon, op? It's quite tragic that the pair of you are allowing this nonsense to occupy such headspace, the week after the wedding?

It’s tragic the amount of facetious comments you make on various threads.

Voicefancier · 21/08/2021 20:23

@Northernparent68

You’re getting a hard time on this thread, it was rude of your sil, distance yourself from her and try not to let it ruin memories of your wedding

She wore frigging navy and white. How could that ruin a wedding? And you'd cut her off for wearing navy at a wedding of 24 people, mostly family? Is there no sense or proportion in people's lives anymore?

DrSbaitso · 21/08/2021 20:35

@PolytheneRam

I don't even know what a bridal party is

Do you know what Google is?

MadgeMak · 21/08/2021 20:36

YABU. On my wedding day we asked guests to wear whatever they wanted - go all out, go casual or somewhere in between, whatever they felt good in. We wanted everyone to be comfortable and have a good time, that was at the forefront of our minds not whether we coordinated or not. I have heard of people asking people (well, women) not to wear the same colour as the bridesmaids, but to extend this to the suit colour is way OTT. It's not like suits come in lots of different colours, perhaps your SIL should have had her son turn up in a shocking pink suit, would you have preferred that?

CoralLea · 21/08/2021 20:39

I don't understand how people are condoning what her SIL did. It's not like this was a party or something, it was this woman's wedding day and her SIL and nephew turned up in their wedding attire. Honestly! I'd be annoyed too.

Hadalifeonce · 21/08/2021 20:40

It's only on MN that I have seen brides dictate what their wedding guests wear.
As long as it isn't a bride's dress, most people will wear something reasonably smart and generally not know what colour bridesmaids or groom will wear.

Unsubscribed · 21/08/2021 20:41

I cant imagine in my circle, receiving a wedding invite saying don't wear a certain colour , very embarrassing indeed.

But if I did I'd be straight on Mumsnet to rant 'can you believe wedding guests not allowed to wear navy ..........'

saraclara · 21/08/2021 20:41

Good on you for taking it on the chin, OP.

FWIW I've never been to a wedding where a specific colour was forbidden. And to be honest, I'd roll my eyes a bit if I got an invitation with that request on. I only really have one outfit suitable for a wedding, anyway!

Kettledodger · 21/08/2021 20:43

If the SIL turned up in navy and hadn't be asked or known that was what the bridal party was wearing I too would be saying YABU. But she was asked NOT to wear navy and the day wasn't about her and whatever her angst was. It was someone's wedding day just do as they asked it isn't that hard everyone else managed it. If you are invited to a child free wedding you don't say fuck it and turn up with your children do you?

HintofVintagePink · 21/08/2021 20:44

Impressed you’ve taken all this in good humour OP! Am slightly cringing for you and your DH now though for the time when you both look back at this!

DGFB · 21/08/2021 20:45

If I was his sister I’d have been hurt that your sister was included but I wasn’t.
I think you need to let this go!

AlternativePerspective · 21/08/2021 20:45

It’s just a colour. Who cares.

And let’s be honest, you’ll probably only ever look at the pictures once or twice and then they’ll be shoved in a drawer never again to see the light of day.

And anyone who says the OP’s wedding was ruined over this seriously needs to get a grip. It’s the marriage which is important, not what colour people wore at the wedding.

TractorAndHeadphones · 21/08/2021 20:48

@Kettledodger

I also think you are getting a hard time on here. SIL was asked not to wear a particular colour not dance through the fires of hell FFS. If she had an issue (couldn't afford new clothes etc then a quick word with her brother BEFORE the wedding would have been nice IMO. She has issues obviously and has chosen to be PA about it on the day. Very selfish I think.

Exactly @saturdaynightgin. You were never going to get a balanced answer here. MN hates weddings and anyone who makes any request or didn’t get married in a public toilet wearing a potato sack with dishrags for a bouquet is a bridezilla.

Claypotkitchentable · 21/08/2021 20:48

Very controlling of you to tell people what to wear. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to do that.

MsTSwift · 21/08/2021 20:50

We unintentionally did this. Our dds were 6 and 8 and we got them lovely matching dresses that turned out to be the same colour as the wedding. They totally looked like bridesmaids oops.

frazzledasarock · 21/08/2021 20:53

Ask the photographer to change the hue of their clothes a bit in the photos.

I’d do it to be petty.

congratulations on your wedding

AlternativePerspective · 21/08/2021 20:53

Very confused why you wanted to exclude SIL and DN OP confused

Really weird. You're marrying into the family. Just.. weird

Actually thinking that you would have a limit on people in the bridal party in a wedding which had only 24 guests and that every member of the family should be included because someone is “marrying into the family” is bloody weird. Seriously.

I imagine that given it was only 24 people there were plenty of people the OP wasn’t able to invite who probably could also have taken offence, and who some on here would have berated her for doing.

Personally I think that there has never been a better time to have a wedding, all those people you don’t have to invite.

OP I see now from your posts you conceded that you were overreacting. TBH though the people suggesting you cut your sil off and that this would have ruined your day do seriously need to get a grip.

Kithic · 21/08/2021 20:54

I wish people would read threads, at least the op!

Personally, it's a bit odd, but not completely out there

WishIWasSomewhereElse · 21/08/2021 20:56

My sister turned up to my wedding in jeans, after having a strop and wanting my dad to go to her house before taking me to the registry office (which would have made me very late).

I was still grateful she was there, even though she looks the odd one out in the photos. It all makes for wonderful memories, especially if something different happens.

frazzledasarock · 21/08/2021 20:57

Why do people try to make other peoples weddings about themselves?

If your SIL wanted to be part of the wedding she could have told her brother she wanted to be his best woman and he should have her. Nothing to do with who you had as your maid of honour.

My SIL tried to make my wedding about her. She ended up getting told to behave by MIL, and DH is still angry with her. I feel a bit bemused by her and now refuse to involve her in anything. She gets invited as a guest or nothing.

MadgeMak · 21/08/2021 21:01

If the SIL turned up in navy and hadn't be asked or known that was what the bridal party was wearing I too would be saying YABU. But she was asked NOT to wear navy and the day wasn't about her and whatever her angst was.

She turned up in a navy dress with white spots on it, IIRC. Presumably the bridesmaids were in a completely navy dress, or maybe navy with a floral design, she probably didn't look anything like them despite the core colour being the same. We all know that an entirely white or ivory dress as a wedding guest is a no no, but a white dress with a multi coloured floral print or white with black polka dots etc is fine because you are still 100% discernible from the bride, I'd put the SIL in that category with her navy with white polka dots. Unless OP is going to do a massive drip feed and say the bridesmaid were in navy and white polka dot......

Elbie79 · 21/08/2021 21:03

@drpet49

YANBU- she did it on purpose.

Yep

Original poster

saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 21:04

@HintofVintagePink

Impressed you’ve taken all this in good humour OP! Am slightly cringing for you and your DH now though for the time when you both look back at this!

It’s definitely going to be long the same lines as those PFB moments isn’t it

OP posts:

Original poster

saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 21:07

@GreyhoundG1rl no honeymoon for us, unless you count a few days at Thomas Land with the kids as a honeymoon?

OP posts:

Original poster

saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 21:11

@MadgeMak

If the SIL turned up in navy and hadn't be asked or known that was what the bridal party was wearing I too would be saying YABU. But she was asked NOT to wear navy and the day wasn't about her and whatever her angst was.

She turned up in a navy dress with white spots on it, IIRC. Presumably the bridesmaids were in a completely navy dress, or maybe navy with a floral design, she probably didn't look anything like them despite the core colour being the same. We all know that an entirely white or ivory dress as a wedding guest is a no no, but a white dress with a multi coloured floral print or white with black polka dots etc is fine because you are still 100% discernible from the bride, I'd put the SIL in that category with her navy with white polka dots. Unless OP is going to do a massive drip feed and say the bridesmaid were in navy and white polka dot......

DS was in a plain navy full length dress. SIL wore a full length dress which was 90% navy with some white flowers at the bottom. Very similar in shape.

Fwiw - other SIL wore an ivory dress (almost identical to mine) with green flowers on. Didn’t bother me cos it looked nothing like a wedding dress

OP posts: