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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL did this intentionally?

426 replies

saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 17:57

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

OP posts:
Original poster
saturdaynightgin · 21/08/2021 19:58

@Bluntness100

Well op you have your answer, what more do you both need?
Nothing?

I haven’t asked for anything. Would you prefer I just stopped commenting?

OP posts:
trappistkepler · 21/08/2021 20:00

totally ridiculous, who dictates what colour people should not wear, good on your sister in law for flipping the bird on that one

Northernparent68 · 21/08/2021 20:01

You’re getting a hard time on this thread, it was rude of your sil, distance yourself from her and try not to let it ruin memories of your wedding

PolytheneRam · 21/08/2021 20:04

I don't even know what a bridal party is

Dalooah · 21/08/2021 20:04

I'm going to go against the grain here and say YANBU. I'd be really pissed off if my SIL did that- and she definitely did it on purpose. I'm not a fan of being asked not to wear XYZ, but that was your choice and she should have respected it- if a navy dress and suit was all she had, she could and should have made it clear to you prior to the wedding. I think this a passive aggressive 'power move'. Aggh this post has triggered me, as I'm currently feeling very posed off with my SIL. I'd be getting the photographer to photoshop to change the colours of her and her sons outfits. Muhahahahah Grin

Lennybenny · 21/08/2021 20:05

YANBU! Your DH noticed, that should be enough as it's his sister. She was obviously doing it to annoy you. Take the high road and accept she's probably always going to be like this....and get the pics photoshopped without her in them in a couple and make sure she can see them....but keep the others too as they were part of your day.

GreyhoundG1rl · 21/08/2021 20:05

I'd be getting the photographer to photoshop to change the colours of her and her sons outfits. Muhahahahah grin
God love you...

Northernparent68 · 21/08/2021 20:05

@saturdaynightgin

I’ve showed DH the replies. We accept that we are being unreasonable - but we didn’t think it was odd or rude to ask guests not to wear the colours of the bridal party as that’s all we’ve experienced being guests ourselves.

Thank you for the head wobble Smile

You’re not being unreasonable and it’s not an usual request. Your sil is rude and odd
Lennybenny · 21/08/2021 20:07

You're also nbu about colour choices either....a lot of people request certain colours. She showed up in the colour AND got the same suits....

Lorw · 21/08/2021 20:08

Going against the grain here, it was a small wedding with close family members and if a family member had asked me not to wear a certain colour I wouldn’t have because that’s what you do for family. The fact your sister in law intentionally wore the exact colour you asked her not to for your wedding day is just shit of her. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wouldn’t get upset about it though, just edit them out 😁 or edit the colour 😂

AveryGoodlay · 21/08/2021 20:09

It may have been the only appropriate outfit she had. And I'm sure you wouldn't have expected her to buy a brand new one.

Tbh I'd be embarrassed to request or for my partner to request specific colours being worn or not being worn.

I'd also feel really sad that my spouse let this bother them or even notice this as I'd want the day to be about getting married, the commitment and having fun with our guests rather than outfits.

blubberyboo · 21/08/2021 20:10

Most men wear navy suits to weddings now and is it possible your bridal party ones were purchased from a high street store such as Next? In which case it’s hardly surprising they were the same as it’s bloody hard to kit a lad out for a wedding as there is limited choice.

Also many women choose navy as it’s flattering so she probably didn’t want to look massive in the photos beside all the flattering images of the bridal party.

It’s really CF to tell people what to wear
So massively you and your wonderful DH are BU

Kettledodger · 21/08/2021 20:10

I also think you are getting a hard time on here. SIL was asked not to wear a particular colour not dance through the fires of hell FFS. If she had an issue (couldn't afford new clothes etc then a quick word with her brother BEFORE the wedding would have been nice IMO. She has issues obviously and has chosen to be PA about it on the day. Very selfish I think.

8misskitty8 · 21/08/2021 20:10

Yes, she’s done it deliberately to piss you off. Has she done anything else similar ?

At my wedding one of my friends asked me what colour the bridesmaids were wearing and turned up on the day in the same colour outfit.

WorriedWishingWell · 21/08/2021 20:11

It's a wedding not a theatrical production

Daphnise · 21/08/2021 20:12

Are you very controlling? To attempt to dictate colours worn by guests is to invite people like your SIL to do what she did- and in some ways it serves you right.
Without your attempt at dress control which revealed the colours. it probably would all have been OK!

lyntheyresexpeople · 21/08/2021 20:12

I'm sorry, but I absolutely don't believe you've been to "loads" of weddings, where guests have been asked not to wear a certain colour.
I've been to loads too, and this has never happened. It's common etiquette not to wear white - but absolutely no one avoids the colour of the suits or bridesmaid dresses. Most people don't know the colours until they show up!

Alternista · 21/08/2021 20:13

Dear god people, RTFT.
OP has accepted they were being unreasonable.

pollylocketpickedapocket · 21/08/2021 20:14

@Nobloat21

I can't imagine telling people not to wear certain colours.
Well it’s not your wedding. Op did and someone ignored that and it’s a piss take.
GreyhoundG1rl · 21/08/2021 20:15

Aren't you on honeymoon, op? It's quite tragic that the pair of you are allowing this nonsense to occupy such headspace, the week after the wedding?

Rachelthegreat · 21/08/2021 20:15

I went to a family wedding where the bride was adamant nobody should wear a pink dress, it said it very clearly in the invite, no pink dresses.

So I bought a pair of 6” barbie pink stilettos and wore them with a light coloured dress.

The look on her face was priceless, she was absolutely raging inside (very annoying, rude, abrupt cousin that I didn’t care about annoying)

Coffeepot72 · 21/08/2021 20:15

Of course she did it on purpose. Just pretend you didn’t notice

pollylocketpickedapocket · 21/08/2021 20:17

@PolytheneRam

I don't even know what a bridal party is
I’ve not been to a wedding for 30 years and I know what a bridal party is. Don’t be a twat.
FartleBarfle · 21/08/2021 20:20

@WorriedWishingWell I think this is spot on. I was going to say earlier people that try to control too many aspects it's like they are making a film and they are the director or something.

It doesn't sound like it's just the OP either, seeing as they have claimed they have been told what they can wear at weddings too and thought this was normal. Worryingly it sounds like it could become more common in future. People have stopped understanding what is important and think they have to coordinate some kind of perfectly orchestrated and controlled day. It's a lot of pressure to be put under, no wonder people are coming to forums getting upset over things a lot of us find totally trivial. Life is so complicated these days!

Voicefancier · 21/08/2021 20:20

Why be so fussed over having a bridal party at all when you've only got 24 peoole there? Why weren't they all part of the bridal party? Everyone knows who the bridesmaid and best man are, so it sounds like you're trying to exclude people. And navy blue is such a common colour for formal wear. I'm lying on the bed and I have 5 navy dresses hanging on the outside of my wardrobe. I'd struggle to find a wedding party dress not in navy. As for her son wearing the same suit as your DH and DS, I think that's adorable. Does it matter if they look part of the bridal party? They're family, why is them not feeling part of the bridal party important to you?

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