To think SIL did this intentionally?

[saturdaynightgin]

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

Can’t believe people would actually think this is important

What possible impact could this have had on your wedding day, your marriage or your life?

And to tell people not to wear navy in case they look like part of the wedding party- go forbid that a relative, or even a guest, look like they are a significant part of your day.

I really, really hope that you've taken on board the responses here and reassessed your priorities in life. You should be still high on the emotions of marrying the man you love.

OMG, find something real to worry about.

PS: Congratulations.

I don't get the responses on here?
Course she did it on purpose, there are eleventy billion colours she and her DS could of worn, but especially after you said not navy?

I'd have risen an eyebrow too OP. YANBU

Thank you for all the congratulations by the way, we had a lovely day

For those that cba to read the full thread:
-We’ve accepted we’re unreasonable
-We’re not upset/angry/letting it spoilt the memory of our day
-Our honeymoon starts tomorrow with the drive to Thomas Land with the kids

Oh and one more - we’re not cutting anyone off/distancing ourselves from anyone.

Thanks for all the input

How very reasonable, are you sure you don't want to refuse to be in the same room as her for the rest of your life?

It still seems to me quite mad to even have the concept of the ‘wedding party’ vs ‘just plain guests’ when there are only 24 people in total, including the bride and groom.

@Nobloat21

I can't imagine telling people not to wear certain colours.

I totally agree. You cannot tell people what to or what not to wear to your wedding. To do so is totally self obsessed and over the top. Madness.....

It’s a wedding. A small one at that. You were all part of ‘the bridal party’ or whatever. Blaaaaady hell.

Actually, this would annoy me a bit too op.
If I was asked not to wear a certain colour to my siblings wedding- I would'nt.
so Yes I feel your sil has dressed in navy on purpose.

Congratulations though and enjoy the honey moon" choo, choo"!

What about weddings where it’s black tie? Is it ok then to dictate what people wear. Same as asking not to wear a navy dress.

(Personally I think black tie is pretentious and only acceptable on something like NYE).

It's normal to request that guests avoid particular colours, and it's normal as a guest to ask if you should avoid any colours. Known both to happen many times.

Your mistake was to post this in AIBU on a weekend.

How you wanted to celebrate getting married is irrelevant, your SIL deliberately ignored your request and had been awkward about the food already so I'm guessing there's a back story regarding her behaviour. That's why it's irked your husband so much. Was she trying to make the day all about her because she didn't like that he was going to be the centre of attention?

I’ve never known it that people are asking not to wear certain colours! If asked and she did it anyway guess she’s making a point which is a bit rude, but so is being asked not to dress in a certain colour

YANBU, it’s the one time in your life when you can live the dream of being a small scale despot! And no one should stamp on that. But, as we know from the history of dictatorships, there’s always a coup.

Congratulations on your wedding!

@saturdaynightgin

DH and I got married this week. It was a small wedding - parents, siblings and a few friends as guests, 24 in total, including us.

The bridal party consisted of DH and I, my sister as maid of honour and DH’s best man, plus our children as flower girl and page boy.

We asked that our guests didn’t wear navy as that was the colour of the suits/bridesmaid dresses. Both sets of parents were happy with this, our friends and siblings were happy, even SIL said she happy.

The day of the wedding SIL turns up in a navy dress, albeit with some white on the skirt, and nephew (13) is in the exact same suit and waistcoat as DH and DS. So in photos, it looks like they’re part of the bridal party.

AIBU to be annoyed at SIL and think she did this intentionally? DH had shown her photos of the suit in the weeks leading up to the wedding, so she knew what he’d be wearing!

I wouldn't have let her or her son be in any photos and I'd ask the photographer to edit her out of any they did get in.

What a bitch.

Congratulations op.

Fwiw, I would be annoyed if I were you. Its your day, you can do what you like.

I wouldn't have let her or her son be in any photos and I'd ask the photographer to edit her out of any they did get in.
What is the actual harm that she looked as if she was one of the elite bridal party rather than one of the z list guests?

She's op's dh's sister, and you'd advocate whitewashing her out of the photos to pretend she wasn't even there?

Yes I would. She deliberately went against what was asked of her. If she felt so strongly she should have declined the invitation. She's a rude bitch, imo.

Wow 😂

And I'd probably start a rumour that I was pg at her next big event. Two can play silly bollocks.

I'd be annoyed too, I've been to weddings before where the bridesmaid colours been mentioned not to wear (not groomsman though) - all she had to do was tell you that her chosen outfit was navy and your nephew only had a navy suit and you wouldn't be surprised.

I don't get the hate for being told not to wear a specific colour. There's a heap of other colours to choose from.

YANBU

Can't believe how many people think otherwise.

Yeah she probably did it intentionally and wanted to fit in with the bridal party. Her issue. Glad you had a great time and congratulations.

People do need guidance sometimes as to what type of event it is. I've been to weddings that are barn dances in a farm yard to sophisticated black tie events in posh hotels.

A dress code is useful information to provide to guests so they can dress appropriately.

I am currently invited to a wedding and being told to "wear whatever you like, we just want you to be comfortable" I would actually be more comfortable if I knew a dress code so dressed for the occasion.

I love hats at formal events but if everyone else is jeans and a T-shirt and I'm in a formal suit with hat then I'd feel a pillock. Likewise in reverse. By not providing any dress code they are making it more difficult for me and making me feel less comfortable. Which is what they said they wanted to avoid.

YANBU
She did it on purpose and blatantly ignored your wishes.
Probably felt like she had her nose put out of joint for not being originally included in the bridal party. Entitled woman!

@DrSbaitso

Probably, but why does it matter under?

Sounds as though she was hurt that your sister was in the bridal party and she, as his sister, wasn't. I'm inclined to think she might have had a point, we made sure all siblings were included even though that did mean quite a few people.

Wouldn't have told people what colour they couldn't wear either.

No. She has no point as it's not her given right to be a bridesmaid. The bride chooses based on who she wants, not who is related to whom.