Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister and I just had a blazing row - am I wrong?

116 replies

Forever27 · 21/08/2021 14:07

Normally we get on fine and I love her dearly, she is my only sibling after all but we've just had a huge argument which resulted in her storming out of my house and sending me multiple texts saying I'm a "nasty person". For context - my parents have helped both of us financially but in different ways. They gave me a cash gift of £5,000 and they paid for new furniture for my sister when she moved into her new house. This was because she lived with my parents previously so didn't have any furniture of her own. They gave me cash as I'd already been renting for many years before buying my flat and I was taking my furniture with me. I used the £5,000 to bump up my deposit and pay the solicitors fees.

I'm not exactly sure how much they spent on my sister as I've never asked. Quite frankly, I don't care as it's not a competition. They've helped both of us when they weren't obliged to (we're both adults after all) and for that I'll always be grateful. My sister moved last year and I moved around 6 months ago and ever since she's been really "off" with me. She's made several comments about how lucky I am that our parents helped me which of course is true, but they've also helped her to Hmm. She would have been sitting on garden furniture in her living room if it wasn't for our parents. Once they'd (sister and her partner) paid the deposit, mortgage fees etc they were skint.

Whilst I'm grateful and feel extremely lucky that my parents helped me, technically they didn't need to as I had the money to buy already saved up. They helped because they wanted to.
My sister came over earlier for a brew and mentioned again how lucky I was that our parents had helped me otherwise I wouldn't have been able to buy "my lovely house" (her words, not mine) which is clearly not true. She knows that to. I'm not sure how she can begrudge me the help when they helped her too?! I don't think she has any right to be pissed off but if she is she needs to take it up with our parents, not me. I don't bring the subject up as I know it will cause arguments but she can't help herself making shitty comments.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Whinginadeville · 21/08/2021 14:10

No but you need to thrash it out and honestly did she have £5,000 in furniture? Still not your fault and she needs to get some perspective.

Scautish · 21/08/2021 14:11

Sounds like you got the better deal, you know it but you are trying to convince yourself that it’s all fair.

So I think I sympathise with your sister. You also sound a little smug about it.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 21/08/2021 14:18

I lived with garden furniture/bean bags and a blow up bed.

Nothing wrong in that.

She might not have known you’d the money saved. She may not know the extent to which your parents helped you to buy your home. You say it is clearly untrue (that you would have been unable to purchase without their help). To her it may not be.

The eye rolling? I hope that doesn’t filter into real life. The post just feels a bit sneery to me.

I don’t think her comments have been shitty. You have been lucky.

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 21/08/2021 14:19

In all honesty, when you say you don’t care about how much she got and you got and that’s it not a competition - as much as I’m sure you mean that in a nice way, I think you should care if she got significantly less. Because surely you can see how that would make her feel? Why wouldn’t you want things to be fair? It’s easy to say it’s not a competition when you’re the one that clearly got the better deal.

Aprilx · 21/08/2021 14:21

Yes Y probably ABU. It certainly sounds like you got the better deal here, although not your fault, you do seem to be fake surprised that she has noticed.

Bagamoyo1 · 21/08/2021 14:22

Your sister clearly thinks you’ve had more money than her. She may be right. Unless you ask you’ll never know. Maybe she’s had more than you.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 21/08/2021 14:26

You say it's not a competition because you got more than she did.

It doesn't sound like she was particularly shitty either. Just mentioned it.

Sceptre86 · 21/08/2021 14:26

Whether she had more money than you is something she should be taking up with your parents if she feels aggrieved. I'd be inclined to think she had more as furniture is expensive. Our suite cost us £4k and we didn't go for anything particularly expensive.

You should have raised it then and there and told her to back off. That if your parents could help her they could help you and that isn't is there money to spend as they wish.

Original poster
Forever27 · 21/08/2021 14:28

I sound smug? Really? Wow, okay.
I completely agree that I've been very lucky and even said that in my op, but so has my sister. What's wrong with that?

As I said, I'm not sure how much they spent on her as I don't believe it's my place to ask but I know what items they bought her -

A corner sofa, living room set - tv stand, coffee table and a sideboard, a fridge freezer, a wardrobe and a chest of drawers, a bed for the spare room and other small items such as a kettle, toaster and microwave, bins etc. I have no idea how much it all adds up to but that's what she asked for..

OP posts:
treesinthesun · 21/08/2021 14:30

Does she know how much you received? Is it that you got cash instead of furniture

Maybe she thinks you got more money than you did - ask her how much her furniture was - it should be easy enough to sort out - factually you can compare the amount

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/08/2021 14:31

Her resentment should be aimed at your parents. Any perceived injustice is on them. You’re not a nasty person, she’s jealous and it’s not a good look.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 21/08/2021 14:31

I am sorry OP but now you are just coming across as knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing.

You say it isn’t a competition. You are making it sound as though it is on your part.

Bluntness100 · 21/08/2021 14:33

It is wholly possible based on your list she got much less than you. However she needs to take it up with your parents.

I also suspect if you got much less than her you’d be far less magnanimous.

Original poster
Forever27 · 21/08/2021 14:34

@SheldonesqueTheBstard if I come across that way then I'm sorry, but I never talk about it. She's the one that brings it up. I moved 6 months ago and just want to move on with my life and enjoy my new home. I wish she would too.

OP posts:
TempName01 · 21/08/2021 14:34

Can’t you message her and say ‘look sis, I’m really confused why you are angry about the money our parent gave me for the house as I was led to believe you were given an equal amount for furniture, is that not the case?’

DowntonCrabby · 21/08/2021 14:35

@AnneLovesGilbert

Her resentment should be aimed at your parents. Any perceived injustice is on them. You’re not a nasty person, she’s jealous and it’s not a good look.
THIS
picklemewalnuts · 21/08/2021 14:37

I think you have to ask her.

'Look, I don't understand why we are fighting! What are you cross with me about? Do you think mum and dad have given me more than they gave you? I assumed we were both helped similarly, in the way we needed at the time'.

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 21/08/2021 14:38

[quote Forever27]@SheldonesqueTheBstard if I come across that way then I'm sorry, but I never talk about it. She's the one that brings it up. I moved 6 months ago and just want to move on with my life and enjoy my new home. I wish she would too. [/quote]
But surely you can see that if she did actually get a lot less than you, it’s not so easy for her. Of course she’s going to feel bitter and resentful. None of that is your fault but some understanding and empathy would go a really long way.

ineedaholidaynow · 21/08/2021 14:38

Did she have to pay market rent whilst living with your parents, has she benefitted more from them by doing that?

Hadalifeonce · 21/08/2021 14:38

Does she think you got a load more than you actually did?

Knittingupastorm · 21/08/2021 14:38

I understand your sister feels hard done by, but she’s being unreasonable to keep bringing it up with comments about how lucky you are. What does she want you to do with that exactly?

Umbra · 21/08/2021 14:38

I don't think you sound smug. Bemused, yes.

Holly60 · 21/08/2021 14:39

Yeah if it was my sibling I would have just said- ‘well how much did your furniture come to? Mum and dad gave me £5,000, does that sound about right?’ And if it wasn’t the same I would be saying to her that I completely get why she is upset and would support her in a chat to parents.

To be honest it is on your parents too because they should have said ‘we paid x amount for your furniture so we are giving the same to your sister’ to make sure there was no resentment

QueenBee52 · 21/08/2021 14:39

@Whinginadeville

No but you need to thrash it out and honestly did she have £5,000 in furniture? Still not your fault and she needs to get some perspective.

this..

and you don't sound Smug at all.. you sound rational and honest and she sounds not very nice at all..

stop taking this crap and tell her straight 🌸

QueenBee52 · 21/08/2021 14:40

@Forever27

I sound smug? Really? Wow, okay. I completely agree that I've been very lucky and even said that in my op, but so has my sister. What's wrong with that?

As I said, I'm not sure how much they spent on her as I don't believe it's my place to ask but I know what items they bought her -

A corner sofa, living room set - tv stand, coffee table and a sideboard, a fridge freezer, a wardrobe and a chest of drawers, a bed for the spare room and other small items such as a kettle, toaster and microwave, bins etc. I have no idea how much it all adds up to but that's what she asked for..

don't bite OP..

posters relish it 🌸

Swipe left for the next trending thread