11 year old and off out with mates

[Livvielo]

DD (11) off to senior school in September, has been asked by her mate (also 11) to catch the train with her to the seaside - also has a theme park there- tomorrow.
DD has not actually been much further than our street, and to the little park just behind our house, where she ‘hangs out’ with friends. She has a 7pm curfew, but I can also see her most of the time from our bedroom window.
We are aware her friends have more freedom than she has.
My partner is all for it and says once she starts seniors, she will probably want to be out and about all the time so why not start now.
Me on the other hand, thinks it’s jumping to the extreme to travel with her mate 30 mins on the train, and end up going wherever she likes without me knowing where she is.
So aibu? Is my partner right?
I guess I’m worried about this next part of her life. And so as not to drip feed- there was an incident in the theme park today, that has been reported in the local news. A fight broke out and reportedly, the park was evacuated. Social media reports state there was a ‘gang with knives.’
This sort of thing has not been reported there before, however I am on edge about it!!

Nope I think she's too young. My 11 year old is allowed up to the local shop which is 10 minutes away with friends only. Not a hope of him being allowed to get a train.

That’s a non-negotiable no from me.

Nope. Too young. It’s one thing going to park and keeping local but this is too much too soon

@ButterflyBitch

Does she have a phone so she can get in touch with you? My son has gone to the park and the woods for a walk with friends. They still play like little kids so don’t want to go much further right now. Can she be trusted to be sensible?

I think that generally you shouldn't let your child do something with a phone that you wouldn't be happy for them to do without a phone. Phones are really handy im emergencies, but they can also be lost/broken/stolen. Having one doesn't automatically mean you are safe.

Nope! No way.

It’s a no from me. Dd is 11 (going into yr 7) and hasn’t been anywhere by herself, aside from a few walks to summer school this year. I would trust ds (13) more to be sensible, but I’d say he’s still a good year off.

I have a child the same age. No, absolutely not.

@Livvielo

I’m glad I’m not the only one not comfortable with this. Quite a lot of her fiends are already allowed out to catch the bus into town, and many of them have ‘when it gets dark’ curfews. DD says she feels like the odd one out.

Why not start with letting her get the bus to town as a compromise. At 11 I was allow to walk or bis to town with mates. I wouldn't have been allowed on train rides to seasides though

My DD is 10, very nearly 11, and about to go into year 6. She walks or bikes to school and back (1.5 miles) and has done since beginning of year 5, and goes to the park and our local shops, bikes to her granddad's house in the next village and is basically feral during the holidays. But even I would draw the line at getting the train to a busy seaside down 30 minutes away!

She can’t go from 0 to 100 overnight. She’s got to build up. Big difference between going to the park at the top of the road to going to the seaside on the train.

Maybe she can start off by going up to the local high street with a friend with a set curfew maybe 2 hours. She can build up trust with you and become more streetwise.

She’ll need to learn to sense dodgy shit and dodgy people. It takes time and experience and building up.

That said I don’t understand the types who won’t let their children out unaccompanied until 13/14 etc. How are they supposed to learn? I wasn’t given much freedom as a kid and had negative experiences when I finally got out because I was just so green and naive.

I usually come onto these threads and I’m stunned by how little freedom some kids are given, and I’m the first to say loosen those apron strings.

But there’s absolutely no way I would let an 11 year old do this! Particularly Southend!! It’s rough and 11 year olds need to be accompanied, or at least someone nearby.

Ds is nearly 12. He wouldn't be allowed. He can go to the park (round the corner, out of sight) until 9 if he's with friends. Luckily, I know his mates' mind, so we can call bullshit when the:"Johnny can do/ play x" starts.

Sorry, his mates' mums!

Been teaching a long time, so I can probably read his mates ' minds though

@JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil

She can’t go from 0 to 100 overnight. She’s got to build up. Big difference between going to the park at the top of the road to going to the seaside on the train.

Maybe she can start off by going up to the local high street with a friend with a set curfew maybe 2 hours. She can build up trust with you and become more streetwise.

She’ll need to learn to sense dodgy shit and dodgy people. It takes time and experience and building up.

That said I don’t understand the types who won’t let their children out unaccompanied until 13/14 etc. How are they supposed to learn? I wasn’t given much freedom as a kid and had negative experiences when I finally got out because I was just so green and naive.

Yes thank you this is a good idea for the next step. We aren’t too far away from a relatively safe, but busy high street. So to go there and back alone with a friend should be our first steps to ‘letting her go’

Livvielo

I’m glad I’m not the only one not comfortable with this. Quite a lot of her fiends are already allowed out to catch the bus into town, and many of them have ‘when it gets dark’ curfews. DD says she feels like the odd one out.

I was going to say she's lying, but maybe she needs different friends.

I grew up in Romford and I was definitely more sheltered than the local kids. I was allowed to stay at the local fair only after being dropped off by my mum. However, this led to me being a very proficient liar in order to do what I wanted to anyway, so I think you need to better connect with the parents.

Where I live lots of children have to catch a train to secondary school so the train journey wouldn't bother me at 11, but your daughter won't be allowed in to Adventure Island as under 12s have to be accompanied by an adult.

Wouldnt allow this. Way too much freedom when she hasnt been used to it.
What would she do if they got separated? Or someone approached them at the theme park?. Just remind her you are the parent.

No not at 11. I was doing "west end"
trips at 13 but I grew up in North London so it was a 20/25 min hop. I was 11 in 1980 and my Mum would never have allowed that. No is a complete answer as Mumsnet would say. She's a child, you don't need an excuse. She's too young.

Presumably these 11 or 12 year olds have been in lockdown for a very long time and haven't had the slow development of street smarts? So not unreasonable to say, this first time, I will drive you. They need to learn sometime but are probably all a bit developmentally delayed in this regard.

@Mamamia7962

Where I live lots of children have to catch a train to secondary school so the train journey wouldn't bother me at 11, but your daughter won't be allowed in to Adventure Island as under 12s have to be accompanied by an adult.

So even if she fibbed and said she was already 12, it’s likely their insurance wouldn’t cover her if anything went wrong.

This is from their website t&c’s -
No child or children under the age of 12 will be admitted to the Attraction unless they are accompanied by an adult aged 18 years or over and such child or children whilst on site must remain under the control or supervision of an adult at all times

I’m a fairly relaxed parent, but even I’d be saying no to this at 11! But allowing a bus into town is a fairly common freedom allowed at year 7 age (even my mum had that rule back in the dark ages 😂) so I’d maybe start there. Or as you say, accompanying them to the seaside but letting them go off on their own for a couple of hours.

My dd is 12 in September and there is no way I’d let her do this.

I know where you mean and no it's rough as arseholes. Was there recently with dd 10 and felt very scary.

Southend?

Not a fucking hope woukd I let an 11yo go there with a friend.

After subscribing to the online Hampshire News, I'm less than keen to go there myself anymore (used to go once or twice a year to meet up with friends)

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer

I’m a fairly relaxed parent, but even I’d be saying no to this at 11! But allowing a bus into town is a fairly common freedom allowed at year 7 age (even my mum had that rule back in the dark ages 😂) so I’d maybe start there. Or as you say, accompanying them to the seaside but letting them go off on their own for a couple of hours.

Yeah, at other places that would be reasonable, but not Southend. So sad though as it used to be great.