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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Always playing taxi in a relationship!

112 replies

Clioblossom123 · 19/08/2021 14:58

So me and partner both work but im on maternity leave.
He's self employed and always seems to find jobs in his old home town which is 30 mins away (he doesn't know the people)

Im always happy to do everything around the house (Even before mat leave) and im always going out my way for him (just the way i am, he doesnt have to lift a finger in the house, i also get up with baby all night even on weekends )

but since we had the baby im fed up of him assuming I'll take him to and from work when the baby hates the car and screams all the way there and back.(hes a few weeks old)

He's working in a area which is dangerous to get to atm, the junctions are blocked from parked cars and you cant see if cars are coming and I've made my point of how dangerous is it but it doesn't make a difference.

Even if it wasn't a bad place, i think he should start taking on jobs either closer or price them up so he can get there and back everyday.(Hes not interested in driving at all) I never get fuel money but his parents do when they take him now and again.

Im not that bothered about the fuel but my insurance is limited to so many miles a year and if this keeps up ill be over the limit, plus if anything goes wrong with my car due to so many miles its doing, i have to pay every penny....

I never say no to him but I feel like he gets miserable with me when i point out the journey has upsets the baby again in the back as hes crying or how its running up my miles but he still phones me next day to say he's ready to be picked up now..

i understand he needs to get there and back but why rely on me when i only rely on myself (we pay 50:50 bills to everything except the car as its mine)

My question is not to be bashed
but I'd like to hear from both sides (drivers- non drivers) your opinions please?

OP posts:
onlyk · 19/08/2021 15:01

How did he get about before you went on maternity

araiwa · 19/08/2021 15:01

How the fuck can someone be self-employed and require to go places and not be able to drive

Chunkymenrock · 19/08/2021 15:04

He may not be 'interested' in driving, but it looks as if he will have to just get on and do it. It's a necessity in your situation. Has he investigated car sharing?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/08/2021 15:04

Non driver and single parent here. YANBU. I manage to get myself to work.

Clymene · 19/08/2021 15:04

My opinion is that he's treated you like his servant throughout your relationship so I'm a little unclear why you would expect him to change now.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 19/08/2021 15:08

What araiwa said. If you don't drive, you can't take on jobs that require you to get somewhere inaccessible on public transport. Ridiculous.

Original poster
Clioblossom123 · 19/08/2021 15:09

@clymene well because it upsets the baby Confused but i get where you're coming from. My friend has the same opinion as you. I do too much so he maybe expects it all the time. Thanks for your reply Smile

OP posts:
Clymene · 19/08/2021 15:11

[quote Clioblossom123]@clymene well because it upsets the baby Confused but i get where you're coming from. My friend has the same opinion as you. I do too much so he maybe expects it all the time. Thanks for your reply Smile[/quote]
Men like him don't suddenly step up when they have a baby, sorry. He's a lazy selfish arse and he will continue to be one. As you've now discovered.

AluckyEllie · 19/08/2021 15:12

What is the point of him if he does nothing around the house, nothing with the baby and treats you like a taxi? He should be paying half the costs of running the car as he seems to be getting over half the use!

Unanananana · 19/08/2021 15:13

Say no? You need to put your foot down and stop being a skivvy in general. What will he do when you go back to work?

He is stupid by having a job that he cannot get to by himself. I couldn't respect a partner I had to run around like a child either. Being able to drive is something I need in a partner as I have my own work/kids etc to deal with. He needs to learn to drive then shoulder the further expense of his own car.

Sounds tortuous for your tiny baby as well.

Greystray · 19/08/2021 15:48

It may also negatively impact the baby to grow up seeing his mother playing servant to his father, if you need to see everything through that lense.

You're worthy of respect and being treated well whether you're a mother or not. I suspect you're not fully "happy to do everything". If it was just a case of your natural disposition you would have no trouble in refusing things you don't want to do.

Tell him no more rides to/from work. He can make his own arrangements. Then think about how nice it would be if you weren't doing all the cleaning up after three people when one of them is fully capable of cleaning up after himself. (This sort of act won't do your son any favours in the future either. It's unlikely he will run into his own handmaiden.)

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 19/08/2021 15:52

It might be your car but he's the one getting the most use out of it by the sounds of it so he should be splitting the cost of it too!

JanisJ · 19/08/2021 15:52

He needs to fucking learn to drive!

KupoNutCoffee · 19/08/2021 16:01

What is he actually doing? In some ways, just because he's self-employed doesn't mean he has much choice over where he works. If no-one is contacting from your local area, but he's had a recommendation in the old area - he's going to do that over nothing. But it sounds like he's getting a free ride from you, and needs to account for your cost in his calculation as to if a job's worth accepting.

While an adult should get a job they can get to themselves, relying on someone for transport is a reasonable arrangement if it works. Up until now its been okay, it's fine that it doesn't work for you and the baby now and you can change it. How did he do it before? Are you happy to accept he might not be working as much if there are no jobs to do nearby.

It seems you do too much anyway, and he takes advantage of that. It does seem a good time to discuss equalling off the work load if it bothers you.

Original poster
Clioblossom123 · 19/08/2021 16:26

@kuponutcoffee his parents used to take him and I'd take him on weekends if i was off work. But it seems now im on mat leave its down to me and his parents say baby needs to get used to the car, but that's not the case, i work around the baby and if it upsets him I'm not going to do it as the baby is only a few weeks old.

Thing is, his parents are happy to take him when they can but he doesnt want to put it on them but will happily put it on me. I understand a relationship is helping each other out but im saying no for reasons, not because i can't be bothered to give him a lift.

If he couldnt find work closer thats fair enough but there are buses into where he works but he refuses to get a bus.

Thats how i feel as if he's saying "if you dont take me or pick me up, i wont work and i cant pay the bills" but like i said theres other transport available. He does add price of fuel into the job but i never seem to get it anymore.

If his parents take him once and i take him twice, he'll give them fuel money and not me Hmm

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 19/08/2021 16:29

I am one of those women who will only date men who can drive. My now DH put his foot down and insisted I learn, so I did. What would happen if you tried that.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/08/2021 16:31

He needs to get the bus. Tough shit if he doesn't like it. I get the bus because I can't drive, it's not up to other people to ferry me around.

Hemingwaycat · 19/08/2021 16:34

but he refuses to get a bus.

He’s a total twat. You can’t be a non-driver and also refuse to use public transport. Tell him to get a bicycle.

Akire · 19/08/2021 16:34

Oh my! It might work at the moment even if baby is getting upset but is this a long term thing? Using family time at weekend stuck in the car driving him to jobs? Unless very very good reason that can’t drive because of medical condition he needs sort a bike or learn drive or change jobs.

Resentment will only grow and he should be paying you for wear tear petrol and increase miles for insurance.

GrrrlPwr · 19/08/2021 16:38

You need to look at this Instagram account and check out her 'people pleasers express' posts.
Thisisvirginiakerr

Put your baby first. Not an inconsiderate adult.

TurdCrapley · 19/08/2021 16:40

Uh yeah, just say no. Tough shit mate, get the bus.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/08/2021 16:42

I say this gently, but you are being a total doormat, and your partner is a selfish, lazy twat. Tell him no more rides and he needs to learn to drive. FFS. Self-employed and doesn't drive?

HollowTalk · 19/08/2021 16:44

@Aquamarine1029

I say this gently, but you are being a total doormat, and your partner is a selfish, lazy twat. Tell him no more rides and he needs to learn to drive. FFS. Self-employed and doesn't drive?
Exactly this.
RedHelenB · 19/08/2021 16:48

@Clymene

My opinion is that he's treated you like his servant throughout your relationship so I'm a little unclear why you would expect him to change now.
I agree. Put your foot down but I've a feeling he'll emotionally blackmail you into continuing to be his chauffer.
Dishwashersaurous · 19/08/2021 16:51

His parents take him to work.

And you chose to have a child this man.

Do not drive him to work, and seriously start planning a life without him