Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Always playing taxi in a relationship!

112 replies

Clioblossom123 · 19/08/2021 14:58

So me and partner both work but im on maternity leave.
He's self employed and always seems to find jobs in his old home town which is 30 mins away (he doesn't know the people)

Im always happy to do everything around the house (Even before mat leave) and im always going out my way for him (just the way i am, he doesnt have to lift a finger in the house, i also get up with baby all night even on weekends )

but since we had the baby im fed up of him assuming I'll take him to and from work when the baby hates the car and screams all the way there and back.(hes a few weeks old)

He's working in a area which is dangerous to get to atm, the junctions are blocked from parked cars and you cant see if cars are coming and I've made my point of how dangerous is it but it doesn't make a difference.

Even if it wasn't a bad place, i think he should start taking on jobs either closer or price them up so he can get there and back everyday.(Hes not interested in driving at all) I never get fuel money but his parents do when they take him now and again.

Im not that bothered about the fuel but my insurance is limited to so many miles a year and if this keeps up ill be over the limit, plus if anything goes wrong with my car due to so many miles its doing, i have to pay every penny....

I never say no to him but I feel like he gets miserable with me when i point out the journey has upsets the baby again in the back as hes crying or how its running up my miles but he still phones me next day to say he's ready to be picked up now..

i understand he needs to get there and back but why rely on me when i only rely on myself (we pay 50:50 bills to everything except the car as its mine)

My question is not to be bashed
but I'd like to hear from both sides (drivers- non drivers) your opinions please?

OP posts:

Mintjulia · 19/08/2021 16:56

For goodness sake, learn to say no. He's wasting your time and leaving you with an upset baby.
You can't be at his beck and call (literally) for the rest of your life.

MattHancocksSexTape · 19/08/2021 17:01

we pay 50:50 bills to everything except the car as its mine

But he’s getting the benefit of the car? He should be paying you fuel and a bit extra.

LadyJaye · 19/08/2021 17:04

I've been self-employed, and if a client required on-site visits, then my ability to take on that work was limited by their location (I'm a driver, btw, and have been for 25 years) - I live in the west of Scotland, so if a prospective client was in, say, Guernsey, I couldn't exactly nip over for a 30-minute project stand up.

Similarly, your 'D'P (I use that D charitably) needs to cut his cloth to fit his pocket - if he can't drive and is seemingly incapable of getting a bus or riding a bike, then his ability to accept work in areas outwith walking distance is limited.

What does he do (and how old is he that his parents are facilitating his getting to work)?

I've never met a self-employed person who either didn't have their own transport or access to a good public transport network, i.e. London.

Kenneldogsrock · 19/08/2021 17:08

You need to say no. My sister was in your position. When she left him and nobody could take him to work long term - guess what? He suddenly had to learn to drive. Say no now otherwise you will be doing it for years like my dsis.

Dacquoise · 19/08/2021 17:16

His parents used to drive him to and from work and now you do. Good grief, this is what you do with your children when they are at primary school!

This usually stops at senior school and then you learn to drive when you're old enough to work.

Your partner has swapped his own parents to being parented by you. He also doesn't seem to care about his own child's comfort. What is wrong with this man (boy)?

Time to relinquish parenting your partner and for him yo grow up - no more lifts and a list of household chores for him to do. I suspect you will have an uphill battle with this but believe me, ten years down the line, will be worn out, resentful and wondering where your life went.

ThinWomansBrain · 19/08/2021 17:20

@AluckyEllie

What is the point of him if he does nothing around the house, nothing with the baby and treats you like a taxi? He should be paying half the costs of running the car as he seems to be getting over half the use!

More than half, as he only uses the car with a chauffeur

Plus when you use it aside from driving him around, a lot it is for the benefit of your shared child.

MsVestibule · 19/08/2021 17:25

I'm relieved to see he's a P rather than an H, so at least it will be slightly easier to extricate yourself from this relationship when you do finally see the light.

What are your plans for when your maternity leave finishes? Will you be going back FT? Who will be looking after your baby? If a nursery/childminder, which one of you will be doing the drop offs and pick ups?

Shergill15 · 19/08/2021 17:41

Non driver here. If he chooses not to drive he doesn't get to refuse to use public transport. You are definitely not being unreasonable

idontknowwhyibother · 19/08/2021 17:44

Simple just say no. He can't force you. Maybe it'll give him no choice but to be an adult and learn to drive!

Justcallmebebes · 19/08/2021 18:02

Blimey love. Does he have a golden penis??

TheWholeWorld · 19/08/2021 18:09

Why on earth is a grown man with a kid and a partner asking his parents to give him a lift to work?

Talk about arrested development. Does mummy do his washing as well?

Original poster

Clioblossom123 · 19/08/2021 18:12

@dishwashersaurous he was getting his lessons and then stopped. I thought he'd be past by time baby was here. That was his 'plan'

OP posts:

toothpicklover · 19/08/2021 18:21

You realise it’s 2021 don’t you? Why you acting like some down trodden 50’s wife with a partner that has zero respect for you!

Maskless · 19/08/2021 18:23

yabu when you say "Im always happy to do everything around the house (Even before mat leave) and im always going out my way for him (just the way i am, he doesnt have to lift a finger in the house, i also get up with baby all night even on weekends )"

You act like a doormat, he treats you like one.

Sorry. I know the truth hurts.

XelaM · 19/08/2021 18:25

What do you mean "he's not interested in driving" but also "refuses to take the bus"? What a prince! Tell him to take public transport or learn to drive. Surely that's what everyone else does?

Thismummyruns · 19/08/2021 18:25

I'm really sorry to be so blunt and quite frankly rude but he's an embarrassment. The whole scenario is ridiculous and he ought to be ashamed himself.

I hope you will realise he's taking the absolute piss out of you and totally mugging you off.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/08/2021 18:26

You act like a doormat, he treats you like one.

This 100% true, sadly.

pinkyredrose · 19/08/2021 18:30

Are you really genuinely 'happy' to do all this? How did this situation come about, did he just refuse to do anything or did you crack on with doing everything and he just let you?

DearFrutti · 19/08/2021 19:25

I understand a relationship is helping each other out

So what exactly is he doing to help you?

Original poster

Clioblossom123 · 19/08/2021 20:08

@maskless.no i have ocd, everything has to be cean to my staandard. Im not asking about that like i said im happy to do that. I wamted advice on the list situation. But fair enough you have a point. Give someone a inch and they take a mile!

OP posts:

Original poster

Clioblossom123 · 19/08/2021 20:11

@maskless sorry that last reply was a complete typo...

@maskless.no i have ocd, everything has to be clean to my staandard. Im not asking about that like i said im happy to do that. I wanted advice on the lift situation. But fair enough you have a point.

Give someone a inch and they take amile!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Clioblossom123 · 19/08/2021 20:12

@pinkyredrose yeah the second one i guess...

OP posts:

LadyJaye · 19/08/2021 20:13

OP, you say you want advice on 'the lift situation' - several posters have asked you how old he is and what he does and you haven't answered. We can only do what we can with the information we're given.

FuckMeGentlyWithAChainsaw · 19/08/2021 20:13

I don’t drive, currently seeking work. I put locations I’m not sure about into google maps to check to see how easy/difficult it is to get there, how long it would take and think about the cost before I apply. There’s no point taking a job if you’re going to rely on someone else to get you there or it’s going to take too long.

You need to take a stand here and tell him this isn’t viable. It’s really not- even without the baby crying and being in the car too long it’s a massive inconvenience that eats into your day, is costing you too much money and won’t be possible once maternity ends surely?

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 19/08/2021 20:14

Plenty of people get around without a car. He is taking the piss. You have a new baby! You know people only year you like a door Mat if you let them

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread