How do people afford kids?

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I feel like I'm missing a massive trick here!

DP and I earn around £72k jointly (I earn the bulk of that at £48k, but have ~£250 per month student loans, and high pension payments, and pay slightly more of the cut of the rent than him). DP is expecting to earn a higher salary in about 18 months' time, but it's not guaranteed, and it's uncertain how much higher.

If I went on maternity leave say within the next year, that would leave us with a severe shortfall as DP's salary alone plus maternity pay wouldn't sustain us (we live near London so our current joint income only just covers huge rent and current outgoings with a bit of savings).

How do people manage it? I've been reading on other forums about how you just make do, you sacrifice your lifestyle and don't go out as much etc. so more money for rent and baby, rely on relatives etc. so not paying huge nursery fees all the time etc. It just seems so hard, a huge stress, and unsustainable. And that's before I even consider the effect a baby would have on my career. Would it be foolish to consider a baby now since I don't even know how we would afford it?

Following. I feel exactly the same. People always say to me "if you wait until you can afford children, you will never have children", but equally, like you, I am trying to be sensible and methodical and prepare/weigh-up as best as I can.

It's a tough one isn't it?

The higher earner doesn't usually take the sustained parental leave or make long term earning sacrifices.

Are you sure you even want a baby?

Our combined annual income is 30k but we're up North. Im about to finish maternity (6 months). Since going on mat pay, we've managed but we've also realised how much we've spent on absolute crap over the years!

People always said to us 'You'll always find a way' and that has been very true. We've not had meals out but we've taken picnics to places instead. We've tried to find cheap/free days out.

As for the baby stuff, Marketplace/charity shops are your friend. Our pram was second hand off Facebook for £100. We got a cot and crib for £50 off a friend. Most of our baby's clothes were bought as gifts but we only buy supermarket/charity shop/bundles off Facebook

It really depends what your outgoings are. DH and I earn a bit less than you combined but neither of us work full time (he sort of does, but it's compressed hours) so that helps with childcare.

We have three kids aged 6, 4 and 1. We haven't been abroad on holiday since the first one was born, and wouldn't have even with Covid, and I can't imagine we will any time soon. We have a small house so the mortgage is quite low and don't ever really eat out or have nights out or anything anyway because of all the kids! We don't buy luxuries really and have quite a frugal lifestyle, but it's fine with me and we just kind of cut our cloth to fit the kids in.

You can afford a baby if you are willing to make sacrifices, and a lot of those sacrifices (nights out etc) can happen naturally anyway. We don't have family to help with childcare but lots of people do and this can help.

To a degree, children force you to economise, we found we hardly ever went out, lived in London at the time do it was a way of life. Popping out for a coffee is such a pain because of how much stuff you have to take, it has to be planned nit spontaneous.
I'll bet if you looked at all your outgoings after essentials, you will find you actually spend loads on rubbish (stuff you don't need or really want a lot of the time.)

£72?! That's loads. We are on just over £30k and manage really well. Got one ds and another on the way. No worries if issues, mortgage paid etc. Our in-laws are on less than us and have 3 children.

In our case we waited until we knew we had £1000 a month spare for nursery but we also bought a smaller, cheaper house than our peers were buying at the time so we could afford it sooner.

Then we saved like crazy while I was pregnant to cover my half of the bills while on maternity leave because I only had statutory pay.

Our outgoings did reduce because we weren’t just popping to the pub or going out for dinner as often.

I also did my KIT days at work to bolster my income once my maternity pay stopped.

@DrSbaitso that's what I suspected, which worries me, because it would mean DP would do the bulk of the childrearing/responsibilities, and he'd have to make earning sacrifices to do so.

Are there any examples of two reasonably high-earning parents who have made it work? I feel like I've always been surrounded by high-earning dad and part-time or low-earning/SAHM, and would love some different inspiration.

It would make sense for you to take a shorter ML and your DP SAH.

I've got twins and we took a loan to cover part of the nursery fees when I first went back to work - it was the right thing to do as my career didn't suffer too much.

You will probably get your arse handed to you hear from people of manage on 20kpa but that not the lifestyle I wanted for me mr my children.

Have a look at your actual outgoings v essential outgoings. We realised we were wasting so much money on subscriptions and things like that that we didn't even use.

Are there places you can make cutbacks?

We use full time childcare so didn't rely on family but that obviously depends on affordability and individual circumstances.

Does your workplace only offer SMP? What about DP's? Would shared parental leave be a viable option?

Seriously if you earn a joint income of £70 odd thousand you can afford a baby. DH and I have a combined annual income of £32 thousand but not low enough to claim anything but child benefit and we have 2 kids. If you want a baby then have one but are you actually just looking for an excuse not to?

You make it work. I had an enhanced mat package but still had 4 months on SMP. You don't really socialise, probably aren't drinking much, babies bits are much cheaper second hand, etc. I was the higher earner and took 11 months off; 4 months on full pay / annual leave, 3 months on half ish pay and 4 months on SMP. We saved £7-8k before I went on mat leave to make up for the pay gap and just makes it work - came out of it with £4K savings still.

I went back part time and am now not the higher earner which has stung a bit, but we've still managed to save for a mortgage deposit whilst I've been part time. Also love in London (new house is not in London ).

How does anyone afford anything? Its about priorities. Start looking for a nursery while pregnant and go back to work dead early if money is your priority. Or make changes.

You just do. You make it work. I'll be honest, my DP earns 25k I'm a SAHP. We dont live lavishly, but we have a very nice 3 bedroom house. Mortgage is cheap, North Lincolnshire based. We spend within our means, own a lot of second hand stuff we buy off FB Marketplace that is practically brand new. We dont go abroad, but we save and enjoy holidays around the UK. We have a nice big family car. We dont necessarily make huge sacrifices to our own lifestyle but we do have to pre-plan what we do and what we're going to be able to spend. We manage our outgoings well and live within our means. Me being a SAHP means we dont pay out for childcare right now, but in the future I will probably get a part-time job and use the free hours for nursery. I'm 33 weeks pregnant with baby no.2 now. It will be hard work, but then again, we're having another girl so she's getting all of my DDs newborn stuff, we actually haven't had to buy a thing new as we have everything we need already. It's doable.
God what I'd love to be having a household income of 72k a year though, lol. X

Savings, and stopping at one. We were together and stashing money for 14 years before we had DS.

I'm down to 3 days for now but will go back to FT in 2 years when DS is 5/at school. DH changed his hours initially to cover some of my working hours.

Honestly though if we would have both had to keep doing 9-5 with DS in full-time nursery in order to pay mortgage etc. I probably wouldn't have had a baby. DH's income covers most of the bills and mine covers nursery plus a bit extra.

We’re both high-earning, but we became so by postponing having a child till we were financially comfortable and senior enough to be flexible at work. We had one child when we were both 40.

A bit of everything you’ve mentioned tbh. We saved up around 6 months of bills to cover the shortfall of smp v normal salary for the 9 months or so of may leave. I literally did nothing when I was off that wasn’t free! My parents were.l great at the odd lunch/coffee out and went to loads of local authority baby groups like book bugs in the library.

Once back at work, we did 3 days nursery and 1 at grandparents. Extremely lucky GP’s are either retired or part time. I dropped a day and stayed at home with kids. I’ve only just gone back to 5 days now my youngest started school this week.

Our lifestyle, going out etc had already naturally started to change which is why we knew it was the right time for a child. But yes, my social life went out the window. Still is if I’m honest, but I’m a particularly ‘hands on’ mum so some of that is brought on myself 😂

You go out a lot less, buy less clothes and shoes as a result. If you are sensible you don't t need to spend a fortune on baby clothes and toys etc.
Our joint income is £80k (bristol based) and we've been saving for nursery since DD was born. Money will be slightly reduced (I'll go back to work PT) but we're pretty comfortable at the moment. Like PPs have said, what you spend your spare cash on before a baby is often not an option afterwards!

Having kids involves sacrifices. It could very to career, or financially (such as paying for a nanny) or moving to a cheaper part of town.

You'll get Child Benefit. (Until you start earning 50k and it will decrease... its based on the higher earner). You'll qualify for tax free childcare.

You mention rent...are you wanting to buy? Mortgages can be cheaper than rent.

[quote crumbsnamechange]@DrSbaitso that's what I suspected, which worries me, because it would mean DP would do the bulk of the childrearing/responsibilities, and he'd have to make earning sacrifices to do so.

Are there any examples of two reasonably high-earning parents who have made it work? I feel like I've always been surrounded by high-earning dad and part-time or low-earning/SAHM, and would love some different inspiration.[/quote]
Well, how does he feel about it? Or you?

I know several families where the woman was the higher earner and the man has taken the career hit. I've worked for several women in that situation, they were my bosses, and they were also great parents. It's not as common as the other way round, but it's not jaw droppingly unusual. Remember that providing for your family is also a very integral part of parenting.

I do appreciate this can be a very hard decision though. You could look into both going part time.

If you really want a child, you do make it work. Most people have kids and most people aren't rolling in cash.

You start saving! i had considerably less disposable income, less salary and more than likely the same outgoings as you.. i managed to save 5K for my maternity leave and it lasted me the whole year.

I am pregnant and between us we earn £66k (not including overtime/bonus). I plan to return part time so our salary will drop to £58k with no overtime from me and maybe a bonus from him.

We have been overpaying our mortgage by £800 a month so the drop in salary/childcare fees (2 days a week) should hopefully balance out.

I've also been saving for maternity. I do get a really good mat leave but will need to cover 3 months SMP and a couple of weeks unpaid to get me up to a full year so have been saving. I've put away £5k so far with about 5 paydays to go.

You make it work. I can't see how you can't afford a baby on 70k a year when there are families on 12k or less and manage okay with their kids?
Sounds like you don't want one rather than not being able to afford one.

[quote crumbsnamechange]@DrSbaitso that's what I suspected, which worries me, because it would mean DP would do the bulk of the childrearing/responsibilities, and he'd have to make earning sacrifices to do so.

Are there any examples of two reasonably high-earning parents who have made it work? I feel like I've always been surrounded by high-earning dad and part-time or low-earning/SAHM, and would love some different inspiration.[/quote]
We're both FT high earners, but I stopped work at the birth of the first and went back when the second started school, so 9 years out in all. I used the time to retrain in something more lucrative. I also had them sooner, starting at 25, so I was ready to re-enter the workforce at 34. It would have been harder starting older.

Some parents will balance it so they both take a small cut in hours/pay and care for the child, others have the lower earner stop, saving the childcare costs (which are usually multiple times a low-earners salary), and others take the hit of the childcare costs which can be astronomical, especially in London.

In your situation where you simply cannot afford to pay the bills if you’re on leave… that suggests you might be a bit overstretched with the rent. You can’t afford the time off - you’d be in the same situation if you had to go off sick, so that’s pretty precarious. Any chance of ownership or downsizing?

But also I'm in the North and wanted children very much, so I didn't look at the numbers too closely. Got job, bought house, stopped job, got new job... it just all worked out in the end.