How do people afford kids?

[crumbsnamechange]

I feel like I'm missing a massive trick here!

DP and I earn around £72k jointly (I earn the bulk of that at £48k, but have ~£250 per month student loans, and high pension payments, and pay slightly more of the cut of the rent than him). DP is expecting to earn a higher salary in about 18 months' time, but it's not guaranteed, and it's uncertain how much higher.

If I went on maternity leave say within the next year, that would leave us with a severe shortfall as DP's salary alone plus maternity pay wouldn't sustain us (we live near London so our current joint income only just covers huge rent and current outgoings with a bit of savings).

How do people manage it? I've been reading on other forums about how you just make do, you sacrifice your lifestyle and don't go out as much etc. so more money for rent and baby, rely on relatives etc. so not paying huge nursery fees all the time etc. It just seems so hard, a huge stress, and unsustainable. And that's before I even consider the effect a baby would have on my career. Would it be foolish to consider a baby now since I don't even know how we would afford it?

You just do. It's not as if you need to pay school fees and medical aid like most parents do in many other countries. When you are a parent your priorities change. You should, or ought to, change your mindset when you have DC.

DC don't need hundreds spent on them, all they need I to be clothed, fed, a warm and loving home, for affection and for you to spend time and give care and impart good values.

I was the higher earner, nearly 50k p.a self employed. no maternity package so smp. saved like crazy for 5 months. moved from London to suffolk, reduced living costs significantly, but really, your priorities change once you have a baby. hairdresser appointments are few and far between, shop in aldi, cat boot sales for toys. my husband is a sahd and I'm now employed on less then 30k about to go back to uni too. you just make it work. a child needs your time not money. hence why my husband quit work to avoid putting our child in nursery. I also work a lot from home so I can be around.

I really feel for people who are tied in to such high rental costs. It's ridiculous.

When I was pregnant, our joint income was around £54k, and now it's around £65k.

The key to surviving on maternity pay for me was, whilst I was pregnant, I put aside the money each month that I'd have to pay in nursery fees eventually to use when on maternity leave to boost my pay.

Also, my company's policy was generous; 6 weeks at 90% pay then 33 weeks at 50% pay plus SMP (approx £600 a month), so I think I lost round £500 a month. But I made it work.

After maternity pay, we then had nursery fees to consider. We're lucky in that my mum minds him two days a week, and we have nursery 3 days a week, which with the government discount, costs us £470 a month, so £235 each. Our mortgage is £420 a month though so we're very lucky in that respect.

DH and I have 2 DD. I am the sole earner, whilst my husband runs a charity on a full time basis from which he draws no salary. I got 4 months mat leave at full pay; statutory thereafter. So I took 4 months mat leave for each DD and not a minute more. All grandparents live abroad so full time nursery a must. Eldest DD at school and late stay a must. DH does the drop offs and collections, but gets to work 9 to 5 nonetheless. I commute 4 hours per day (pre pandemic) but have been doing drop off and some collections for the past 18 months WFH and have loved it. And we both work at night when DDs in bed. Clubs to cover Christmas / Easter / Summer hols. It’s tough and exhausting and expensive. But it works if you want it to.

Forgot to mention - 5.5 year age age between DD1 and DD2 so never had to pay 2 x nursery fees!

Not saying that this is right for everyone but I took a lodger in. The extra income made all the difference. Lodger was female and was away every weekend and home late on week nights. People recoil at the thought of a lodger but it’s the easiest way to make an extra income without having to do a single thing!

You save enough money to cover your reduced payments whilst on maternity. Either that or you end up in debt.
I am the higher earner and I made sure we had enough in savings to cover the shortfall of maternity pay when it reduced from full pay.
I guess that only works when you’re planning a family, as it sounds like you might be, and not if a surprise baby arrived.

I was actually better off after having children due to working in minimum wage jobs my income was boosted by receiving extra tax credits (child tax credits also child benefit). My eldest is now a teen but has never been abroad just short holidays in the UK. My children always have new clothes but not expensive clothing usually primark or george, matalan etc. We manage just fine. You will too your income is far far higher than ours.

We have 4 kids and a combined income less than half of yours. Since having kids we have had one of us working nights the other days, one doing weekdays the other weekends and more recently my husband is a full time nurse so I pick up bank care shifts on his days off and have a small cleaning job in school hours to avoid childcare costs. We go camping for our holidays usually, have booked all inclusive for a week in Spain next year though. We run 2 cars, have a mortgage and rent as we have a shared ownership property. We have to be careful with what we spend and we manage. But we don't live in London so I'd guess that makes it easier

@Tessabelle74

We have 4 kids and a combined income less than half of yours. Since having kids we have had one of us working nights the other days, one doing weekdays the other weekends and more recently my husband is a full time nurse so I pick up bank care shifts on his days off and have a small cleaning job in school hours to avoid childcare costs. We go camping for our holidays usually, have booked all inclusive for a week in Spain next year though. We run 2 cars, have a mortgage and rent as we have a shared ownership property. We have to be careful with what we spend and we manage. But we don't live in London so I'd guess that makes it easier

Still not sure how that’s possible- even with cheaper outside London costs

I’m actually surprised that more people don’t think seriously about the financial commitment of having children - it seems to be pretty common to assume that they’ll be healthy parents who will stay in work and they’ll cross that very remote bridge of illness / unemployment etc if they ever get to it. Covid showed how quickly that can change.

I mean, if you want to commit to a mortgage, the lender will make sure you aren’t overstretching, that you can afford repayments and that if you lose your job you’ll have insurance to cover the payments or your house gets repossessed. But with children, lots of people have several of them without knowing what they’ll do if they hit a period of unplanned financial worry. I can’t imagine having several children without a good chunk of savings to fall back on. So no, YANBU. You’re sensible!

OnlyFoolsnMothers
We get £32 a week tax credit and £63 a week child benefit on top, but of course it's possible. Neither of us smoke, we have a bottle of wine occasionally. We don't have expensive hobbies, our cars are both 15 years old so no finance on them. We budget carefully for birthdays, each child has a day out and gifts to celebrate for example, this week we had a day in Great Yarmouth including the pleasure Beach, and we buy Christmas gifts through the year. I do the shopping, usually averages around £70 a week as I cook from scratch. Our kids have everything they need, as they are our priority. That may mean I have holes in my shoes for a month or 2 if they need something and my husband no longer has a wardrobe full of designer clothes, but we wouldn't change a thing

On that combined salary you should be able to manage.

You can drop/reduce your pension and SL costs on mat leave for starters.

If you’re the higher earner you might need to limit your leave and let DP take some or start childcare early.

Your outgoings during mat leave don't have to be high. You won’t be going out much anyway. Babies really don’t have to cost much despite all the marketing.

Can you rent somewhere cheaper?

Sounds like you need to run a few scenarios, but ppl do it on much much less, so there will be a way.

@crumbsnamechange I agree that your rent is prohibitive and a 2 bed flat isn't ideal for children anyway. Do you have the sort of jobs where you could move to another part of the country? What is your salary and what is your partners? I think the only way it would work is if you go back after 6 weeks and your partner takes the shared parental leave and is the main carer. Obviously very hard on you but financially the best. He might then be able to go back part time and maybe the in laws help with childcare- that's how I would do it.

Sorry, I realise you mention your salary in the original post. At under 50k you will get child benefit but once you go over that then it is gradually reduced.

OP I’m sorry if you’ve already covered this but I note you mentioned high pension contributions. Is it a possibility to reduce those during the ‘baby years’?

@WhatAShilohPitt

I’m actually surprised that more people don’t think seriously about the financial commitment of having children - it seems to be pretty common to assume that they’ll be healthy parents who will stay in work and they’ll cross that very remote bridge of illness / unemployment etc if they ever get to it. Covid showed how quickly that can change.

I mean, if you want to commit to a mortgage, the lender will make sure you aren’t overstretching, that you can afford repayments and that if you lose your job you’ll have insurance to cover the payments or your house gets repossessed. But with children, lots of people have several of them without knowing what they’ll do if they hit a period of unplanned financial worry. I can’t imagine having several children without a good chunk of savings to fall back on. So no, YANBU. You’re sensible!

Yeah, this. There are two types of people when it comes to this, the happy go lucky ‘it’ll figure itself out!’ type, usually backed by family money or practical support so winging it and it working out is all they’ve ever known. And the type who think carefully and cautiously because they know the buck stops with them.

See a PP explaining that their income went down to zero on mat leave but ‘we managed and I’d do it again!’ who curiously hasn’t replied to queries about how they managed...

See a PP explaining that their income went down to zero on mat leave but ‘we managed and I’d do it again!’ who curiously hasn’t replied to queries about how they managed...

Yes, I’d like to know his this can be ‘managed’ when your rent/childcare/bills are much higher than your income.

The ‘babies cost nothing and can sleep in a drawer till they’re 2’ brigade go extremely quiet when full time childcare costs are mentioned.

Well I had NHS mat leave so income not zero. When I ds1 & 2 were babies we had no rent to pay as we lived in house inherited from MIL (jointly owned by DH and BIL and since sold/money used for deposit for our current house). DH was doing a MSc so money very tight for a year but it increased his earning power exponentially. We drove an ancient Clio. When I went back to work (30 hrs a week as a nurse) my wages barely covered childcare. We were entitled to some working tax credit and child tax credit back then plus child benefit.
For a long time we worked opposite each other, with me working nights and weekends to save on child care. I grew up in London and it is unfathomable to me how people in ordinary jobs (I'm counting myself in this) can afford rent these days, let alone buying property. Around 2005 I used to rent a 2 bed flat in zone 6 for £750 pcm - these days I bet it would be almost double that.

Exactly, same situation as me.
How come you think that 70k is not enough….
Me and partner are also around 35k together and managed to buy a house… it is a struggle every single month to be honest but please stop moaning that 70k is a bad earning… there’s so many people worst than you !
Just don’t have kids because you will be completely screwed financially ! That’s it !!!!

@panauchocolat

Exactly, same situation as me. How come you think that 70k is not enough…. Me and partner are also around 35k together and managed to buy a house… it is a struggle every single month to be honest but please stop moaning that 70k is a bad earning… there’s so many people worst than you ! Just don’t have kids because you will be completely screwed financially ! That’s it !!!!

Well, this is clearly very dependant on where you live!

How much was your house and what are your mortgage payments? I suspect they are v different from what the OP can get near to their work.

Daughter and Son in Law, both working, on about £30 total.
Have 22 month old.

Expecting 2nd baby soon.

All baby equipment donated by his brothers and her sisters who all have 1 girl, 1 boy each.
Have been collecting nappies free off marketplace.
Clothes have been passed to the toddler and her sibling from her cousins and friends, as have toys. Or new as presents. Also lots of knitting and sewing has been done for the babies.
Not entitled to help from foodbanks but local churches have got together to provide a 'cheap shop' with free bread, fruit and veg left over from supermarkets available to anyone on limited disposable income, but not means tested like foodbanks.
Also use OLIO, open to anyone as its purpose is to stop food waste. Pick blackberries etc. Make jams & other preserves.
Lucky enough to live near the beach so seaside days. Camping holidays etc.
We as grandparents provide all the childcare.
Have their own home.
Both have to wear uniforn at work and they live in the country so do not feel the need to spend much on clothes.
Don't go out much but they consider themselves very lucky !
If you REALLY want a baby, you will be prepared to make compromises and sacrificies.

And keep hens so have ready supply of eggs.

Daughter and Son in Law, both working, on about £30 total

I really would struggle on that!

Very similar situation to you with me being the higher earner. We saved up for a year and I took a full years mat leave. I didnt spend loads during my year off but had enough to cover the additional costs (because SMP didn't even cover the mortgage).

In all honesty you just make it work, but if you're planning ahead that means you have time to save.